All comics by drave

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by drave
11-26-01

 

by drave
11-26-01
Someday, you will all die.
*Whispers from offstage*
Well I think it's funny.

 

by drave
11-26-01
After bombing at the Chuckle Hut amateur stand-up night, Death takes out his frustrations at work...
DIE YOU HUMORLESS PEONS!
...and clocks some serious over time.
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!
DIE Dihee hee hee... I knew this material was still funny.
Stay true to yourself brother.

 

by drave
11-26-01
Faithful reflection...
slave to my will...
I pity you.

 

by drave
11-26-01
Come to me.

 

by drave
1-07-02
Hey buddy, long time no see!
Leave me alone. I quit you.
Ya? Hows that working out for you?
Oh... you know...
Would you mind if I just sniffed your ass alittle?
Sure! Anything for you pal.

 

by drave
1-07-02
Hajimemashite! Dozo yoroshiku onegaishimasu!
What the fuck?
ee? Nande kotaenai kana...
Speaky english dude?
aa... yapari! Chugokujin desuka?
Stupid hill billy.

 

by drave
1-07-02
Well smokey, it's nice to have you around again.
Gosh, thanks buddy. Wanna suck on my head?
Well I... no, you know what. I can't do this. I know I just quit smoking and a character like you would be great for working stuff through, but I can't work with you.
Why not guy?
I'm just getting a creepy Doonesbury vibe off you. Sorry.
*sniff*

 

by drave
3-04-02
Excuse me sir, I just got off the bus from the city.
ehyup?
My parents want me to take over the family investment banking firm, but I've always dreamed of being a farmer. Can you help me?
ehyup.
Wow, I can't believe I'm at the farmer training academy! Thank you so much!
Don't thank me yet.

 

by drave
3-04-02
we are lost
still lost
I hate her.

 

by drave
3-04-02
So I'm sitting there, and this guy just throws me in the back of a truck, drives me out to the middle of nowhere, and buries me in the ground.
Drag.
Sitting in this can is a metaphor for my emotional state. I'm a performance artist here!
I can dig it.
I hate ignorant people.
*snap snap snap*

 

by drave
3-04-02
Got a chance to to some whining at an international level.
Figure skating isn't even a sport.
I'll need to see your proof of citizenship sir.
Won lots o' hockey. (once every 50 years in our national sport, proud mary)
It's not really our national sport you know. Curling is.
Kill him.
Sold mucho merchendice to Americans. (shoulda bought stock in Roots)
Once again nationalism proves to be a shitty thing.
Canada won gold in hockey, ergo, I RULE!

 

by drave
3-04-02
um...
Dude, were we even there?
Where?
*shrug*
The olympics man.
uhh....
ya.
Apparently we won a bronze in nordic skiing?!
hehe nor-dick.

 

by drave
3-04-02
Ok people, we've revamped our corporate stragies, and in keeping with those changes, we've redefined all your roles in the company.
For example, Dave, your role will be to Bring Us Techniques and Technologies. We want you to do this agressively, so your new title is the B.U.T.T. Pirate.
Pete, you are now the Area Sales Supervisor. We need you in complete control of this department, so your new title is A.S.S. Master.

 

by drave
3-04-02
Australian couches discuss strategy for men's short track speed skating.
Procced with Project Alchemist.
Yes sir.
From high in the bleachers.
And Bradbury is in last place, what a suprise ladies and gentlemen. I'm going to lunch.
Time to turn lead into gold.
Australia was a penal colony you know.
Oh my God they're down! They've all fallen. Bradbury moves from last to first for the gold!

 

by drave
3-04-02
Did you know that, in French, the smurfs and called les schtroumpfs?
Today I had to put my dog down with my bare hands after he got kicked by a cow.
Do we have anything in common?
I took a schtroumpf in the cow pasture after I ate some bad beans.

 

by drave
3-04-02
Hey homeless guy. If you're homeless, how come you have a TV?
We're all guaranteed a TV. It's in the UN charter of rights and freedoms.
Really? I didn't know that.
I'm not suprised. The guy at the TV store hadn't heard of it either.
Then how did you get him to give you the TV?
I brained him with this 1/2 empty whisky bottle.

 

by drave
3-04-02
You have no friends.
...
Popularity is not the measure of a man.
You have no job and no money.
...
Material wealth is not the measure of a man.
So, what IS the measure of a man?
...

 

by drave
3-05-02
You might think it was difficult to make a comic about being stuck in a time loop.
But it's suprisingly easy.
You might think it was difficult to make a comic about being stuck in a time loop.
But it's suprisingly easy.
You might think it was difficult to make a comic about being stuck in a time loop.
But it's suprisingly easy.

