All comics by c_plante

Profile

 

by c_plante
8-31-03
The book that never was
Wait... You mean someone else is going to do this to me?
Well... Yeah. I mean, the message isn't the same if you do it
Crap
Hey cheer up, you get to come back, you know... eventually.
So... Do I still get the hoes?
Oh hell yeah, hoes galore!

 

by c_plante
8-31-03
Shit yeah I'm a scary mofo!
Right...
No really! I kick total ass!
Uh huh...
Fine I'm outta here, I'll find me someone who's cool.
There's a kindergarten class on a field trip just down the road. You may get one of them to pee their pants if you try realllly hard.

 

by c_plante
8-31-03
Did you hear about that busload of nuns that died horribly?
Yep. Saw it on the news.
All me. That's right, all me.
So you've gained the ability to manifest yourself into a cow, wandered into the street and got hit by a busload of nuns?
Thought not.

 

by c_plante
8-31-03
Dad my popularity isn't what it used to be.
What do you mean?
Well it seems these days that there's a billion religions, each catering to one specific belief.
This isn't a popularity contest, people have the right to choose their respective religions.
Dad I got a petition from the Church of Leftovers to retire and leave religious salvation to the pros...
Jesus Christ you suck. I'd buy you friends but I lost all my money to Buddha last night in a poker match.

 

by c_plante
8-31-03
Ready for the weekend?
Always.
I'm gonna do me some mayham, and some killin' and rampagin', I'm unstopable.
So, you got your XBOX back from the repair shop didja?
You're such a killjoy
Hey I calls 'em like I sees 'em.

 

by c_plante
8-31-03
Ok, I'll give you three minutes to hide this time ok?
Fine... Ok.
What the crap! You didn't move again!
Surprise surprise...
Get yourself a new friend.
If you were my friend you'd have taken me down hours ago.

 

by c_plante
8-31-03
Well this is it... The final showdown.
What the hell are you talking about?
The iconagraphy must go, your image is despicable, unpopular and frankly depressing.
Put that knife away or I'll whip your ass.
You can really hustle for a guy who's nailed to the boards.
Taebo my friend, Taebo.

 

by c_plante
9-01-03
What are you bummed about this time alternative image of Jesus?
It's all this hate mail traditional image of Jesus. People hate me.
Yeah? What kinds of things are they saying?
That my attempts at garnering a modern and vivid youth audience are half-hearted and weak. And out of touch, but they scribbled that out, so it doesn't count.
Maybe you should read some literature, something new and vibrant that the children of today would be able to readily identify.
Like Kafka?

 

by c_plante
9-01-03
What the frickin' crap is that?
You said literature, well The Metamorphosis is my favorite short story by my favorite author Franz Kafka
It's a little dark for the kids of today you dolt. Not to mention the fact that most kids probably can't even spell metamorphosis.
Well what the crap am I supposed to do? I'm loosing market share to a plate of leftovers!
Don't even think of stealing my schtick here boy. I'll put you into a hurt locker faster than you can blink.
Everyone is out to get me.

 

by c_plante
9-01-03
I have defeated my enemies and have vanquished all who appose me.
Yes?
I am invincible and can never be stopped.
Oh yeah?
So... Wanna get some ice cream?
Yeah sure.

 

by c_plante
9-01-03
Why so gloomy?
I'm nailed to a fucking cross.
Well why not just come down?
Nails in my wrists and feet for starters.
I give up. I'll be at the slushy stand if you wanna join me.
Hello with the nailed to the cross.

 

by c_plante
9-01-03
And then she says, "Well maybe if you didn't leave the toilet paper roll empty all the time, I'd put out more!"
Oh yeah.
And I was like "Christ women, there's two of us here, you can change the roll every once in a while!"
Yes?
Hey are you even listening?
Sorry, the whole nailed to some planks thing keeps me preoccupied.

 

by c_plante
9-01-03
So this is where you work eh?
Damn right Alternative Image of Jesus. I wanted you to see the average working robots workplace.
And you think that robots are going to worship me if I have a deeper understanding of your culture and ways?
You're a bunch of fucking robots, what was I thinking?
Wanna hear me go toot?

