All comics by jackc

Profile

 

by jackc
1-16-03
When they say... you say...
Do you have any idea how dangerous it will be to attack Iraq?
Why do you hate America so much?
When they say... you say...
But there's no evidence Iraq has weapons of mass destruction!
Why do you hate America so much?
When they say... you say...
So why are we going so soft on North Korea?
Why do you hate America so much?

 

by jackc
1-19-03
Mom starts freaking out over something
So, have you thought about what I said last night?
I'm still thinking!
Then, after some heavy substance abuse
Will this make you think better, you little dimwit?
Isn't a nail in the head just a little too over the top, mom?
It becomes a weird psychodrama
OK, smartass. I'll kill myself and see what you think then, you ungrateful wretch!
Is this what she meant when she said, "clean up your room or else!"?

 

by jackc
1-22-03
How can you say I'm a shallow, two-dimensional character?
Ever seen how you look in a mirror, dude?
What's a mirror? Is that something like a bathing suit?
Look it up, bonehead!
Mirror: A polished surface which reflects an image. I don't see how one of these things will make me a fuller, more-rounded person!
Oh my God! When will it ever stop?

 

by jackc
2-16-03
Mark, Eve left me for Veronica!
Poor Adam, Eve had the best-looking tits ever!
Louise, Robert left me for Peter!
Poor Elizabeth, Robert was hung like a horse!
Red Robot, Food Blender left me for Coffee Percolator!
Poor Clango, FB had three speed settings, four self-cleaning knives and a juicer!

 

by jackc
2-20-03
George, I'm flattered you are waging this "crusade" on my behalf.
Is that a warm inner glow or am I pissing myself?
But don't you think we've had enough killing already?
Jesus H. Christ, you love towelheads!
Father, forgive him for he knows not what he says.
You going soft on me, you filthy long-haired hippy anti-American peacenik?

 

by jackc
2-23-03
Red, this is when we pay homage to the great fire spirit!
O mighty fire! Show us the way, illuminate our lives with your pure, infinite wisdom.
Red, what the fuck? You're our guest here not the fire warden!

 

by jackc
3-01-03
Think...
Think...
Oh, by the way. Did I tell you guys I was secretly developing weapons of mass destruction?

 

by jackc
3-03-03
I don't know about you Butch but I'm getting tired of all this sabre rattling!
You not going weak on me, are you "friend"?
No way man. I'm just so bored with all the chest thumping and hysterical self-righteousness that's been going on lately!
So, you want action?
Yeah, let's get this wrestling match started right now!
Wrestling match? I thought you were talking about war with Iraq!

 

by jackc
3-03-03
Hey, Butch. I was thinking.
Yes?
Don't get me wrong here, buddy. I'm no commie traitor long-haired peacenik but...
Oh, do get on with it, man!
I'm kinda gonna support Iraq against the "Coalition of the Willing" when this war thing starts.
Can't help going for the underdog yet again, you poor misguided cretin?

 

by jackc
3-05-03
Butch, look what your president has unleashed!
Oh, did he do bad?
It's just the end of the world as we fucking know it!
Well, I don't see any Saddam Hussein hanging around to annoy us for another 12 years!
That's just it - you don't see anyone hanging around any more!
Yeah, but don't we now have all the oil we want?

 

by jackc
3-06-03
My PC has been infected by the evil Tourette Syndrome virus!
Every time I try to save something...
Oh dear!
I tell the filthy rotten fucking cunt to go fuck himself himself in the fucking ass!
HA fucking HA HA!

 

by jackc
3-09-03
So what have you logged into there my little buddy?
It's Condoleezza Rice in that totallynude.com celebrity website!
Move your head so I can get a peak at that cute little toosh of hers!
Wow, Bird, look what she's doing with that Patriot missile! It's so totally awesome!
And to think I thought you were into straight sex!
Drool, slobber...

 

by jackc
3-10-03
The end
A fornicator or, if she's married, an adulteress!
What do you call a woman who has been raped?

