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| If you know of lesbians only from websites and magazines, you may think they're as hot as straight women. | |
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| But in real life, lesbians are the most unkempt, unfashionable, unattractive people you can find without a Y chromosome. | |
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| So, on our new TV show, Straight Eye for the Queer Girl, we're going to do something about that. | |
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| Yes, we will use our straight eyes to help queer girls learn something about fashion, makeup, hair, and clothes. In no time flat, we'll have them looking as good as straight women. | |
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| So let's begin with our first real-life lesbian, Patricia from Boston. | |
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| You can just call me Pat. | |
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