All comics by dane_martin

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by dane_martin
1-23-03
Wow! What a great day to be an elephant!
And what a great day to be an obscure bird-looking thing!
It's not all that great being a bug, but at least I'm not a kangaroo!
Highest... grossing... WHAT?!
Look, I'm sorry, okay?

 

by dane_martin
1-23-03
I used to be such a nice, nice man... I was perfectly fine! Just a normal person, of course! I lived in a suburban Chicago home, with my three children and wife.
Everything was great! Just great! What could be better? Oh, Larry, you had it GOOD, baby. You had it GOOD.
But then I just HAD to play in the cross-gene section of the lab. I just HAD to press that large, colorful button! Now I've lost everything... even my Richard Simmons coffee mug collection! WHY?!
Don't cry, Larry... please don't cry... I can't cry...
Oh, come on, Larry! You got off easy...
But... but you get to wear a neat hat...

 

by dane_martin
1-23-03
HORS'S EDVENTUR - The Best Comic Strip Ever?
i liv in the forezt~!!1
wun day, teh hors herd voices in da bushez~!11
wut is dat?/?
psssssst! com ovah heah i gawts yuh a presnet~!11
the morel is dont tok with strangerz...,,.
haaaalp!!!1!11
i am satan!11!1~!

 

by dane_martin
1-23-03
Uh... who are you?
I'm your conscience, old buddy!
Wh... what? My conscience?
Uh... yeah. I brought you some flowers.
But... but if you're my conscience, where's the consoling? The assistance? The choosing of correct paths?
Well, uh, I just answered the application. I really thought you'd like the flowers...

 

by dane_martin
1-24-03
Sure, they threw me 'n here f'r illegal drugs... illeger'n rape... but Ah ain't dun nuffin'!
Then... uh... what's in the bag?
Muffins.
Heh heh... you turned into a pirate...
Okay, give me the drugs.

 

by dane_martin
1-24-03
Why is there a small Asian girl in my bathroom?
Get in the box.

 

by dane_martin
1-24-03
Squeak!
Hey, look. A squirrel... a tender, solitary squirrel, gazing at random things while perched on a bench...
Heh... heh... heh. And I'm just so conveniently hungry...
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: There is nothing wrong with eating squirrels.
Heh... heh... heh...

 

by dane_martin
1-25-03
A cow in a bedroom.
What more needs to be said?
Moo.

 

by dane_martin
1-25-03
I should draw a comic strip about monkeys.
Feh. Monkeys are so passe.
No, not REAL monkeys...
Sponge monkeys!
Just go away.

 

by dane_martin
1-25-03
Life a with stereotypical grandmother!
How was your dinner, grandma?
Uh, okay, I guess... but where were the knives and forks?
Those were hamburgers, grandma... you don't need utensils...
What?!
Ho-ho, that grandma!
You eat them with your hands!
You mean like the gypsies do?!!

 

by dane_martin
1-25-03
Hey, I'm taking Japanese.
Uh... yeah.
Boku no neko desu-yo!
Which means...?
"I have a cat!"
Kinky.

 

by dane_martin
1-25-03
Hey, I ordered a hooker! Who do you think you are?!
A penguin hooker.
Get away from me.

 

by dane_martin
1-25-03
Giraffes invades my private use space frequently. When that happens, I shake the stick where my magic is exactly thin, those go out. That birth meeting and comes to the convenience for encountering!
What you mean human lovely person what?
"English Fundamentals: Chapter One."

 

by dane_martin
1-25-03
I'm going to commit violent suicide if you make me do my homework, daddy!
Heh heh... pretty funny, son!
I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do it!
Heh heh heh!

 

by dane_martin
1-26-03
Are you actually looking at Janet Reno pornography?
Yes.
This is exactly why I have deep-rooted respect for you.

 

by dane_martin
1-26-03
Some people watch the Super Bowl for the game itself...
And some for the commercials...
Too much information, purple-colored donkey from the depths of Hell.
But I just watch it for the DREAMY announcers!

 

by dane_martin
1-26-03
Grandma, you better give me a REALLY good reason for coming over here.
I'm a cop! And not just any cop... A STICK FIGURE COP! You don't just call a STICK FIGURE COP for a needless visit, Grandma! A STICK FIGURE COP can't just WASTE TIME like that!
What's your pitiful excuse this time?
My anus is bleeding.

 

by dane_martin
1-27-03
Chomping, chasing - what could be a better life? Eating, Running - A circular blob with lipstick for a wife.
Devouring, moving - four whole bits of fun. Chewing, Gliding - Might be messy, but it gets the job done.
You are the worst poet ever.

 

by dane_martin
1-28-03
(whisper) (whisper)
(whisper) (whisper)
Awww...

 

by dane_martin
1-28-03
How should I plan my next attack on society as we know it?
Hmmm...
You could always just eat all the children in your path.

 

by dane_martin
1-28-03
0ur HORS continuz his adventur~!!1
o boi!!!!`!!1~1
i is satan i gots a l0lipop f0r yew~!!1
uh momy told me n3ver to t@lk tuh stragners~!!1
she said TLAK to dem... yuh can take candy from dem..,,.
d0nt d0 it, HORS!!!1!!11
oh! y didnt yuh sai so????///?
com cl0s3r

 

by dane_martin
4-11-03
What are you so fearful of in life, Random Bystander?
Mattresses.
Mattresses?
Mattresses.

 

by dane_martin
4-11-03
I think the comic book industry as we know it would be much better off if it wasn't so concerned about superheroes more than any other genre!
So why IS it so concerned about the superhero genre? Are they just saying that they can't handle anything of superior intelligence?
You're the only person who understands me, Mr. Dog.

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