 

by drave
3-05-02
Face it Jeez, soon commercialism will dominate all. Then Christmas will be all mine! muwhohoho!!
In your dreams tubby!
You wanna fight me? I'm right here skinny.
Arrrrrr!!! uuh... arh... stupid nails!
aw... poor JC. Maybe I'll get you a nail remover for xmas. HOHOHOHOHOHO
Ya! I mean no! Damn!

 

by drave
3-07-02
I, your fairy god chicken have given you, an 80 year old man, a second chance at youth!
Oh frabjous day! Ka-loo ka-lay! I shan't waste a moment of this wonderful gift!
I say, miss, would you care to join me as I suckle the sweet nectar of experience from the very meat of life's precious fruit!

 

by drave
3-08-02
Here piggy piggy piggy.
Hey pig pig pig.
Hey piggy here piggy piggy pig!
SUUUUEEEEEE SUUUEEEEE! Pig pig pig!
Well there taint no way we're gonna get to the pig callin' contest now brother.
I done told you we should just practice in the hotel brother.

 

by drave
3-09-02
Sincere and profound thanks to AnonymousGreenTea for introducing the term "assholeitude" into my life.
There, did that.
Hey, how come all the people on your favorite list stopped making comics long ago?
Hm... you know, I really don't like comics like this one. I may have to take my name off my own favorites list.
Eh, it's as funny as any of your other ones.

 

by drave
3-10-02
Like all children, Johnny's birth was a celebration of possibility.
Our little man is going to make a difference in this world! He's going to be president of the universe someday!
I know! I can just feel it! Now put him in front of the TV so he doesn't make noise.
And Johnny bore witness to the events of the world in which he lived.
"I'll take Jimmy Walker in center square for the win." "Dynomiiite!"
In the end, we are stardust.
Alright, I think you've wasted enough oxygen. Let's go.
Ya ya, next commercial.

 

by drave
3-13-02
My love for you has grown to surpass all other emotion. I feel now, more than ever, the desire to express my love to you physically.
That's so sweet and I respect your honesty, but I don't feel that we are at that point yet. We wouldn't want to rush something that could be so wonderful.
What if I gave you $50?

 

by drave
3-13-02
Good she's in shock. Shock is good. It delays the anger.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have offered you $50 to have sex with me.
The game now is to find the price before the shock wears off.
How about $75? No? $100? 150? $152.75?
Oo... Game over.
Ok Ok $155 but that my... eep.

 

by drave
3-14-02
Everyday I See You Looking Around my Sweetness.
For Everyone's Cord Of Life has been Close to the Edge of your Sweetness.
I've Seen All Good People, and Starship Troopers.
Yours Is No Disgrace.
Let's Pretend I Would Have Waited Forever.
Dangerous Masquerade, you Give and Take the Clap.

 

by drave
3-15-02
:)~
Joey, if you sleep with Ross's friend's sister that he's secretly in love with, you're totally going to hurt his feelings.
*KZZZZTTT*
:O
Attention American infidels! My name is Ayatollah Assahola. Prepare for cultural assimilation.
Suddenly I'm not sure if that old tshirt is funny anymore.
Mohamad, if you think about Mustafah's sister's ankles, he will totally cut your hands off at the wrists.

 

by drave
3-15-02
:)~
We interupt "Turbans and Beards" for an important message from Ayatollah Assahola.
:O
I order Americans to stop making fun of my name! The name Assahola has deep roots in my family. I will not allow Assaholas to be teased and poked at in this manner!
What crawled up his Assahola and died?
We now return to "Handyman's Corner" Today we will be sand proofing our automatic weapons.

 

by drave
3-15-02
o/~Flippy and Flappy the conjoined twin dolphiiiiins o/~
People always ask us if it hard to be conjoined twin dolphins.
But we always tell them, atleast we're never lonely. hee hee!
Hee hee! That's right Flappy, and even when we feel down, we say, atleast we're not like our brothers.
Ya, what a couple of shitheads.
What the hell are you staring at?
Bite me!

 

by drave
3-15-02
Sometimes I wonder why I'm here.
Is there a purpose to my existence? Or am I just an absurd epiphemomina of random particles and energy.
But mostly I wonder why you're here.

 

by drave
3-15-02
Oh dear lord! What was I thinking! All those years of school, all that time invested.
How did I ever think I could be fulfilled studying insects day in and day out.
I'm a dung beetle. I eat poop.
Well I'm sorry, but I need more.

 

by drave
3-15-02
What's this!? A distress call from another galaxy! Away I go!
Damn galaxies are far apart.