 

by jackc
3-12-03
Look here George, this Iraq war is going to make the USA the black sheep of the family of nations.
I don't care. We've got weapons of mass destruction and we'll use them no matter what!
Since you stole the presidency, you have either ignored or abandoned the following international conventions and treaties...
Don't bother with all that crap citizen! We've got weapons of mass destruction and we'll use them no matter what!
I was afraid of this!
Onward Christian soldiers, marching on to war...

 

by jackc
3-12-03
Define a weapon of mass destruction!
The USA!
?
We got the biggest, most fucking destructive army and weapons the world has ever seen!
So how does that make me feel safer?
It doesn't. It just makes my dick feel bigger!

 

by jackc
3-12-03
So you're prepared to defy international law and ruin the world economy for "regime change" in Iraq?
Too fucking right. As a Christian conservative I have a duty to serve Israeli interests!
But isn't this all about Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction?
No. This is all about giving the "true" Christian believers "rapture" by precipitating the end of the world as we know it.
But isn't the end of the world something for God to decide?
God isn't a Republican?

 

by jackc
3-14-03
Ladies and gentleman. As of today french fries and french toast are banned in the White House!
Instead, they will be called freedom fries and freedom toast!
Hooray. This guy's the best fucking thing since Caligula made his favourite horse a senator!
Mister, is it true that people my own age live in that big house?
Not only that, my child, they run it!

 

by jackc
3-18-03
Ah, spring in North Korea. It feels so good to be alive -- even if there's nothing to eat!
Especially since we got the Bomb and the US is going to attack Iraq which seems to have nothing worth talking about!
Tee hee, I feel like I'm going to piss myself everytime I think of this great irony!
Save it for dinner, Sis, and spare a thought for those the US is going to attack next!
Those poor French people must be shitting themselves!
Serves them right for eating frog legs and snails when all we get is bark, leaves and grass!

 

by jackc
3-22-03
But you look nothing like Lara Croft!
Asshole!
More like an old toothbrush!
Everyone makes the same mistake!
Well, now that you're here, how about some sex?
Sure! Why not? I've got a spare five minutes!

 

by jackc
3-24-03
How come this war is so much tougher than we thought?
Ask Rumsfeld!
How many Iraqi civilians have we killed and injured?
Don't ask!
What is really going on?
You're asking me?

 

by jackc
3-25-03
Listen kid, I'm a cartoon character. There's no way we can have sex.
Don't be so shy.
But I'm not even real. Look, this isn't blood. It's ink.
Come on, take me already. I'm soo hot for it, I'm wetting myself.
Erase, erase, erase. I think you had better cool it, young lady.
Ooh. This is even better and it's wearing a rubber.

 

by jackc
3-26-03
Day one
Good morning America. The war is going really well. We are kicking some serious ass! This should be over in a week.
Yeah, yeah. Way to go USA!
Day seven
Our ratings are really good -- despite the Iraqi resistance and all the damage we've inflicted on ourselves.
Yawn. Dad, this is getting soo boring!
Day ???
Well, that was the news. Now stand by for our special 24-hour Simpsons marathon.
Yeah. This is more like it -- real TV!

 

by jackc
3-27-03
We're winning the war -- nana nana na na!
No, you're not!
How can you say that, don't you watch Fox News?
No, I watch Al Jazeera.
But we are so clearly superior to you towel-heads!
Just like you were against Vietnamese peasants?

 

by jackc
3-28-03
Today the evil, vicious regime of Saddam Hussein attacked our heroic forces...
How can it be evil when he does it, and heroic when we do it?
What part of 'us' and 'them' don't you understand?

 

by jackc
3-30-03
Iraqi soldiers disguised as civilians and US troops attacked coalition forces in yet another despicable act of terrorism.
Blah, blah, blah!
So French resistance fighters, Russian partisans, Nancy Wake and Charlotte Grey were despicable terrorists?
Blah, blah, blah!
I wonder if Where Eagles Dare, The Guns of Navarone, Battle Of The Bulge and The Dirty Dozen are in any way responsible for these tactics?

