All comics by fryjedi

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by fryjedi
11-16-02
Jesus, why is it that all the women I meet that are interesting are lesbians, taken, or end up being heinus bitches?
why are you asking me this question?
because I can never get a break, and so then I'm lonley
Are you sure that's always the problem?

 

by fryjedi
11-16-02
Jesus, why is it that all the women I meet that are interesting are lesbians, taken, or end up being heinus bitches?
why are you asking me this question?
because I never seem to get a break, and so I'm lonely
Are you sure that's what you're trying to ask me?
Am I gay?
maybe you should talk to someone else about this...

 

by fryjedi
11-16-02
Since Jesus thought I should go on a longer journey before I talked to him about it again, I decided to talk to Murray...
Ok, Jesus thought I should talk to some more people first.
So you decided to talk to a disembodied videogame skull? Albiet a fairly evil one...
No it's just, I'm having no luck with women, and I don't think I'm gay, but I figure since I screw up so often, that I might be
Well...
Screwing up with women might just mean that you're a harmless nerd, and maybe too strange for southern californians. Once you make it home, maybe you'll find somthing better
I'm not a harmless nerd, I'm a cowboy. Oh, who am I kidding.

 

by fryjedi
11-16-02
Having contemplated more, I once again visited Jesus
Jesus, I'm not gay!
Of course not
Then why didn't you tell me?
Because you had to figure it out for yourself...would you have belived me if I had told you?
Uh, yeah, I mean you are the lord and savior. And besides, Murry told me! I didn't think of anything on my own at all!
And you're telling me that Murry is not just a figment of your imagination?

 

by fryjedi
11-16-02
This is a typical day at my house, here at North
Dude, could you stop getting high in the house?
What?
I am going to kill you with scissors, and pliers, and a blowtorch made from the flame of your bong and your goddamn anti-weed perfume shit that makes the house smell like perfumey weed
did you say somthing?
No

 

by fryjedi
11-16-02
Hey I'm going home this weekend, can you give me a ride to the Greyhound station?
Nope, I have to go see Harry Potter 2
Yay my roomate is leaving! I'll have peace and clear air this weekend!
Wow! This is what my house really looks like?!

 

by fryjedi
12-02-02
Hey, your friend from the other night was cool. Is she single?
Giggle...I think so
One Week Later
Wait a minute...She's gay!
Error...Does Not Compute
What am I supposed to do now?
Time for a friendly screensaver!

 

by fryjedi
12-02-02
Why didn't you tell me your friend was gay?
You didn't ask
That was kind of implied when I asked if she was single...if I could pursue her
Maybe you could
Please note: the background implies both confusion, and the fact that the smoke of marijuana has entered the scene
It's not so clear cut...maybe you can just love that one person
What the hell does that mean?

 

by fryjedi
12-05-02
Reading all these blogs really helps me understand my friends.
No! You're Just being voyueristic. Pervert!
Why does wanting to learn more about my friends make me a pervert?
Because, blogs are literary PORN. And I'm not talking about that stuff that's taking up many gigabytes.
Yeah, I really should delete that...
GOOD! While you're at it, I'll play some music. Strangers In The Night, Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep, Strangers In The Night...

 

by fryjedi
12-07-02
I do have a twin brother, or dont I?...
Oh my goodness! It's my twin brother, Charlie
Can I stay at your place? I'm going to a screenwriting conference nearby.
Ok, but only if you promise to put on your seatbelt when we go anywhere, especially after a gun wound!
Ok, but promise me if you ever write a screenplay about us, we arent played by Nick Cage...
We Just Saw Adaptation.
and remember to come "here" me sing sunday! Why does that sound wrong?...

 

by fryjedi
12-07-02
Haven't visited Jesus in awhile...
Hey Jesus, how's it hanging? I mean...
Dont worry about it...it happens all the time!
Oh, shit! I just asked Jesus, while he is on the cross, how it's hanging. I'm going straight to hell...
I mean, how's it going up there...I mean here, I mean, Damn it!
Oy Veigh!

 

by fryjedi
1-25-03
Gee, I only recently started on this screenplay, and I should have had it done by now
Yes, that would have made sence, but obviuosly, you didn't think ahead.
I didn't even take down the christmas tree...
Thats ok, you're keeping the spirit alive!
Now all I need is to actually finish somthing.
Besides Coupling on DVD!

 

by fryjedi
1-25-03
Hey, It's my twin brother Charlie!
Actually, I'm your clone...or an earlier prototype of you.
Really? What are we going to tell people at family reunions?
Well, this development will be easier to explain than Lore
I thought you were just insurance in case I decided to write myself out of the series?
I am...

 

by fryjedi
1-27-03
Guest Starring Katze the Mighty, also known as Kate
So, I'm having trouble with this screenplay I'm writing...
Yes, yes
I'm stuck on this one part.
I'm stuck too. I'm trying to write about a pidgeon with a backwards head.
About the title: Much love to the guys up in Flag! www.ambitious-sticks.com
Couldn't you make it easier by making the head the right way around?
NO! The pidgeon's head MUST BE BACKWARDS!

