All comics by ohfaerienuff

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by ohfaerienuff
9-14-07
Maeve and Meagan act as greeters.
Greetings, Row. I trust you'll be on your best behavior today?
I'll try not to eat anybody, if that's what you mean.
Hi. Have we met?
Nah, I'm a werewolf. I'm just here to act nice until I decide to threaten to kill you all.
Greetings, um...
Yeah, have you seen Lexi?

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-15-07
Challenges are issued for the joust.
Sir Rory Moore, you have dishonored my sister. For this you must die!
I swear, I never touched her.
Yes, and for that you must die!
Oh.
I can't believe I'm watching this.

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-15-07
You, defenseless little girl, I challenge you to a brutal fight.
Yeah, that's not gonna work for me.
Um, help? Will no one save me?
I will fight in your stead.
Aren't you the guy who tried to kill Rory?
No, there just isn't a lot of clip-art in this program for knights.

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-15-07
Next came the Battle of Wits
Scissors beat paper.
Rock beats scissors.
Paper beats rock.
Then why can't its magical rock-beating powers apply to a pair of scissors?
I can't stop using intangible concepts.
I'll kill you with snakes.

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-15-07
Then the werewolves got pissy.
...and then we totally banished the Wyrm to the Atrocity Realm.
Did you give it a deadline?
Well, no.
That could be a problem.
What do you think, crinos werewolf?
Grr, grar, rar rar rar rar rar..... [I say we kill them with snakes.]

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-16-07
Meanwhile, Rory starts work on his father's cursed sword.
Hey Rory, what are all these bunks for?
I'm going to do a saining on this sword that scares the crap out of commoners when it's unsheathed.
Don't you think that might cause some problems?
I don't see why it would...
Right, Tally?... Tally?

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-16-07
As the sun set, dinner was full of surprises.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: High King David!
Hello everybody! I'm just here to evaluate the Commonwealth. No pressure, though.
Oh, and it's Lady Tabitha
Um, what?!
There's a few more bees than I expected.
Say, are you gonna eat that?

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-16-07
Everyone was asked to weigh in on the Commonwealth.
I think it does more harm than good.
I will give it up if it helps other Commonweaths thrive. Also, I can be surprisingly eloquent if I spend all my mental traits.
We're all just trying to help each other out. It's all about the peace and love.
But Row, you're a murderer!
Uh...
Pay no attention to the little girl with Bard's Tongue.

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-16-07
We were all treated to a story.
Once upon a time, Gaia created the Earth, and then the Weaver made the Wyrm go loony.
But Gaia is the Earth.
The werewolves were fighting the Wyrm, and we helped them and made some oaths we didn't write down, for some reason.
Shouldn't they have been fighting the Weaver?
Then the Sidhe buggered off and no one could remember the oaths we apparently broke.
Long story short: We're screwed.

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-16-07
After dinner, there was "revelry", i.e.
That's an excellent idea. Someone should be writing this down.
everyone broke out to discuss strategy
Hey, spinning fire over here!
and they all ignored the rabbit.
Hello!?!
Screw you all.

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-19-07
Ugh no, too smelly - No, too messy
Ahh... perfect!
Oh... God... NO!!!!
mmm.......
Hey, Tally. Whatcha thinking about?
Oh, nothing, Moishe.

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-21-07
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Leave this place, go to the Atrocity Realm, and never return.
Heard it.

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-21-07
Hey Buster... what are you doing?
Beating your high score in Equilibrium.
I'm afriad I can't let you do that.
What are you gonna do about it?
Anally rape you with a broom handle, then flay you alive and wear your skin as a coat.
Oh, look, Taiko Drum Master!

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-23-07
Have you noticed that our conversations get a lot of views on the boards?
Yeah, what's up with that?
I guess it's like a soap opera.
Everyone's looking to see some action?
I bet we could make a lot of money in porn.
Nah, we always go to PM's at the good part.