 

by jackc
3-30-03
The evil regime of Saddam Hussein has slighty injured two people in a bungled terrorist attack on an innocent shopping mall in Kuwait.
Blah, blah, blah!
How can that be worse than killing 60-odd people in a bungled missile attack on a Baghdad market?
Blah, blah, blah!
I guess all Iraqis are our enemies until proved otherwise or whenever we conquer Iraq and set them "free".

 

by jackc
4-01-03
Today we killed even more Iraqi civilians than we did yesterday!
So, this is what the White House means when it says it's winning the Iraq war?
Blah, blah, blah!
Every day there is an increasing number of people around the world who hate us with a passion -- and they're not even radical muslims!
Blah, blah, blah!
Can you shut the fuck up?

 

by jackc
4-01-03
Today we killed several women and children who wouldn't stop at a US checkpoint in their own country.
Jeezus, is this how we're winning the hearts and minds?
But we were restrained in the circumstances...
They could have killed everyone?
And we provided body bags and some financial compensation for the loss of family members.
These guys are beginning to make Saddam look like a sweetcake!

 

by jackc
4-02-03
I've turned the TV war off as it was driving me mad!
Now I'm listening to music and watching my favourite sitcoms again! Ha ha ha, Homer you kill me!
But will I tune in again tomorrow just to see what the score is?

 

by jackc
4-05-03
US forces have started dropping cluster bombs on Iraqi "civilians" -- if that's what they really claim to be.
But aren't those weapons of mass destruction? And what about all those depleted uranium weapons?
We don't respect any international treaty banning OUR weapons of mass destruction!
And Saddam is still the bad guy in all of this madness?
Look, do you want to be declared a traitor like Peter Arnett and Mike Moore or a patriot like Private Lynch?
I just want you to stop telling me how to think, and who's right and wrong in all of this!

 

by jackc
4-07-03
Today's assassination attempt targetted a residential block where the evil dictator was believed to be holed up!
According to a US official there is a big hole where the target used to be!
No one can say if anyone was in the building, let alone the evil dictator!
Wouldn't a box of poisoned cigars been cheaper and a lot less messy?

 

by jackc
4-12-03
Today, Donald Rumsfeld said little damage had been inflicted on Iraq.
I guess that's why his Republican mates are only getting $100b in reconstruction contracts.
Today, Richard Perle said Ahmed Chalabi would make an excellent Iraqi president.
I guess the fact that he is a convicted embezzler facing 22 years in prison doesn't count.
Meanwhile, the US is still figuring out who is going to control Iraqi oil.
Why does all this remind me of Enron?

 

by jackc
4-12-03
Mohammed Said al-Sahhaf
The infidels are committing suicide by the hundreds on the gates of Baghdad.
I suppose he has to say that.
Donald Rumsfeld
Reports of widespread destruction and looting are exaggerated.
I suppose he has to say that.
Fox News
We won the war! We won the war! Nana nana na na!
Aargh! They don't have to say that!

 

by jackc
4-15-03
According to Donald Rumsfeld, "Free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things."
Mmmm...
Blah blah blah...
Does this mean that what we did in Iraq was a mistake, a crime or a bad thing?
Blah blah blah.
Or does it mean I can now get shitfaced and do whatever I like with that cute little girl who lives down the lane? Oh yeah!

 

by jackc
5-05-03
I don't know what that lovely actor sees in that slut.
Who are you talking about?
You know, he was in that really cool movie and she came along and stole him at that wild rapper's party.
Oh, you're so dumb. He stole her at the Oscars!
Why?
Have you ever seen her eat a banana?

 

by jackc
8-06-03
Before the Afghan war
Me oh my. Woe is me. This is terrible. What will these neo-con crazies think of next?
Fucking terrorist!
Before the Iraq war
Me oh my. Woe is me. This is terrible. What will these neo-con crazies think of next?
Fucking traitor!
Before the 2004 elections
Me oh my. Woe is me. This is terrible. What will these neo-con crazies think of next?
Fucking loser!

 

by jackc
8-06-03
So this wireless technology is, like, really great!
Sure thing 748GZ!
So whaddya want me to load into that cute little hard drive of yours?
Oh, you are wicked!
Well?
Not until you activate your anti-virus software!

Showing page 1.