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| My name is Mohammed Hussain Osama, and I'm running for President of the Great Satan, er United Satans, I mean United States. | |
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| The people of London were enlightened enough to elect a Muslim mayor, and I'm sure the American people are even more enlightened. | |
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| When you vote for me, you're saying that you're not a gross, racist, islamophobic bigot. | |
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| And isn't tolerance what America is all about? | |
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| Show your tolerance by voting for somone who doesn't tolerate your infidel ways. | |
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| Show your open-mindedness by voting for a Sharia-loving candidate who wants to bring traditional values back to Satanica, er America. | |
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