All comics by fuyutsuki

 

by fuyutsuki
2-17-06
In Soviet Russia...
Molotov says Stalin's queer
In his dreams
In Communist China....
Deng says Mao ate all the pies
That would explain one or two things
In The Bush Whitehouse....
George says Dick shoots blanks
Sadly not

 

by fuyutsuki
2-17-06
Did you hear the one about the Liberal Democrats?
Why, do I have "schmuck" written on my forehead?
Warning: May contain swinger party
Rent boys or wives?
Word is it got pretty ugly so I'll leave it for you to decide
Imagining all the ginger pubes...

 

by fuyutsuki
2-17-06
Regarding the Windows platform...
Oh give it a break
What makes you think my thesis will cast a negative light?
A hunch
Look around you my friend and gaze upon the eternal grassy field
Why does your mentioning that make me want to punch you?

 

by fuyutsuki
2-17-06
Came here to throw something?
I heard that when a new President arrives they piss at the doorway
A territorial ritual?
No, just an unbroken dynasty of public pissers
The symbolism in their regard for the nation is striking
One day it'll be my turn, don't you doubt it

 

by fuyutsuki
2-18-06
So, what's on?
The fucking TV you dumb fucking asshole!

 

by fuyutsuki
2-18-06
Pages: the new DTP app from Apple
Holy fuck, Pages!
Available as part of iWork '06
Operation Pages is definitely in the motherfucking house!
The Office Suite of Choice!
Motherfucking Pages.
Man, I am so fucked up now on Pages.

 

by fuyutsuki
3-01-06
Inequity is unfair
Why should the riches of the father alter the wellfare of the son?
Why should women be forced into prostitution by poverty?
What moral justification is there for the obscene excess of the super rich?
And advertising ... it really pisses me off too.
Fuck me, I could line my enemies up against a wall and machinegun them! Once that's out the way I can do the same with my allies, and have a palace. That's it, glory to the people's revolution.

 

by fuyutsuki
3-01-06
And now ladies and gentlemen it is my pleasure to introduce the socialists' spokesman for economics
Yes, they have one too. Apparently he's also spokesman for contradiction in terms.

 

by fuyutsuki
3-01-06
Our Lord, TB addresses the house
Whereas I am effortlessly hip, and stylish, you are hideous and weak.
Europe
Perhaps the Tories weren't thinking...
Whereas I am clearly not likely to emerge from the dark at night and engage in bloody slaughter, you are quite the psychopath.
Satan
"Safe pair of hands"
Whereas I am impressed by your party's most recent choice in leader, you're still an old fogey and no reason for me not to spend the election campaign with my other finger up my ass.
Andrew Neil thinks I'm cool

 

by fuyutsuki
3-01-06
Time to gloat
Nice election Tony, you have left open the way for a new tory force greater than you can possibly imagine...
Don't make me laugh
A quick change of leadership later
Hello there
Ah...
The unspeakable horror
I'm the new kid on the block now, TB. Meet DC. New Tory, new niceness, new new, etc.
If only I knew the people could be trusted and weren't so fucking stupid as to fall for that act. Shit!

 

by fuyutsuki
3-01-06
DC, you are no not me. You all have that tory baggage, those nutters on the benches behind you, and those seriously un-hip elderly voters.
You've lost your cool my friend.
No, I have lost nothing. I'm TB, Lord High First Prime of all I survey. I have the ear of Presidents and the private cellphone of various increasingly less popular celebrities.
I pity you.
It is you who has to prove to the people that it's time for a change. I've already got my sneakers under the table, and I have every intention of following up with a light vegan breakfast.
One word for you sir. "Old". Man I have so got you.

 

by fuyutsuki
3-01-06
For a morale boosting laugh I now turn my attention to the liberals. Hello Charlie, you look a little dehydrated, had a good time last night?
You arsehole
Running off eh, good tactic.
Ah Ming "The Merciless", I hope you're not a conspiring bastard, a rent boy humping liar or an old steaming alchie in your own right. Feel free to lecture us all now please.
A lib dem preaching morals? I've never heard so absurd a thing. Can we talk about Iraq now?

 

by fuyutsuki
3-01-06
DC, I'll admit it. You know how to put the shits up the liberals. But let's not piss around on the margins. I want to hear your policies.
Why, so you can copy them? Or is it to give GB something to keep him busy?
GB's my bitch, bitch!
I'm no fool. Policies are for idiots, sandal wearing idealists and maniacally evil old schoolm tories. None of that any more in my jurisdiction do you undertand!
You may be a copycat son of a bitch, but I see just enough of myself in you to get a hard on DC.
Yup. We're fucking cool.

 

by fuyutsuki
3-01-06
Where do the "new" tories stand on my fucking amazing Niceness agenda?
We're cool with it. Hip even.
Ah! But you OPPOSE my agressively anti-Nasty terror legislation! You evil bastards!
So do most of the public. It's one of the main things they hate about you. Shame you slipped up.
If I wanted your advise I'd ask Mandy for it!
Handbags!

 

by fuyutsuki
3-01-06
I've got a question for you TB. Seeing as this is First Prime Question Time and all.
Sure, just you try it.
For someone who *thinks* he's so trendy, where are your GREEN credentials?
Ugh, don't you start. I never understood that obsession people have with making everyone else green besides themselves. No one can really be arsed!
Then you my friend have really Lost Touch (tm) of public opinion. Everyone's tree hugging now, or at least whimsically considering it. Perhaps I could interest you in a seriously out of touch party?
If I weren't such a gentleman I'd tell you to get fucked and precisely how to go about doing it you shitey bastard. But I'm just too hip and you know it.

 

by fuyutsuki
3-01-06
I have decided to resort to the big guns against you, DC. And my big guns are fucking big guns, if you catch my drift.
Try me.
Whereas I am effortlessly In Touch with the people, and a pretty normal kind of guy, you ... are a smug bastard playing the political game for no other reason than your own satisfaction. Ha!
And?
Well, like I said, you're a manipulative little shit. Ka-ching, score one for the TB. I'm cooking on gas, cha cha cha.
The people thought precisely the same thing about you BEFORE they elected you First Prime in AD 97 with an obscene majority. Evidently it's something they like in a leader, and perhaps a prerequisite

 

by fuyutsuki
3-01-06
Everyone knows you and GB hate eachothers guts. An entire news category in the papers is dedicated to your rivalry. And yet you plan to let him succeed you?
Ugh, not that old question again. Asking didn't do Howard any good, or that psycho or the foul plant which preceeded him.
Reckon GB's more of a political visionary than you? That under his rule the country will actually change in some noticeable way? Instead of just languishing in old tory inheritance?
Give it a rest DC.
The only thing you'll be remembered for is Iraq.
You can be smug now. But one day, if you're ever in charge, you're going to need to invade a country someplace to prove your virility. We all know it always happens. Put it this way: Iran's out.

 

by fuyutsuki
3-01-06
I'll cut you a deal DC. If you OPPOSE my once supremely hip but now sadly mish-mashed education bill, I'll let on that you're cooler than GB.
Come off it. Everyone knows that! Besides, we're rather enjoying making your party squirm by supporting the bill.
You're really squeezing me in the middle between hideous concessions to my militant back benchers and having to at least seem somehow different to you. Do you really want ME to be in the centre?
Hmm. Triangulation is important. But I think you're fooling no one on this bill.
Alright, fine. How about this, my last offer. If I hack out all traces of the good stuff from the bill so that it is hideous and lefty and old, will you join with me in voting against it?
Done.

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