All comics by jackmurphy

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by jackmurphy
7-06-02
What's 18 inches long and makes women scream in the night?
I dunno, what?
Crib death!
Ha!
I am a funny muthfucka!
True dat, nigga!

 

by jackmurphy
7-06-02
"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."
You didn't quote Leviticus last night, honey.
"The secret of the LORD [is] with them that fear him; and he will shew them his covenant."
Oooh, Psalms now. I got your secret right here!
"And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst."
You're such hot cock!

 

by jackmurphy
7-06-02
You wanna go down why not, I be like Herbie and Hand-you-a-Cock, And tell you that my name is Ak'
Get on your kness, make like the breeze begin to blow, But don't give me no Ralph Lauren grin If you're not down to go low
I'm all about mouth fuckin, only if you down for dick suckin, if not, bj and a beer...keep truckin, and fuck chapsticks
I'm comin ashy as hell, wit chapped dicks, for your chapped ass lips, creamin your teeth like dentists as I'm rubbin them
With an erection like injections, fuck it I be druggin them, Numbing up your tonsils, like ambesol anesthetic, Cummin down your throat like chloraseptic
No time for apologin.. girlfriend if you swallowin, garglin,I'm givin bitches permanent beards, Put your lips here and catch these damn facial hairs, in your mouth

 

by jackmurphy
7-06-02
I haven't taken a solid shit in weeks and this morning my shit was green.
My shit was green, too. Must be something we drank.
You don't think I have cancer, do you?
No, I think you drink to much alcohol. You've been drunk for like a month.
I bet its cancer.
Fine, don't listen to me. Its cancer, not your heroic alcohol intake.

 

by jackmurphy
7-06-02
Excuse me, my child.
Yes?
Where can I guy like me get a rub and a tug around here, sweet meat?
AHHHHHHHH!!!
My bad.
Tsk, tsk.

 

by jackmurphy
7-06-02
Jesus turns on VH1 and comes face to face with his mortal enemy, Creed frontman Scott Stapp.
"With arms wide open..."
I wish this motherfucker would stop blaming me for his music
"My sacrifice..."
Damn, I hate his guts!
"I created my own prison..."
I wish I had a gun...

 

by jackmurphy
7-06-02
Dude, did you hear the new Slayer record?
I don't like Slayer.
Who do you like?
Dashboard Confessional.
You're gay.

 

by jackmurphy
7-06-02
What's the difference between Irish girls and garbage?
I dunno, what?
Garbage gets picked up!
Ha!
Ain't no nigga in hell funnier than my reapin' ass!
You said it, my brotha!

 

by jackmurphy
7-07-02
Why did the farmer cross the road?
I dunno, why?
Cause his dick was stuck in the chicken!
Ha!
Word life!
That's some funny shit, dawg!

 

by jackmurphy
7-08-02
What is it?
Its a polar bear!
I don't get it, it looks like a blank canvas.
That's the beauty of it. It could be one polar bear, it could be a million. It's up to us to interpret what the artist meant.
Shouldn't art look like things?
Shut up.

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