All comics by cabal

 

by cabal
10-13-02
Tough break for Hand Job. He was all set to get shipped out on a medical.
What was the matter with him?
It's no shit. At least ten times a day.
He was jerkin' off ten times a day.
Last week he was sent down to Da Nang to see the Navy head shrinker, and the crazy fucker starts jerking off in the waiting room. Instant Section Eight. He was just waiting for his papers to clear div

 

by cabal
10-13-02
Hello.
Yo!!
Ho Ho!!
Hoo Hah!
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah! Keep it flowin keep it goin!
Bing Bang Kaboom! Macaroni and cheese if you'll please! Get down on yo knees! And it don't stop!

 

by cabal
10-14-02
Flipper babies are hot!
Don't you know it!
I want a flipper baby to sit on my lap and tongue kiss my eyeballs.
That sounds sexy!
A flipper baby watches from a nearby manhole, preparing to feed for the day.
Then it can shove it's tongue into my brain and suck out my soul.
Ehm...

 

by cabal
10-14-02
We believe in nothing, Lebowski. Nothing. And tomorrow we come back and we cut off your chonson.
Excuse me?
I said...we'll cut off your johnson!!!!!!!
Just you think about that, Lebowski.
Yeah, your wiggly penis, Lebowski. Yeah and maybe we stomp on it and squoosh it, Lebowski.

 

by cabal
10-14-02
David Lynch prepares to write a script.
Apple pie, chicken feces, lipstick, I see lipstick through a smokey room. There is a club footed midget whispering.
What is it whispering David?
The midget whispers about a cowboy who is coming to kill someone. That someone has seen the cowboy in a dream.
What if the cowboy is actually a ghost searching for a secret blue cube that hides in the shadows?
David is hungry for a juicy delecious slice of apple pie. He may even have two slices.
There is a fish that knows all. The nightmares come only on the third day. I will eat a wonderful slice of apple pie while the mechanical noises echo in my head.
Apple Pie!

 

by cabal
10-14-02
My thirst for death and destruction will soon be quenched. I weep with glee at the thought of it.
And I ran, I ran so far away...I've got to get away.
First I will beat an old woman to death with my bare fists. Then I'll steal a truck and drive into a crowd of people.
Why do you want to hurt me?
I hope they put in realistic bone cracking sound effects! I love the sound of bones cracking beneathe car tires!

 

by cabal
10-14-02
Jacob Singer finds himself in a most unusual situation.
Where do you want to go?
Home.
Home? This is your home. You're dead.
Dead? No! I just hurt my back, I'm not dead.
Then what are you doing here?
I don't know!

 

by cabal
10-14-02
Fuck Comedy Central!
I committed beastiality!
You didn't know she was an ape when you had sex with her.
Fuck Ben Stein!
But I had sex with a dog, too.
Did you know it was a dog when you had sex with it?
And FUCK Porn n Chicken!
Yes.

 

by cabal
10-15-02
Ok...on the count of three.
1...
2...
3...

 

by cabal
10-16-02
Uhm...
They both turn in horror at the sound of distant whistling.
A gay super hero stands in the distance, shouting his lustful desires...
I WANT YOU IN ME!

 

by cabal
10-16-02
Let's get out of here.
Where the hell are we going?
I don't know just keep running.
Huff.. Puff..
No matter how fast or far they run the gay super hero is always right behind them.
Woo Hoo!! Ohh boyzzzz!!!

 

by cabal
10-18-02
I can't take it anymore! I'm going to kill it!
Having found a 10 year old chocolate chip cookie in his beard, Filbert throws it at lightning speed towards the gay superhero.
Thoze little rascals...

 

by cabal
10-18-02
I think you killed it Filbert.
We've been running for days without food.
Oh God don't say it!
If we want to survive, we're going to have to eat that gay super hero's corpse.
!!!!!!!!

