All comics by jonnie

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by jonnie
11-03-04
Is that blood on your shoes?
Yeah, and some brain matter.
Wanna hear a funny story?

 

by jonnie
11-03-04
I tried out my new stand up act in the comedy club downtown.
I told them the one about the rotting, dead monkey dressed up in a clown costume. No one thought it was very funny.
Either that, or they just weren't into prop comics.

 

by jonnie
11-03-04
My warranty has expired?

 

by jonnie
11-03-04
I hate the Holidays...

 

by jonnie
11-03-04
Lost your cat?
Yes, how did you know?
Check under my tires.
What?

 

by jonnie
11-05-04
After this last election, I wrote a letter to the president saying I'm going to send out my evil flying monkeys to rip off his face.
Jokes on him though...
Those monkeys don't listen to nobody.

 

by jonnie
11-05-04
Everytime I turn around, you're trying to steal my bananas. What do you have to say for yourself?
Fuck off.

 

by jonnie
11-05-04
Hi.
Well hello there, little girl.
One day you'll grow up to be a fine young woman, with round pouty lips, a firm, supple bottom, and perky, large breasts. Until then, we'll have to make love with the lights off.
I hate you.

 

by jonnie
6-13-05
Are cumcumbers fruits or vegetables?
They're vegetables.
Well, they should be fruits, because they're good.

 

by jonnie
6-13-05
Today in class some kids were talking about how they use DC++ to get pirated material
I wanted to be like, "Oh yeah, bitches? I use bittorrent, AND LINUX!"
But you didn't.
Of course not, they might be spies.

 

by jonnie
6-13-05
I just got a brand new computer: 1.5 gigs of RAM, 4 PCI express ports, eVGA GeForce 6800 GT graphics card with 512 megabytes.
4.3 GHz AMD Athlon duel processor, an 18 inch LCD flat panel monitor with 6200 DPi, and a 160 gigabyte harddrive.
I don't even know what a ram is.

 

by jonnie
6-13-05
I heard they're thinking of bringing back the draft because of the low recruit numbers.
Just do the butter butt if you do get drafted.
"Butter butt?"
Before you go for the interview for recruitment, put some peanut butter in your ass crack.
And, in the middle of the interview, while the guy is talking, reach in your pants and pull some butter from your butt and eat it.

 

by jonnie
6-13-05
My grades have dramastically improved from last semester.
Did you just say "dramastically?"

 

by jonnie
6-13-05
The day I lost respect for my father.
I'm really proud that you're in college. You're doing so well, and I wish we would hang out like we used to.
Me too, dad.
Well, I just wanted to say how proud I am of you. Keep gettin' 'er done, son.
...k.

 

by jonnie
6-13-05
I never had to wear braces.
My theory on the increase in the use of braces is the fact that people who would normally have jacked teeth now have good teeth because of braces.
In turn, these people who should never procreate because of their bad teeth now get sex much easier, and are able to pass on their defective teeth genes to the next generation.
This creation of an infinite number of bad teeth profits only the dental community. It deepens the pockets of fat, lazy orthodontists who are actually creating the problems they claim to be solving.

 

by jonnie
6-13-05
Ok, you might get the job, let's pretend I'm the guy interviewing you. What are some are you strong points in computer science?
I can draw a pretty good kitty in MS Paint.
You're hired!

 

by jonnie
6-13-05
I'm sick of being a man.
Why's that?
Well, if you're a woman you can have "girl power," and everyone is okay with that.
Right.
But, if you're a man and you have "white power" you're suddenly a "bigot" and "politically incorrect."
You're just on a roll today aren't you?

 

by jonnie
6-13-05
Clango and Maura seem to have a lot in common.
Later, Indy Pete inquires on the encounter between Clango and Maura.
Yo, dude, are you going to put it in the butt?
No way, that's where doodoos come from.
But, that's where the babies don't come from.
Yeah, but there's junk in the trunk 24/7, how often is there a bun in the oven?

 

by jonnie
6-13-05
Ol' Dirty Bastard had a line of underwear called "Ol' Dirty Drawers."
Nah uh.
For real, Google it.
I believe you.
ODB... his heart was too big for this world.
Rest in peace Big Baby Jesus...

 

by jonnie
6-14-05
I got a theory as to why the Jews are so successful as a people.
Those Jews who survived the holocaust were cunning enough to outsmart the Nazis. This means the weaker, inferior, less intelligent Jews were exterminated, leaving only the best in their place.
All my theories point to Jesus.

 

by jonnie
6-15-05
So, are you nervous that your new roommate is a frat guy?
Nah, he's a sensible guy, we're actually moving our stuff in tommorrow.
The next day...
This is definately the best way to make friends with our Asian neighbors
It smells like gook up in here!
It smell so much like gook!

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