 

by c_plante
9-02-03
Yo JC what's happenin'? Ready for the weekend? I gotz me my slaughterin' gloves on.
Scorbo you and I BOTH know what you're planning on doing with those gloves.
That guy watches too much porn...

 

by c_plante
9-02-03
Yo! Scobo in da house!
Bored again eh?
Now what makes you say that? I'm a lean mean killing machine, and I gotz me lots of bodies to dump, I don't need to hang with you!
Well don't use the quarry, that's where I dump all of my bodies ok?
Holy Crap this girl is dangerous.

 

by c_plante
9-02-03
Dad about this whole, dying for the sins of mankind stuff.
Yes?
Well you created the Alternative Image of Jesus and while he's been out there doing some depressing self-discovery crap I've been up here nailed to the boards.
And your point?
Okay I don't have a point.
Right...

 

by c_plante
9-02-03
So I hear your honing into my mass-murdering action, there's only so many people in this town you know.
Yeah but I figure we can share, on account of the fact that I actually am a mass murderer, and you just talk about it
Can I watch you, you know, do it?
Yeah sure.

 

by c_plante
9-02-03
Wow that last guy really bled a lot.
Yeah I hate it when that happens.
You know this one time, I was killing this guy, and he was like all bloody and it was just a huge mess.
Yes? When was that?
Crap
So, you wanna help me dump bodies in the quarry?

 

by c_plante
9-02-03
Yo JC! I'm having a crisis of faith, can we talk?
Sure, but let's start by taking me down.
Yeah yeah, look there's this girl that I like, and she can do everything that I can do, but better.
This isn't getting me down, this is me listening to your crap ass life.
Wow you're totally right, I should tell her how I feel, thanks Jesus!
Moron

 

by c_plante
9-02-03
Look, it's time I tell you how I feel for you.
Here we go.
I... I love you.
Is this some extension of your jealousy for my mass murdering capabilities.
Maybe, to be honest I haven't sorted out my feelings yet, on account of being a deformed skeletal creature.
Let's go to the quarry and play lovers leap.

 

by c_plante
9-02-03
In heaven...
So then she says let's go to the Quarry and play Lovers Leap, so we do, and I jump off and here I am.
Right, I've heard it all before, wannabe falls in love with mass murderer, who tricks the wannabe into commiting suicide
Really that happens a lot?
Oh yeah... Sure... All the time.
Wow cool! So what's next?
Well I'd send you to hell but lately they've been giving me too much paperwork for "Goods Receipt Documentation" Fucking Lawyers. You're going back to Earth.

 

by c_plante
9-02-03
Hey I'm back! I knew you'd weep over my grave every night until I returned!
Actually I was here to drive a stake through your heart.
That means you love me too right?
Sure, if love means to destroy you utterly and completely, then yes.
Wanna get an ice cream with me?
Sure but that doesn't mean we're dating.

 

by c_plante
9-02-03
So you see my goal is to create a new religion based upon my newly updated beliefs and thoughts, not based on a centuries old book
Ah of course! 01110110011001011001001010101!
Right... So anyways now I'm going to rename you pontious bot, and you're going to crucify me
You'll have to take this hammer and these nails and crap! Not hit me in the forehead but the wrists and feet.
Compute! I'll get the rivet gun, it improves effeciency.

 

by c_plante
9-04-03
Man I done me lots of killin today
Yeah not bad for a newbie.
Newbie?
I peed my pants

 

by c_plante
9-04-03
YO homeboy, wazzup?
What the hell are you talkin' about boy?
I'm a scary mofo from the hood!
What in God's name is your malfunction now?
Yeah, one more notch in mah belt, y'hear?

 

by c_plante
9-04-03
Man my life sucks, everyone hates me, some other Jesus is running around being all holy and new, and I'm nailed to this fucking cross.
This wasn't part of the deal, I wasn't supposed to be up here for an eternity, every necklass and image of me in this state perpetuates my sentance.
And this fucking dolt isn't helping!

 

by c_plante
9-17-03
Wazzup psycho queen?
You know, killing, mayhem, murder the usual
Aight, you cool
Killing gives me a perverse pleasure that you'll never be able to match
I have to change my panties just thinking about it

Showing page 1.