 

by fryjedi
1-29-03
All my teachers turned everything into existential bullshit today.
You had philosophy class, that was to be expected.
Yeah, but all my teachers did it.
So what?
Well, like, I dont know if I can justfy brushing my teeth anymore. Without acknowledging their place in the realm of human existance.
Woah...beware Ginguvitis caused by awareness of EVERYTHING!

 

by fryjedi
1-30-03
Whats wrong this time?
Well, I keep getting stuck with this stupid screenplay...
Wait a second! Why is it that you never come to me when you don't have a problem?
What do you mean?
I'm not a pharmacist doling out cures! Aren't I your friend?
Yeah...

 

by fryjedi
1-31-03
It's not that I'm not going to help you, as you know I always do, but why is it that you never come over here for other stuff?
Like what?
Well, with the help of cable, Primetime has improved.
So?
So? It was pretty damn difficult to get Larry David, and Dave Chapelle back into tv...
That was you?

 

by fryjedi
1-31-03
Yeah, so when I do things that improve y'alls lives like fixing tv programming, nobody ever says "Gee, Thanks Jesus"
True, with the notable exception of Grammy winners.
I even got you out of the drug house, and into the good classes!
I thought I did that...
Do you think they were going to let you?

 

by fryjedi
2-02-03
Hey, groundhog, can you see your shadow?
Not really...
Sweet! A short winter!
No you dont get it, I'm blind you fool!
Poo

 

by fryjedi
2-03-03
You dont seem to have a cane or anything, how do you get around?
I have a seeing eye flea.
Yeah? What do you feed him?
Seeing eye flea feed.
And what is it that you do when you see your shadow?
Seeing I, I flee.

 

by fryjedi
2-03-03
You've stolen the money! And you're not giving it back!
You lent me this money to buy seeing eye flea feed!
Kangaroo Jack!
I'm not a kangaroo rat! I'm a groundhog?
A Jerry Bruckheimer Production
That would explain the script...

 

by fryjedi
2-05-03
While I've been writing this screenplay, I hired a monkey to look over other projects like school and my comics...
Why haven't you been going to class? And what the fuck was up with the groundhog comics?
Are you not getting enough bananas?
Is it because I said I didn't like kangaroo jack?

 

by fryjedi
2-07-03
You were right about Kangaroo Jack. I shouldn't have made so much fun of it before I saw it.
I'm sorry.
Don't Look At Me Like That!

 

by fryjedi
2-07-03
Dude! The guys in washington just elevated the terror threat color thing dude!
Yeah, we've gone from Yellow, to Orange.
Is it because of Iraq?
No. It's not because of Al-Qaeda eiether.
Why then?
Lets just say, Strom Thurmon just lost his last tooth.

 

by fryjedi
2-20-03
Sigh...I hate internet personals
You didn't used to?
I know, but thats back when sparkmatch was still up.
Yeah, those were the days.
Why can't I meet people in the real world?
You're wearing a cowboy suit and talking to a computer...

 

by fryjedi
2-25-03
Yeah, AAA blows
Those fools put me on hold!
We should push the car out of this puddle
I cant do that, this is a Canadian car!
I thought it was made by jeep?
Yeah, well it might as well be Canadien.

 

by fryjedi
2-26-03
Monkeys scare me...whatever happened to that one that was here?
Its funny you asked...
I hired him through a temp agency. I was going to hire him again, but the kangaroo took offence to the Kangaroo Jack jokes and shot him.
Oh No!
Thats really sad...did you make up that story so you could include a Kangaroo Jack joke, a kangaroo with a gun, and the monkey?
Um...what would you do if I said yes?

 

by fryjedi
2-26-03
Hey, do you really think I'm stereotypical?
Yeah, I mean, you made yourself a cowboy, and your from Arizona, and you made me a pimp and I'm from South Central!
Yeah, but the stereotypes are made for the sake of the jokes! I love people of all colors.
Then why is it that you make me dance around with black makeup on my face?
Because Mammy is my favorite song!
Don't make me break my foot off in yo' ass!

 

by fryjedi
3-03-03
Happy Birthday
Yeah, Happy Birthday
Glücklicher Geburtstag!

 

by fryjedi
3-04-03
Happy Birthday...a day late
s'ok
Happy Danny Day!
um...yes
We gon' sip Bacardi like its yo birthday
Word

 

by fryjedi
3-06-03
So yesterday it was Ash Wednesday...
What are you giving up?
Smoking
But you never...
Exactly

 

by fryjedi
3-09-03
I don't think a lot of people got the joke about ash wednesday.
What do you mean?
You claimed to desire to give up smoking, despite the fact that you dont, because cigarettes leave ashes, and it was ash wednesday!
Uh, I think you're reading into it too much.
I just picked somthing meaningless because I'm too lazy to do any real sacrificing.
Ah, pulling a T.S. Eliot...

 

by fryjedi
3-11-03
Advice: Abstinance isn't popular with college kids...
Hey Kids! Abstinance, its the surest way to not get pregnant or the clap!
I have both, whats the point now?
I'm gay! What you're asking for is celibacy...whats wrong with you?
I'm abstinant allready!
Oy Veigh!

