All comics by oBSo1337

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by oBSo1337
2-28-01
*Click click...step step step step step...BOOM BOOM CRACK* [oBSo1337 was John Woo'd by k3v1N]
[respawn in 5 seconds]
I saw your reflection, you bitch.

 

by oBSo1337
2-28-01
9:28 P.M. - Saturday Night
[Ian: Why do you always complain about not getting any?]
[oBSo1337: Well, it's a little more complicated than that. Sarah wants to go on a date, and I know if I DO go, she'll want me to stay the night at her place, and we'll end up....phone's ringing. BRB]
Hiya, babe. I just called to let you know that I just got back from Victoria's Secret...I have something I have to show you when you come over tonight. Are you still able to come?
Uhm, I can't really do anything tonight. The office just paged me, and I have to do some late work this evening. Let's plan it again, OK?
[Ian: So you turned her down just to rematch me at Team Fortress?]
Yeah, she wasn't feeling well. 3y3 wi11 0wnz j00!

 

by oBSo1337
2-28-01
[Sarah: I just don't know what you mean by that. You never talk on the phone but we spend hours chatting on the computer. I need to talk to you IN PERSON.]
[oBSo1337: Can't. I just got a really bad case of Schytholerpthermia and I must get better!
[Sarah: Fine. Bye.]
[oBSo1337: But I have to go, Ian's here to return my games.]
So then you just left her hanging. Good job - but how do you know she was mad at you?
I could tell by the tone of her text.

 

by oBSo1337
2-28-01
9:32 AM - Monday Morning
There are times when I think: Corporate America is not much different from many other countries. We have a caste system..
Those guys who get dirt pay for doing things like building houses and skyscrapers like this one. And then we, the computer literate, getting paid 5 times more for working 5 times harder.
[Your download of GIRLONGIRLFUNBATH.MPG has failed.]
Fuck!

 

by oBSo1337
2-28-01
Your runtime .DLL's have been corrupted. Please re-install Windows.
Goddamnit.
Verifying your Windows 95 key, please wait...
Now installing Windows 95. Bill Gates is your Lord. Please enter the CD-Key for your soul...
Must....obey.....clouds...

 

by oBSo1337
2-28-01
Ian, you know how I always make fun of you because of your shitty modem connection, right?
Yeah, and emotionally wounded me because of it too!
I went out of my way and bought you something to express my apology..
Man, you shouldn't have.
A big T-Shirt that says "HPB!"
I hope you know I'm going to kill you in your sleep.

 

by oBSo1337
2-28-01
What you say !!
Somebody set up us the bomb!!
Hey, here comes Sarah.
She won't get it.
ALL YOUR BA...
OLD

 

by oBSo1337
2-28-01
OBS!
I sat down at my computer and I saw the keys were all sticky! Don't you have the common courteousy to clean things up? It's bad enough that I always find the toilet seat up, and blah blah blah blah..
Oh Lord, what did I do to deserve this.
That bitch is your problem, not mine.

 

by oBSo1337
2-28-01
Yo, Stu. Like I was sayin', you white punk ass bitches need all the help you can get. Ya'll wit yo mocha latte's and non-dairy creamaz...
Tyrone, what the Hell are you talking about? Those are GOOD qualities! What are YOU known for? Gang-fights in dark alleys?
Yo, you'd betta back offa dat, I was BUILT for night-combat, fool!
I'm goin'! I'm goin'!

 

by oBSo1337
2-28-01
This application has experienced an illegal operation, and must be closed. Error number: 31337
Grrrr....can the people on my staff not do ANYTHING right? This requires a small meeting...
How are you, gentlemen? I..
HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHA!!!
This "All Your Base" shit needs to die out, and quick.

 

by oBSo1337
2-28-01
Tell me about this new girl that you met...
Where to begin...
She drove me home in her Ferrari. She has blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect skin, a very sexy smile. Recently graduated from Harvard University, she's 5'8, she weighs 98 lbs. She lives in a huge mansion
Wow, sounds like quite a woman. I'll bet she has one monster computer.
She threw her computer out, she totally hates them.
Remember that conversation we had about you not setting your standards high enough?

 

by oBSo1337
2-28-01
You were right about those chemical equations, I never knew something could be so explosive.
No problem. How did the C4 box work out?
We took it to the firing range and watched the results.
Firing range?
By the way, school is suddenly closed for renovation. Mind if I crash here for a couple months?