 

by cabal
10-21-02
In the event of a Slurpy always be sure to Turkey.
What is Slurpy Turkey?
A turkey infected with the virus "Slurpy" When activated it will cause the Turkey to Slurpy. Sometimes additional side effects will occur. These may include but are not limited to slurpy and turkey.
Give your soul to Slurpy so that you might enjoy Turkey in the land of Slurpy Turkey.
With the aid of Slurpy you too can enjoy the luxury of Turkey. Imagine a world full of Slurpy, where Turkey is always Slurpy and Slurpy is always Turkey.
Take notice of the warnings on the label. They clearly state that Slurpy will induce a state of Turkey if Slurpy is not immediatly satiated with a sense of Turkey.
Never leave your Slurpy out past Turkey or it will involuntarily Slurpy into a Turkey.
A strange slurpy fluid will turkey out and sometimes smell of slurpy.
The reverse will happen if the following directions are taken. 1. Slurpy. 2. Turkey 3. Slurpy. 4. Turkey.

 

by cabal
10-21-02
In the event of a Slurpy always be sure to Turkey.
Mankind was born with a sense of Slurpy followed closely by a deep meaningful desire to Turkey.
With time Slurpy may even evolve into a Turkey.
Be careful what you Slurpy. You just might Turkey.
This Just in... Slurpy was last seen in Turkey where strange happenings were reported by Slurpy Turkey.
It is currently unknown whether or not this will effect the world's population of Slurpy or it's desire to eat Turkey.
Tired of the same old Slurpy? Try our new and improved Turkey. It comes with a life time gaurantee of Slurpy. If you are not satisfied with your Turkey, be sure to send it to Slurpy.
All your Slurpy are belong to TURKEY!
There is nothing wrong with your SLURPY, WE control the TURKEY!!!

 

by cabal
11-12-02
WARNING! WARNING! Everything you've ever learned has been through a tiny device called a memory show. It is currently recording your every thought.
It was implanted through hidden ghost manipulators who are operated by forces unknown to mankind.
ZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZ
Psychic Clowns are now currently attempting to manipulate the frequencey of the "memory show" in order to access a secret wave that will give them direct access to our souls.

 

by cabal
11-12-02
They've already taken control of millions. Are you one of them!?! Who can you trust? Nobody! Don't let this happen to you!
Go into a bathroom and regurgitate the memory show device as soon as possible! The seconds are ticking folks.
Here is some valuable information for you to know what to look for in the event you come across these dispicable characters associated with the "Psychic Clowns"

 

by cabal
11-12-02
1. A person walks with a limp, look closely you'll notice see ooze coming out of their ears and eyes. There may be the sound of metal rubbing bone.
Do not fear these are the robotic clone slaves who's purpose are only to observe and report.
If you get the opportunity beat these sorry individuals to death with your bare hands. They go down easily as they are mostly constructed of green glue like matter and fragile mechanical ornaments.

 

by cabal
11-12-02
2. Old people and pimps.
If you see these individuals run as fast and far away as you can. These are the brain wave operators.
That man is imagining eating his own eyeballs.
They carry controllers that give them direct access to anyone's brain within a twenty foot radius.
Why not make him? Hoo ha ha ha ha...

 

by cabal
11-12-02
3. Kids wearing wrestling tshirts of any kind.
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
These tshirts actually contain very muscular parasitic humanoid figures that resemble famous wrestlers. They stay in one fixed position across the chests of the teens in the presence of strangers.
HOWEVER if you turn your back they leap from the chests of the teens and strangle their victims to death with a bear like grip around the throat.

 

by cabal
2-16-03
The right cowboy's name is Rubert.
Sometimes babies don't breathe
And sometimes...they do.
The left cowboy's name is Turgo.
It's not fair to judge a book by it's cover.
Lest the cover be damaged and not worthy of judging.
Rubert and Turgo know all.
Play it safe.. look both ways before crossing the street.
An uncollapsed skull is more functional than a collapsed skull.

