All comics by leggo_my_ego

 

by leggo_my_ego
7-30-08
Celebrities visit during the newly built Sea City, 2000' below sea level
Everyone, as you can see after our tour, Sea City is up and running! Our clear dome wall protects us.
Sir! There's this little hole in the dome wall right next to Rosie O'Donnell!
Run over there and put your finger in the dike. That should handle it.
Not long after and the sea is everywhere...
Evidently you put your finger in the wrong dike.

 

by leggo_my_ego
7-30-08
National News Team, Stan and Glinda
Social scientists have found out that straight men who look at pictures of homosexual men, turn them into homosexuals themselves, and then they go to Hell.
For instance, a macho, all-his-life, 100-year-old man who looked at Liberace's photo on his deathbed, is now in Hell.
Stan, didn't YOU just have a newborn baby boy?
Yes, and my wife showed our baby Liberace's picture so she wouldn't be treated to any surprises later in life.
???

 

by leggo_my_ego
7-30-08
Father, I failed you. I drove the long distance to the crowded market in the car, got out right away, but it failed to blow up.
Ah, I see you have a burnt mouth from trying to blow hard on the tailpipe.
There is another way to blow up a car without burning my lips?
Hmm. Let me see...
Of course! Wait till the tailpipe has cooled off!

 

by leggo_my_ego
7-30-08
I'm Sheriff Joe Arpaio, and I instituted Tent City, pink underwear, bringing back chain gangs, and giving out green bologna sandwiches.
I know. You're plenty tough. Look, sheriff, the Sudoku is invading the country. What can we do?
Those darned aliens must be beaten back! Hey, I deputize you to get prisoners to do a perimeter sweep. In the meantime, I have business to attend to.
Yes, sir.
Now I can spend some peace and quiet. Hey, where's that book someone left here, the one with the numbers in the squares? I just can't put it down!

 

by leggo_my_ego
7-30-08
Officer, why did you pull me over?
You weren't speeding in your car on the road. You were speeding on the park grass a mile back.
I was crawling on the ground after my infant!
My radar clocked you going 2 m.p.h. in a 1 m.p.h. crawl zone.
I wish you could give me a break.
Alright. I'll amend it to "Failure to yield to a turtle."

 

by leggo_my_ego
7-31-08
Officer, my radio is stuck on Ratt. I can't get rid of it!
I'll get you some Poison to cover it up.
Two minutes later...
But now I'm overdosing on that!
Okay, then. Wait right there; I've got The Cure.

 

by leggo_my_ego
7-31-08
Oh, hi, everybody. Today my head's up higher than usual. Last week my back was nearly parallel to the floor and this woman starts ironing on me.
Ha. Ha.
Hoo. Hoo.
When I feel down and depressed, and I'm tired of smiling too much, that's when I get up the courage to watch a tape of Steven Wright.
After I hired a guy to place moles in a neighbor's yard, he mistakenly did my house instead. It was just my luck that I picked a dyslexic "hitman."
Hee. Hee.

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