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-24-07
Okay kids, the Count should have squared everything away for the jet. I'll just go in and get the paperwork.
But, isn't he in Crazytown, right now? Population: Max.
It's... it's so perfect here. Just me and this adorable mouse.
I'm your girlfriend, jackass.
Shit.

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-24-07
Ring Ring
Oooh, that noise again. What could it possibly mean?
Hi. Coun... um... Maa... Hi. We're at your office and all the paperwork is signed "Count Drustan ap Dougal".
mmmff mrm rrmfm rmrm rmr ffrm
*sigh* Turn the phone around. (This is going to be a long phone call.)
Phone? Is that what you're called, little fellow? Well, you sound a lot like Baroness Anders!

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-24-07
One strange phone call later, they were on the Z Corp jet.
How long is this flight? Seven hours? *gasp* We could watch The Nightmare Before Chrismas five times!
Go to sleep, Tally!
Seven hours later:
Okay kids, we're about to land. Does everybody have their passports ready?
Duh. Who would even think of flying internationally without one?
Um... passport?
Oh my god. Rory, if we live through this, I'm going to kill you. *sigh* Here, give me one of your socks...

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-24-07
Sicily International Airport
Stay together, everybody. Once we get through the airport, we'll get a couple rooms and rest for the night.
Not to worry, Baroness. We have the situation well in hand.
Okay, now remember: your name is Juan Valdez Guerrero, you're a US citizen, and the cantrip should hold on your sock for at least the next 5 minutes.
I still can't believe they made it through Customs.
I guess now would be a bad time to mention my duffle bag full of weapons.
?

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-26-07
So, Ace, what's the plan?
Follow this burning pain on my arm, find the ghosts, kill the ghosts.
Wow, Sicily is a lot nicer than I expected.
Yeah, I'm surprised.
Oh, spoke too soon.

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-26-07
Later, at the hotel:
I got two rooms. Ladies in one room, gentlemen in the other.
damn.
Don't worry, Rory. I'll stay on my side of the bed.
I hope so. I don't want to wake up to you spooning me.
Later that night.
mmmf mmf
BWAH! What the fuck!?!

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-26-07
They found a secluded park in which to cast a Will O' The Wisp.
This little light of mine...
I'm glad we decided not to try triangulating from this close. That would have been silly.
It brought them to a vinyard on a rolling hillside.
We should say something funny here.
Do I look like a clown to you?
They decided to park way down the hill, but didn't have to walk far.
We must be close; my arm is freaking killing me.
Would-a you like-a da ride?

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-28-07
They were driven up the hill and had a tour of the vinyard.
Dis-a is-a our-a home-a. Beautiful, no?
It's lovely. Thank you for your hospitality.
You think we can get him to say "That's a spicy meat-a-ball"?
Don't taunt the natives, Tally. We need to be looking for ghosts.
Found one.

 

by ohfaerienuff
9-28-07
They were invited to dine with the family who owned the vinyard. They soon found the six ghosts at the table.
I told you never to show your stinking face again. Now you come to my home? You must really want to die.
I say we hang 'em.
I say we kill 'em.
I say we hang 'em, then we kill 'em.
How about you just come along peacefully to meet with the Reaper? How bad could that be?
You must be new here.

 

by ohfaerienuff
10-01-07
During dinner, Ms. Anders became fluent in Italian somehow.
Mi scusi, passi per favore il sale?
Sono spiacente, la principessa è in un altro castello.
The ghosts continued to taunt Rory.
Eh, snot-nose! I didn't claw my way out of Hell just to get sent back by you and your girlfriend here.
I don't know about you, but I'm starting to like this guy.
Inevitably, after dinner a fight ensued.
Why are they swinging their swords at nothing?