 

by oBSo1337
2-28-01
Don't lie to me, Obs. I can tell when I am being ignored.
Sarah, what makes you POSSIBLY think I am ignoring you?
Every time I try and get a hold of you on your computer, you're always on AWAY mode. And when I try and call Ian, his line is busy. It's not rocket science to figure out what you're doing.
Before you say anything, I can explain. I'm not having an affair with you.
I know you're not having an affair with me. You just always ignore me so you can play Starcraft with your little LAN buddies.
Damn. She's good.

 

by oBSo1337
2-28-01
You know, I think you really have a serious addiction to your computer, and I....ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?
exec anger.cfg +duck uNF uNF uNF
This'll get your attention...
1:ON JOIN:/say ARRR MATEY! /exit #channel
:)

 

by oBSo1337
2-28-01
You have your "Offended Public Bathroom" expression. What happened?
Ugggh, it was traumatizing, I tell you...
I was at the urinal taking a leak. After I finish my business I proceed to the sink to wash my hands. Then this little punk-kid comes up to me and forces his religion in my face. "Jesus died for your
Why? Because you hate Jesus?
No, because he didn't wash his hands.

 

by oBSo1337
3-01-01
Hey, Obs. I just got a message from the boss, and he seems really pissed off about something. He wants to see you in his office - pronto.
Shit! This is about the report, isn't it?
No, worse. He found out that you rigged the entire technical floor with networking cable so you can play Quake with the staff all day.
Bust-ed.
He's upset because you didn't bother to rig his office too.

 

by oBSo1337
3-01-01
Hi, Obs. I've been waiting for you. Take a seat, we have to talk.
Is something wrong, Mr. Beelze?
I was rooting the office network this morning, when I stumbled across a folder in the 'customer' directory, containing over a gig of pornographic material.
I can explain everything, Mr. Beelze. You see, Dave and I..
I don't need your two-bit lies, Obs; I've heard them all before. What I want YOU to explain, is how you managed to get the password from my personal files to access and distribute this material!
Shit.

 

by oBSo1337
3-01-01
[Jeremy: It was such a tough day at work. I stayed there until 4 A.M. writing the JavaScript for the company website. I swear, seeing so much code can push a guy over the edge.
[oBSo1337: populate_back(selectform.bg2);change_category(cat, sucks to be you, dest) -- will update the specified char :)]
[Jeremy: I'll BBL] - [Jeremy has set himself to AWAY mode.]
Time Elapsed: 12 minutes, 37 seconds
[Jeremy has been AWAY for 12:37]
Why do I have the feeling he won't be at the office for a while..

 

by oBSo1337
3-01-01
Your boss ended up yelling at you because you were looking at girl-on-girl porn in your cubicle?!
Sarah..
What kind of sick fuck are you? Why am I even dating you? Did I not fulfill my role as a girlfriend to please you enough?! Where did I go wrong?
.....
This is all because I didn't want to dress up like Lara Croft and force you into submission, isn't it?!
I'm not having this conversation.

 

by oBSo1337
3-01-01
Hi, Sarah. I'm back. What are you playing?
The Sims.
Cool, how do you play? That guy you're controlling looks an awful lot like me...
I know. Look at what he can do! I wish you could do that...
I think I catch your drift.
Oh! And look at this! He can clean things up by HIMSELF! Wow, he even has a job that makes great pay! Oh, look at this...here comes the wife and kids..

 

by oBSo1337
3-01-01
Hey. Back from the clinic so soon?
Yeah. The people there said that Sarah ended up giving me Chlymidia, but I haven't seen anything weird yet.
You never do. Chlymidia is one of those sexually tramsmitted diseases that doesn't show any symptoms.
What?
Dude, calm down..
I get freaked out over a fucking virus, just to find out I formatted my hard drive for NOTHING?!

 

by oBSo1337
3-01-01
I can't believe Dave came into the office this morning with a shotgun.
I know. He was one of my best employees.
I didn't even know the guy that well. You have to be one weird individual to do something like that.
I know. I never heard a peep out of him, either. He wouldn't talk to anyone, and he always isolated himself in his cubicle listening to Frank Sinatra and Bach.
That sick fuck.
I know. Let's get some coffee.

