All comics by gschmitt

 

by gschmitt
1-10-01
On the mean streets of Bakersfield, an epic struggle is about to begin...
I WAS SENT TO DESTROY THE WORLD!!! STARTING WITH YOU!!!
Sacre bleu! I am beat-poet, artist type guy. I will conquer this upstart with maddening philosophical ramblings and meterless poetry to SAVE THE FUCKING WORLD
Depressed John and Kate were breaking up, much to John's surprise...
Dear Depressed John, by the time you read this, I will be gone... erm
You were supposed to read that AFTER I left! Damn it, why'd I have to go to the bathroom and leave the letter on the table?
In Professor Z's Orbital Lab
So I'm going out with Kate tomorrow night.
Oh, you wacky robot! Make your creator (me) proud!

 

by gschmitt
1-10-01
Yo yo what it is Kid Anti here layin down some phat beats and rhymes. It took me years to realize the nature of my affliction, to harbor the spirit of the antichrist is my true and only mission
You may not like my motives and you may not dig my rhymes, but when I'm through your souls will burn in Hell for all of time
Yo yo yo and a mic check one two, Professor X to the Y the Z comin' straight at you
Dun dun DUNN!
WAZZZZZAAAAAP?!?!?
Your addictive catchphrase won't work on me junior, Aaron, beat-poet extraordinaire has challenged you to a rhyming contest.

 

by gschmitt
1-10-01
I've been vibing in the pit with lucifer since time began, so 'scuse me if I laugh at your challenge little man
he may have been spawned in the very lowest level of the Unholy Inferno, but even he can't be prepared for the horror of my poetry which is without meter
Well c'mon let's get started, bust a few mad rhymes, but don't get too broken-hearted when I lay down the line
I, Professor Z, shall be the arbiter of this contest, on a tribunal along with...
These two characters
Hi kids! I was in One Must Fall 2047 by Epic Megagames
And I, a humble lo-fi indie rock god. Yet I will help to shape the fate of Bakersfield

 

by gschmitt
1-10-01
In the red corner...
KID ANTI HERE! YO YO WHAT... IT... ISSSSSSSS?!?!?!?!?!?$
and in the blue corner...
Aaron the beat-poet has arrived! Hi everyone! Freeverse and freethought! FREE YOUR MIND!!!
The Referee, Professor Z
LET'S GET IT ON!

 

by gschmitt
1-10-01
fiery demons quit your screamin', I'm the king and there's a reason, see this platinum thing right here, well after I let these rhymes fall, I'll have to buy another house and buy another wall!
you think you have it all, well maybe you thought you did. the machinery of this place, everything collapsed on me, the beauty and the horror, I couldn't imagine, but you never go away
yo yo little man, your rhymes are lame, I've got a plan, I'll win this game, you waste your time, you waste your rhymes, all you posers are the same, think you can beat the king but you ain't anything
the pies mother used to make, cooling gently of the windowsill of my imagination, the white dove of peace and the fury of McCarthyism, where it all go? Where is my mind?
So far, I'm very impressed with the fluid manner in which Kid Anti varied his rhyme structure in the second panel
True. Aaron has chosen the meterless path, which could backfire on him, but his words seem to come from the heart, and I could swear I heard a Pixies reference at the end there

 

by gschmitt
1-10-01
Kid Anti here saying time to get with it, lay your wrist down here so I can slit it, now I'm like a pig tellin you to cease and desist, beat poetry, what the fuck? those rhymes don't even exist!
I pictured myself in a boat on a river, with marmalade rocks and tangerine skies, how now brown bearaucrat? I am the world's forgotten boy...
You're a sad little man, can't cope with the master, I'm takin' you out to school, you reached for the sun, but you sink faster n' faster, in the whirlpool
you can't cope, I can't cope, how can we face this crushing angst which gnaws at our souls? 49 cents for a burger in Reagan's America? Get outta here...
Kid Anti has brought some interesting imagery to the table, while Aaron seems to be losing his focus
I can't help but agree, I think Aaron even botched that Luci In The Sky reference, with the future of Bakersfield hanging in the balance, I can't help but wonder if we chose the right champion

 

by gschmitt
1-10-01
Word to your mother word to your mother, the fate of this town is in my hands and none other, soon you'll discover everything you thought was true was a lie, and I'll be laughing with Satan as...
oh God, I'm in a lot of trouble... no way I can keep up with this guy... NO! Don't let him psyche you out!
fire and brimstone fall from the sky and dragons fly, cities burn and millions die, your institutions I decry, corruption you cannot deny, I will be the fall of man
WAIT! That background music you're using for your rap, now I recognize the "word to your mother"
I accuse Kid Anti of lifting the bassline from Ice Ice Baby, originally lifted from Queen/Bowie's "Under Pressure"
I'll allow it! ... Damn, I probably shouldn't have allowed him that, seeing as how he's the antichrist and all... damn...

 

by gschmitt
1-10-01
Chronos judges
I've turned in my ballot, I voted for...
KID ANTI
Lo-fi Indi Dude judges
My ballot is in, and Kid Anti, it is thine
I am so the golden calf
At least they're honest...
I also voted for Kid Anti
Don't you have any sense of self-preservation?!? He wants to kill us all!!!

 

by gschmitt
1-10-01
So it is done.
I weep for what short future my species has
Since I defeated you, I'll be leaving you here at the entrance to the Pit, make your way downwards to whichever level most suits your life of decadent beatnik sin
Oh blast it
And I'll be back to defeat the rest of you in Bakersfield... another day!!! HAHA!
At least we got rid of that beatnik dude, now back to more important and entertaining matters

 

by gschmitt
1-11-01
Aaron the beat poet is in Hell
Well here I am on the first level of the pit...
HI ME AM DEMON
I guess it could be worse
YOU FOLLOW DEMON THROUGH HELL NO GET LOST ON WAY TO YOUR FINAL DESTINATION
"Poetic" Justice
NEW JERSEY?!?!?
Ooo! Another delicious beat poet!

 

by gschmitt
1-11-01
Hi Kate! I bought you these roses. (you can't see them, but they're there, alright?!?!? damn)
Oh, how thoughtful! (I don't see anything, he's clearly insane, but I'll go along with it cause I've been staying with that stick figure guy the past month and I need sex, even if from a robot.)
erm...
Uh oh, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet, didn't I?
Today's moral: don't bother splurging if she's been going out with stick-figure man
I can't afford rent
Oh yeah, baby. Bohemian dreamboat!

 

by gschmitt
1-11-01
Something wicked this way comes...
Hey hey I'm back
Hey, that mischevous little scamp who banished Aaron to the Inferno
I'm here to take over Bakersfield
Did you hear that, Kate? I knew we shouldn't have walked through this neighborhood. It's going to Hell.
You can't trust women
All shall be mine
And I shall be your queen!

 

by gschmitt
1-11-01
The Pair
When I am king, you shall be queen.
Satanism + Rap (see the battle of rhymes) = I think he has a superior wang
A Standoff
I'm wearing a new Abercrombie and Fitch jacket. I'm pledging Hell's fraternity.
The people of Bakersfield will not stand for drunken demons swarming the streets during Spring Break and defiling our social structures. We'll find a way to stop you.
It's all too easy
How could you side with a force of such pure evil?
Talk to the ass. Frat parties aren't so bad. I like getting drunk and having to ask people who I slept with.

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