 

by ohfaerienuff
10-04-07
They lured four ghosts away from the rest of the family.
Oh, you are so dead!
Look who's talking.
The battle was dangerous, and pointy.
Rory, stop smack talking the ghosts and just kill them already.
Oogedy boogedy!
And hard to depict here without clip-art of them holding weapons.
I find your appearance offensive, to say the least.
Hey, I'm a ghost over here. Do I look like a... oh crap...

 

by ohfaerienuff
10-04-07
Our interpid heroes triumphed over the four ghosts, with Tally doing the majority of the damage.
uuungghhh......
Are you still trying to win?
They hi-tailed it out of there before Rory could sustain any more injuries.
Hey, four marks are gone from my arm, and everything is spinning.
Perhaps you should lie down for a bit.
At Ms. Anders' suggestion, they spent the next night in a different hotel. The hotel they had been in mysteriously burned to the ground that night. And they enjoyed an uneventful ride home.
ZZZZZZZZZZ..........
ZZZZZZZZZZ..........

 

by ohfaerienuff
10-06-07
You may be wondering why I've called you all here today.
This is in regards to a very serious situation which has recently come to my attention.
This freehold has been overrun with marmalade koala bears. They're delicious and adorable, but deadly...
Oookaaaay... Can we go see the Duke now?

 

by ohfaerienuff
10-20-07
If this table keeps giving me baklava, I'm going to be sick.
If the cops come to get me, I'll let them. I wonder if people will intervene on my behalf...
W00t, booze! Um, anybody want to eat this mouse?
Dip it in chocolate, and it's mine.
Does anyone else have a sense of impending doom?
This powder makes my nose feel funny!

 

by ohfaerienuff
10-31-07
You never know where you'll wake up...
Oh shit.
Oh yeah.
or with whom...
Oh, thank you, Buddha.
Tabs is gonna shoot me in the face.
the morning after Samhain.
...
Are you here to give me nose tinglies?

 

by ohfaerienuff
11-08-07
After Samhain, tensions ran high.
Are you sure you didn't try to kill me?
Why would I ever do that?
Vandalism at Dudley Town on Halloween, a spot known for such things, has now seen something new. Cathy?
Thanks Tom. It seems a number of gray-painted mannequins were found in nice suits and compromising positions...
Oh really? How interesting.
Yeah, I wonder what that was all about...

 

by ohfaerienuff
11-08-07
There was a trial held at Christian, Cain, & Able's.
Buster Keaton, you are charged with violating copyright law. How do you plead?
Like this: Please, please don't put me in prison! It was self-defense!
But was it the real trial?
Yo-Jim-Bo argue for defense!
Yo-Jim-Bo also argue for prosecution!
Only Buster knows for sure.
Mr. Row. Do you know this rabbit?
"Eh, I don't know. Rabbits and n*****s, they all look the same to me.

 

by ohfaerienuff
11-08-07
Hi. I'm Jacob the Werewolf. I'm here to help you with your Wyrm problem.
Oh, great. Come on inside. We're going to discuss our plans.
We should find out what we can. We need to know what we're facing.
Okay, who wants to go on a dangerous recon mission?
Risk my life? That's what I do best. Count me in.
Can I get you all anything? Tea? Coffee? Cyanide pills?

 

by ohfaerienuff
11-08-07
I feel so fantasic! So clean! So new!
Hey Jacob, what's the deal with Max?
Oh, I did a cleansing. We pulled all the toxins out of his body.
But that man has done so much coke.
Oh my god. I'm going to kill him. I'm just going to kill him...

 

by ohfaerienuff
11-08-07
The magnificent seven met again to discuss their Wyrm strategy.
So it's agreed. We just need to find a way to get the Wyrm to swear conflicting oaths.
Congratulations on your plan. I have prepared a fire outside if you would like to...
But then there was a distraction and everyone went outside.
WOOSH!
Hm... All alone...
Almost everyone...
So, can I help you?
Buster Keaton, have I got a deal for you!

