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| Oh, Asshumpta, after weeks of soul searching, I have realized I love you more than anything. | |
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| Peter, the priesthood has been your life. Are you really willing to give it all up? | |
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| Asshumpta! Asshumpta! How could the Lord be so cruel as to take you away from me? | |
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| Father Clitoris, God smote the heathen woman to punish you for lusting after her in your heart. As penance, you must teach our sex ed class. | |
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| So, when Onan spilled his seed on the ground, God struck him dead. | |
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| Seriously, Father, does God really care so much about sex that he kills people over it? | |
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