 

by oBSo1337
3-01-01
Hi, Loverboy. I went out and got something for myself that you might like...
Is it more sexy lingerie?
Nope. I went out and bought myself a brand new computer so I can network it with yours, so we can have some late night 'Action'...
Right here. Right now.

 

by oBSo1337
3-01-01
Hey, it's about time you got back from the video store. What did you get?
I got a couple of John Woo flicks, and some Anime movies.
What's that Anime flick you're watching right now?
It's called "Tentaclegoushi Attacks Mitsuyosa And Bangs Her With Much Force"
Oh my dear Lord...
Heh, heh, look at that! Her tits are as big as her eyes!

 

by oBSo1337
3-01-01
Hey, Obs. I finally finished my Half-Life mod, wanna check it out?
Sure, I'll take a look when I get home.
[Now presenting Real-Life: A total conversion made with the Half-Life engine!]
Hmmm, good architecture. Good textures. Excellent flow movement...
[You have just spent $200. You now have two chromed .45 Berettas]
This place looks a lot like work.

 

by oBSo1337
3-01-01
Ya'll I be sayin', I rip this hood up, and I smoke muh crack, the Schwab posse gonna giv' you a hawt-attack!
Wicka wicka wicka WOW mutha fucka!
This guy's not so bad. He has some pretty good rhymes..
He's white, man.
This guy's white? What the Hell, this guy blows asshole.
With a last name like "Schwab", that's as white as you can get!

 

by oBSo1337
3-01-01
Why do I always ponder this at times? Why do I always have qualms with organized religion? Why have people gone 2000 years worshipping a corpse on a cross?
Why must people be sheep to such a commercialized religion? Don't people know that religion is a crutch for the weak? Casting beliefs on fictional characters and all. And why you?
Because I look awesome, you Godless, Quake-playing fuck! Look at these abs ripple.

 

by oBSo1337
3-02-01
You shitwad, don't make me get up off of this desk and beat the living Hell out of you.
Bring it on, you underclocked piece of crap.
I will destroy you! I will kill your boss, rape your girlfriend, and fill your planet with 404 errors.
I am in control of your life, you know. I programmed you, and I can just as easily format you.
You can not format my aspirations of world-conquest.
I love AI scripts.

 

by oBSo1337
3-02-01
Ian, check it! I actually got to work ON TIME this morning!
Hey, good for you! Did you finally take my advice and buy a new alarm clock?
Actually, I stayed up all night writing an alarm-clock program in C++. After my computer is idle for 2 hours, it sets the alarm integer for 0600. When it reaches 0530, it turns the volume up to 85...
So when it reaches 0600, it plays a .wav file of a gunshot, startling me awake and making me unable to go back to sleep!
I'm not sure whether I should credit you for your creativity, or your countless ways of being cheap.

 

by oBSo1337
3-02-01
[Sarah: Obs, we really need to talk, and you're not making it any easier for us!
[oBSo1337: Each time I wake up in the morning, I grab a glass of cocoa puffs and a monkeywrench.
[Sarah: Are you on drugs or something? What is your problem?]
[oBSo1337: Don't fart after eating Spaghetti-O's, a surprise is just around the corner.]
Random quote generator: Activated. [oBSo1337: I like pie!]

 

by oBSo1337
3-02-01
Hey. There's a website I found this afternoon, I put the URL on your desk. Hope you like it.
Cool, thanks.
www.pr0nqueen.com? This site contains a bunch of underage 17-year old girls! This is so wrong.
*click* [Save picture as...]

 

by oBSo1337
3-02-01
He forgot to put the password back on his computer. I don't think he'll mind if I take a small peek in here...
That sick pervert. How did he manage to get all of these naked pictures of me? The only pictures he has of me don't even go below my shoulders! I don't remember posing in positions like these.
I have the body of a porno model. I never knew my boobs looked that nice...

 

by oBSo1337
3-04-01
1337tf2d00d: I never thought I would see the day where I would be playing a game where you could actually TALK to your teammates and such.
player: Mic chatting 0wnz.
1337tf2d00d: Yes it does! It certainly puts a new perspective on the gaming world.
player: That is true. Can you imagine how much more productive people will be with this new method of communication?
1337tfcd00d: You have such a wimpy sounding voice. Did you even break puberty yet?
player: Check out these pr0n tunes! Booow wicka wicka wicka bow wow...

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