 

by ohfaerienuff
12-09-07
12/2, 1:00 pm - Sir Verdamount's house
I'm bored. I need to kill and/or eat something. You guys wanna come see what the hell a bunch of strangers are doing in the Commonweath?
Yeah, why not?
Later, at Dragonback
Is that one of them?
Yeah, and he looks a little heavily armed for the average tourist.
Can I help you? Maybe show you the way out?
Oh, I'm just passing through. I'm not doing any recon or stealing your balefire or anything. No siree, Bob.

 

by ohfaerienuff
12-09-07
The wandering Sidhe wasn't overly concerned with endearing himself to the Commonwealth residents.
Dude, you can't just wander into other people's Freeholds like you own the place.
Nuh-uh. The Escheat totally gives me the right to barge in and demand hospitality.
So, you were just leaving, right?
No, I believe the Escheat also says you need to give me room, board, and free beer.
Oh really? What about all the other people I've seen around here? You know them?
What, that whole bunch of Sidhe and heavily armed people wearing the exact same house colors as me? Never seen 'em before in my life.

 

by ohfaerienuff
12-09-07
The 'Caps, Tabitha, and Tally travelled throughout the Commonwealth, looking for more trespassers.
Is there usually a knight on a wyvern flying over the beach here?
No, it's a freaking Christmas decoration. You like it?
Crap. I think we've been spotted...

 

by ohfaerienuff
12-09-07
On the way back to Dragonback, they found an encampment.
Hey, these guys look an awful lot like that other guy.
And these tents look kinda permanent.
And these... Hey! Samael finally gets a panel!
Dude. Don't look now, but I think we've been spotted.

 

by ohfaerienuff
12-09-07
The visitors were questioned about their intentions, but didn't seem anxious to give answers.
What's the big idea here?
Oh, this? We're, um... hunting a Cyclops. Yeah, that's the ticket! With my wife, Morgan Fairchild.
You know, only like two people are going to get that joke, right?
What do I care? I'm just here to invade the place.
What?!?
I mean, hunt a Cyclops. Right. And the Escheat demands you give me cookies.

 

by ohfaerienuff
12-09-07
Then things got weird.
Seriously, what are you doing here?
Like I told your friend, we're just here to catch the Cyclops. It's killed many. And you have to help us.
Sir Whats-his-face said he was just passing through. And that he didn't know you guys.
Sir Whats-his-face? Why, he's been dead for years.
Um, what?
He's a gho-o-o-o-st... Spooky, no?

 

by ohfaerienuff
12-09-07
They could see this conversation was going nowhere, so they let the encampment be, for now.
Alrighty then. Just don't go any further North, or the Duke's knights will probably kill you.
Yeah, whatever.
Later, at Sir Verdamount's house:
There's this whole encampment. They look ready for war, and we're totally not buying their story about the Cyclops.
Thank you for telling us. Whatever you do, don't go in with a large showing of strength. That will only make things worse.
Rory, gather the nobles. We're going to march to the Commonwealth and make a large showing of strength.
Only if I can be rude to any commoners who want to tag along. That's what I live for.

 

by ohfaerienuff
12-15-07
Deanna, Buster, Tally, and Gustav went to investigate the nursery.
Dude, this thing must have been freaking huge!
Ew, this is disgusting. I think I'm gonna hurl.
All cloaked in hidden form, they were the easiest characters to "illustrate".
What could cause such destruction?
I'll tell you what I saw if you give me some water.
Okay, here's some water. What did all this?
I don't know, man. But it was freaking huge!

 

by ohfaerienuff
12-30-07
There was a man whose name was Lang, and he had a neon sign...
And Mister Lang was very old...
So they called it Old Lang's Sign!

 

It's... It's so perfect here. Hey look, a mouse!
No nose tinglies for you, Sparkles.
by ohfaerienuff, 1-09-08

 

by ohfaerienuff
1-10-08
Sunday Afternoon:
Hang on, what's that?
I feel a great disturbance in the Force...
As if Rory did something really fucking stupid, and then went crazy.

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