 

by fryjedi
3-12-03
On the anniversarry of her birth, Maricha encounters...The Grim Reaper!
Excellent! You've got the right kind of soul for a one way ticket on the number 9!
Uh...I'm not dead yet?
Really? Darn!
Yeah, uh, you can come back when I am though!
Now I'll never find Meche!

 

by fryjedi
3-12-03
Next, Maricha encounters Marvin, The Paranoid Android!
Whats that water bucket for?
To put my head in! Life, dont talk to me about life...
I get down sometimes too, but I don't put my head in a bucket of water...
You don't really want to spend time with me, do you? I've got the brain the size of a planet...
Why don't you use it to stop being depressed?
I never thought of that!

 

by fryjedi
3-19-03
Facing certain death while on a plane flight, two long lost cousins unite!
Hi long lost cousin!
Hi!
Did you know I was on Sesame Street once?
Really?
They didn't air the episode because I maimed Elmo! I hate that guy!
Doesn't everyone?

 

by fryjedi
4-08-03
Ah, a new security guard...Guess I better get to know him...
Can I see your ID?
Sorry, I must have left it in my other pants, can I just show you my driver's licence?
No, I need your ID.
Obviously to be continued!
My ID is in my house, if you let me in, I can get it for you.
I won't let you in without your ID!

 

by fryjedi
4-08-03
ok, maybe if I distract him, I can get in and get my ID to show him when I see him later...
Why are you being so quiet?
Look! A three headed monkey!
Where!
Hey! Where'd you go?

 

by fryjedi
4-08-03
Phew! I'm finally back in my dorm. Where is everybody?
What's that smell, is that Cleanlieness?
rustle rustle
What the hell's that?
rustle rustle

 

by fryjedi
4-08-03
Ack! It's a gnome!
I ain't no gnome! I'm a familial elf! I'm the one who took your ID
Why would you do that?
How else was I supposed to get past that fat security guard?
I suppose thats true. Why the hell are you here?
I'm here to solve some problems! Lemme tell you the story.

 

by fryjedi
4-08-03
You were gonna tell me a story?
I came because you're putting the future in danger!
What do you mean?
If you don't pass Math, It'll be the fall of humanity as we know it!
Oh Poo!
Who do you think you are? Rufus from Bill and Ted?
No, your Harvard acceptance councelor!

 

by fryjedi
4-08-03
I've come, as an elf and a councelor to tell you some things that can preserve the future!
No! You should never know too much about your future!
I never understood that, everytime they knew about the future, it helped! The only time it was bad was when Biff had it.
I'm better than Biff!
Thats why this is important!
Oh, so tell me allready.

 

by fryjedi
4-08-03
1. When you meet a girl who says "I am the gatekeeper" do not talk to her! Especially if she asks about your keys!
Uh, ok...
2. W is wemporary, but F is forever.
Wemporary?
Just drop and retake, butthead.
Uh, will do!

 

by fryjedi
4-08-03
With this newfound information, I wander the housing, gathering my thoughts...
Oh, poo...
Thought you could get away from me, eh?
No, no, here's my ID.
Hey, don't mind me, I am the Gatekeeper. Can I see your keys too?
You're a woman?
How did you know?

 

by fryjedi
4-15-03
its so peaceful here under the sea
yes, peace
I'm glad I live under here. You know why?
why?
Because it can't become a member of the axis of evil!
Uh, but what if the fish are terroritsts?

 

by fryjedi
6-16-03
The server got blown up, so this is a repeat
Yeah, sorry about not spending time with you.
What happened? There was like a month where all you did was use me for MP3s?
Yeah. That was a good month.
No it wasn't! You neglected me!?! Why?
It doesn't matter now, I'm back.
Ya whiny ass motherfucker. Don't start blogging on me now!

 

by fryjedi
6-16-03
It's nice and spacious in here.
Yeah, I haven't been on in awhile, what happened to the closet?
Well, I had to burn that closet, and the House that surrounded it.
hE HE he HE
But it's ok because it's nice and spacious in here.
Uh...Yes, it's good to be home.

 

by fryjedi
6-22-03
9:00 pm on Friday Night
Hey, you doing anything tonight?
Not really, everything fell through...having a few beers.
I totally got this crazy idea...lets go to the bookstore, they're having a harry potter release party! It'll be funny to see all the kids dressed up and stuff.
Wow!...uh ok!
This is a perfect costume! He he he he

 

by fryjedi
6-22-03
I can't belive you're wearing a costume...
I can't believe you came with me! Oh, look! A costume contest!
60 Harry Potters, Hermiones, and Weasleys later...
Tell the crowd what you're supposed to be?
I'm Murray, the Dark Arts teacher from Book 6!
Moria, huh? Your parent's must have been LOTR fans.
Huge fans, I am too.

 

by fryjedi
6-26-03
So, whats going on at that front register?
yeah, there's a guy from the newspaper, and a million kids screaming, and a bunch of wierd older people.
Yeah, some of these Harry Potter fans are a little extreme...
Yeah...
this coming from a guy dressed like me...
Ha ha!

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