All comics by bruised_and_bloodied

 

look at me. i'm the first cowboy on the moon.
i'm the 800,378,200th alien on the moon.
ok terrific

 

noone likes me, they say im too emo
beep eebop skorb, OIL!
i want to cry
DERSTROY!!!!!!!!!
poof
im sorry

 

i stuff socks down my pants
im a bench
word
RRRRRR
what dose this mean?

 

comedian #1
one time i shit my pants in public
comedian #2
i was one of those metal kids in school. i got made fun of alot and smoked alot of pot. i kicked alot of peopels asses
Boo...

 

america will crumble under my fist!
hey man, just calm down and get along with everyone... peace...
walks for a while
maybe i should just put my problems aside relize i am human along with the rest of the humans on this planet
you smell and your stupid, get out of my country
Grr! you will all die!
your gay

 

why are you in there?
my home...
can i come in?
i smell
you suck
nobody loves me

 

hello little boy
im 45
your still cute
your gay
your dead
your still gay

 

I love my pussy!
You have one TOO!
Who doesn't?
ME!
Boowhowho!
GAY BITCH!

 

how the hell did i end up here?
welcome to my space ship. this is were i will probe you and send you back to your bed where you will awake and think this was a dream.
...
she will never suspect a thing
i see you walking away...my asshole hurts

 

why did your father create me?
my father loves all his creations equally
no really, look at me. im a fucking man-shark
im sorry to here that. im sure theres a purpose for you on thie planet
so your saying theres a reason im here? maybe its to creat a race of man - shark peopel to over run the planet
...dumb ass

 

i wish i was asian
i really am asian
can i be your friend?
...
come'on please?
where are your glasses heather?

 

am i on the moon???
no...uranus
how did i get here?
you dont know?
uranus

 

am i on the moon???
no...uranus
how did i get here?
you should already know that
oh, that was only a dream...what smells?
uranus

 

you better think happy throughts about me or else...
or else what?
or else ill send you to a burning field and turn you into a bench
yea right little girl
poof!
im a fucking bench in a field and yes...there is a fire

 

why am i asian?
because your parents are asian
no really jesus, i only get accused of carrying a disease called SARS and eating too much rice
well little girl, if it wasnt for the asians, then there wouldnt be cool things like marial arts or cheaply made electronics.
oh....
now for other things...ive been up on this cross for a while, how about you come over here and give one of those massages you people give, with the happy ending

 

u want some coffee?
you do not wanna see what hapens to me when i drink coffee
comeon, just a sip
ugh, fine. but i warned you
i think i should go now...
i warned you, now youve tuned me into a one tooth crack whore

 

so jesesu, ive been going out with my boyfriend for a few months now, but he wont have sex with me. what do i do?
maybe he wont have sex with you because your a whore and your vagina is a breading ground for diseases
how dare you say that to me! i do not have STDs!
dont try and fool me, i know everything
im sorry for lieing to you jesus...you look pritty hot in that little cloth wrapped around your waist. how about i clime up that cross and show you a good time?
bitch, i wouldnt fuck you if someone promissed to take me down from this cross

 

hey
hey
you got any cupcakes?
no...
fine, you can have some
YaY!

 

Christmas eve
dear chris, im not comming over your house for christmas this year...
...infact, i dont want to see you at all. im sorry i have to end it this way, but its the only way that i can. im sorry. lisa
i dont want o live anymore...

 

uhh...where are we?
pergatory?
ohh...so we died?
i gues so, but i dont remember dieing.
hey! welcome to pergatory, the most happening middle dimention!
what happend to the blonde guy? i want to go home...

 

Morpheus: so you want to know what the matrix is?unfortunatly noone can be told what the matrix is,you you have to see it for yourself.do you want to see what the matrix is?
Neo: okay
Morpheus: Have a look at this Television Set
Neo: i dont get it...i want to go home

 

help me!
ill save you!
thank you! you saved my life
anything for the people of this small town
eight minutes later
dumbass

 

ring ring
should i pick up this randome phone ive never seen before?
ring ring ring ring
its probly just a wring number. i should pick it up
dont answer that...

 

com'on bull...com'on bull
what an asshole
COM'ON YOU SHIT CRUSTED BULL
dumb fuck
(matador gets rammed by bull on the right) matador: FUCKING BULL! MY ASSSSSSSSsssssssss!
he didnt see that one comming
i know, what a dick

 

you smell like my smegma
your what?
smegma...
whats smegma?
its the cottage cheese stuff that grows in the crevises of you balls if you dont wash yourself for a while
go to hell

 

hey look at me, im a guy in a trash can!
ill make pretend i dont see the guy in the trash can
LALALALALA IM IN A TRASH CAN...CAN YOU HERE ME OVER THERE???
why wont he leave me alone?
boy turns trash can around
that shut him up

 

MMMmmM aArrRArrar
...help
BRAINS!!!
CHIRP CHIRP!!
Movie Production Studio
so Ted...Do you like the opening scene of my horro movie?
not a chance in hell id see that movie, i would rip off my testicles and stick them in my eye sockets before i would watch that movie

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