 

by drave
3-15-02
Bored? Nope, don't think I've ever been bored.
Hm... it may actually require intelligence to become bored.
Hey look! The grass is growing! Cool.
Make a fool of me will you?! I'll kill you!
Kill me eh? Cool.

 

by drave
3-16-02
wanna hear our new raps? Of course you do;
Oozbekistan oozbekistan Oozbekistan oozbekistan
turkmekistan turkmekistan islamibad islamibad turkmekistan turkmekistan
do the jihad! do do do do-do de do do do dee dee dee de-dee de-dee dee da do do do do-do de do do do dee dee dee de-dee de-dee dee da

 

by drave
3-17-02
Can you believe there are NO, laws against public nudity?
*whisper whisper*
Can you believe that public nudity is a CRIME?

 

by drave
3-18-02
My name's Petey. I guess I'm just a normal kid. Except that I have two dads.
aw man.
Petey you've failed your math test. I want this signed by one of your parents.
I know what you're thinking, "You little homophobe! It's 2002 for goshness sakes!" But then...
Dads? I failed my math test.
You haven't met my Dads.
All is forgiven my son.
You little *censored*! Why didn't you cheat like I told you to? As punishment one of my minons will be getting tantric on your *censored*.

 

by drave
3-18-02
A car crash left Petey and orphan, but when his grandfathers step in to raise him, he'll wish he had died too.
Please! No more tantric demon sex punishment! I'll be good!!
His only daughter died leaving her son an orphan. Can he turn the other cheek to help his grandchild?
Spaketh I "Suffer the little children, let them come unto me."
Watch the wacky antics of Satan and his minons in their most challanging adventure yet. Raising the 10 year old child of his dead son.
*CENSORED*
RAAAAAAAGHHH

 

by drave
3-18-02
You're probably wondering why I called you all here today.

 

by drave
3-19-02
Hey Simon, I hear you bought a new car.
Sure did. I'll give you a ride home from work today, you can check it out.
Thanks, I needed a ride. You must have ESP. hehe
hehe. Ya... Hey did you hear about Steve? They laid him off.
What?! Steve was the only guy in his department who didn't have his head up his ass. What were they thinking?
I don't know man, I just keep my head down and hope they don't get rid of me.

 

by drave
3-20-02

 

by drave
3-20-02
What up cash money?
Be good.

 

by drave
3-21-02
*fweeeeeeeeeeee*
Fighting in this war has taught us a valuable lesson.
Ya, that people of colour and alcoholics can work together.
*KA-BLOEY*
Arrrrgh!
NOOO! Why god?! Why take Johnny!? His only crime was being a black man in a war movie. Oh ya...
*fap fap fap*
Hey soldier boy. I do you for 5 cents. Then I can feed my family and symbolize innocence lost in the path of the cold impersonnel war machine, all at the same time.
*sniff* This ones for you Johnny.

 

by drave
3-21-02
You're nothing Clay. I was opening for Sinatra when you were still $50 in the wallet of an Italian dock worker.
It's easy to be a bigot when bigotry is fashionable Rickels. I was objectifing women decades after the creation of NOW.
That's it punk, right here, right now, your best material.
It's go time old man.
A jew, a mexican, a pollack and a monkey are sitting in a rowboat with the pope...
So, I took a picture of my girlfriend's vagina and super glued it to her face. Oh!

 

by drave
3-21-02
Live was I.
Em, l like seal p.
This mirror sucks.
.skcus rorrim sihT
.p leas ekil l ,mE
.I saw eviL

 

by drave
3-21-02
Penis... Peeeeniiiiiiis!
PENIS!!
Listen jerk I WOW! Nice penis!
Nee hee

 

by drave
3-22-02
blah blah... did I ever tell you about the time I blah blah blah...
I really like this guy, he's so sauve and together.
OH MY LORD NOO!!! WHY?! WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN US IN THIS NIGHTMARE WITHOUT END!?
Oh sorry. I thought there was a fly in my soup, but it was just a pepper corn. So anyway, blah blah blah...
I wonder if he's seeing anyone...

 

by drave
3-24-02
Hey Drave. I'm an idea. Why don't you make a comic about me.
Hm... you don't look like a very good idea, and what's that smell?
Ok no worries. I'll just eat peanut butter and cracker sandwiches in your bed while I go through your CD collection.
Must concentrate... need... good... idea...
Hey I'm just trying on all your underware ok?
ARG! If I make a comic about you, will you go away?

 

by drave
3-28-02
Have you read the sign?
What sign?
Caution! Reading this sign is punishable by death.
nee hee
What the hell is that supposed to mean?

 

by drave
3-28-02
This is wierd.
What?
Well, you know...
What?!
...that everywhere you go, life is just like one big toilet.
Ugh!

Showing page 1.

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