 

by cabal
2-16-03
Nobody knows exactly where they came from.
Never eat raw meat that's been left out in room temperature for more than an hour.
Eat all raw meat immediatly. Waste not. Want not.
Some say they wondered into our realm of existence...
Be careful who you share secrets with.
Some people don't like secrets. Especially women!
from another dimension.
If you plan on having a party...try to dress nice.
Nobody likes a sloppy dresser, not even party guests!

 

by cabal
2-17-03
Many have theorized that they're prophets from a long forgotten religion.
It is a well known fact that dogs hate cats.
However... humans LOVE monkeys.
Yet others claim they're the raw living energy of our own deepest darkest fantasies come true.
If you're having a nightmare, try waking up.
If you're already awake, kill yourself.
Some say they're half of the four horsemen. And in their mad relentless savagery, have eaten the other riders and all the horses.
Nobody said life was perfect.
But baked potato slathered in sour cream and butter sure hits the spot.

 

by cabal
2-17-03
Stories have been told about the grizzly abominations performed by these two individuals.
Be careful not to breathe too deeply.
Terrible things exist in our atmosphere.
While other stories claim they've saved thousands of innocent lives from dust storms.
In the event that you find yourself paralyzed.
Scream as loud as you can.
Nothing is certain about their past or their future.
Sometimes late at night if you look into the sky...
You can see wide unblinking eyes staring back at you.

 

by cabal
2-20-03
It is known that the cowboys believe "Blue Morning" cereal is for fags and old ladies.
When surrounded by strangers, pretend you know them.
Perhaps they'll know you, and you can become reacquainted.
According to legend, the cowboys keep the petrified remains of their victims in their satchels.
If you're ever lost in the wilderness with friends, pick up a rock and kill your friends.
You're better off dragging food then friends.
The remains function not only as a tasty beef jerky snack, but are also full of vitamins and minerals that make for a nutritious well balanced diet.
The last thing you want to do in the presence of a bear is masturbate.
This could give the bear the wrong impression.

 

by cabal
3-18-03
Zeegy Zeek the elf found the robot abandoned in Santa's attic. It was hidden under hundreds of stuffed animals and toy cars.
Weeblo! Turget gad zoink furd!
Hello robot, I brought you a present.
Having no friends of his own, Zeegy Zeek took home the robot to have as a companion. The robot kept Zeegy from being lonely and depressed.
Zerk Zerk Zerk! Kling Klow Flaz!
Calm down robot, let me open it for you!
Unfortunately Santa wouldn't have it. Stealing was stealing in his book. And the punishment was death.

 

by cabal
6-26-03
The sad robot races to Santa's work shop. His circuits burning for revenge.
Robot.. what are YOU doing here??
Zeep Zeep Zeep Zeep Zeep!
The robot self destructs, a final act of mercy upon itself.

 

by cabal
3-31-04
Hallucinations listen carefully.
I can feel my insides tearing apart.
.......
They dwell upon every word spoken.
My brains are dissolving into black putrid waste.
......
From them comes wisdom uknown to mankind.
Hairline fractures cover my entire skeleton. If I take one step I will fall apart.
......

 

by cabal
3-31-04
The hallucination draws forth every thought, every dream, all secret desires from the living.
I have no feeling in my fingers. I fear they are fake.
Your unfounded fears and pains are the result of your desire to kill yourself.
Their advice is without equal.
This is true?
Run in front of the first truck that passes this street. This I command of you.
Their advice is eternal.
I'm dead now but I.. I still hurt! My brains! My organs! Everything is collapsing in and the pain! Oh the pain!!
None of that matters now, you are an hallucination.

 

by cabal
11-23-05
Bow, Babababa ba! Boom! Baboom!
Alright! We can do this! Yeah!
Come on! We're almost there!
Beeeaaaagh Krash! bababababab bang bang bang boom BOOM!
Goddamn this is hard!
I could sure go for a double helping of creamed corn right about now
Kaaahbooooom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Loook out! Mortar Fi
Mmmm, creamed creamy creamish cor

 

by cabal
11-23-05
So anyway, back to what I was saying...
Hrrrnnn Unnghnnn
Ahhhh
How'd you do that?
Skeleton magic..

Showing page 1.