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| Dr. Van Pelt, I'm in a dilemma. I could marry Patricia, who says she loves me, or I could chase after the beautiful red-haired woman I have always been nuts about. | |
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| Mr. Brown, you suffer from hair envy. You don't love the red-haired woman. You just fetishize her hair. Notice how you describe her by her hair instead of saying her name. | |
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| Wow, you sure are smart, Dr. Van Pelt. So you're saying I should just forget about her and marry Patricia, right? | |
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| No, she is a lesbian in denial. Any straight woman would know the difference between a truly handsome man, like my Schroeder, and a blockhead like you. | |
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| I don't know why I never saw it before. She has always been a tomboy, and she has that weird relationship with that creepy Marcie. So what should I do, Dr. Van Pelt? | |
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| Since you're at least a step above Pigpen, put on a wig and pretend to be my date tonight. Schroeder is giving a concert of Vince Guaraldi's music, and I need to make him jealous. | |
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