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| Oh, hi, everybody. Today my head's up higher than usual. Last week my back was nearly parallel to the floor and this woman starts ironing on me. | |
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| When I feel down and depressed, and I'm tired of smiling too much, that's when I get up the courage to watch a tape of Steven Wright. | |
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| After I hired a guy to place moles in a neighbor's yard, he mistakenly did my house instead. It was just my luck that I picked a dyslexic "hitman." | |
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