All comics by onegirlarmy

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by onegirlarmy
1-27-04
Whoa is me, whoa is me.
Why so sad, Mr. Stick Man... uh... thing?
Hmm... good question... why AM I sad? I could have sworn I knew a minute ago...
Don't think too hard now, buddy. You might hurt yourself.
Yeah, that's it! That's why! I hurt my brain from thinking about it! Owww... the agony...
Uhhh... right.

 

by onegirlarmy
1-27-04
A typical day at the bus stop...
Hey, don't point your sword at me pirate! I will kick you square in the fuckin' balls and rip out your other eye!!
Arrrr, you thinks you can tell me where to point my things, aye little girl? Well, I will show you! FIGHT ME TO THE DEATH!!
*sigh* You'd think since I've been waiting for this damn bus for almost an hour, something interesting was bound to happen by now...

 

by onegirlarmy
1-27-04
Hello, and welcome to Emo Boy Burgers. Remember with every purchase over $5 you win a free copy of the new Get Up Kids CD!
The Get Up Kids? Sounds like some pussy whiny bitches to me!
No, actually, they're a good band. Without their influence, many other newer emo bands today would not be in existance!
Bullshit! This "emo" crap is nothing but boring dribble created by dateless pretty boy losers who dress nerdy and put too much gel in their hair.
Hmmm... wait, you're mocking me, aren't you?
Oh fuck it. Just give me a goddamn cheeseburger and a Pepsi. And make it quick, I have to go home and write a song about how my girlfriend left me.

 

by onegirlarmy
1-27-04
Mail day at summer camp.
Mail call for Billy! It's from your mom.
Oh, yay! Did she send me any candy like I asked her to?
Nope, no candy. All it says is that your dog Sparky died and they were going to bury the body, but it got mauled by the lawnmower. Oh, and she also sent a change of underwear for you.
Hmmm... maybe I should stop reading the campers' mail before I give it to them.
WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! I WANNA GO HOME!!!!

 

by onegirlarmy
1-27-04
Ok, I've been sitting here for over two hours. This bus is never gonna come and I have to pee. I should just get up and go in the bushes real quick or something.
Another hour later...
Hey, my pants are wet all of a sudden... uhhh, wait a sec... ahh, shit.

 

by onegirlarmy
1-27-04
Yes, only 10 seconds left of this Ebay auction! Soon this super rare comic book shall be... NOOO! OUTBID BY A MERE 50 CENTS!
Hey Robby, whatcha doing?
Shhh, quiet! I have to bid in the next 6 seconds or else I'll lose this comic!
Hey, what's this wire loose on the floor here? What happens if I unplug it...
AHHHHHH!! DAMMIT YOU FOOL!! NOT ONLY DID YOU MAKE ME LOSE THAT AUCTION, YOU CUT OFF THE ELECTRICITY!!
Hey, that computer uses too much energy as it is. You should think about conserving.

 

by onegirlarmy
1-28-04
1:45am... somewhere in suburbia...
Honey, why are you still awake? You're not looking at PORNOGRAPHY on that computer, are you???
Of course not, Mom!
Hehe... I'm actually having cybersex with a hot, sexy, slutty Carmen Electra lookalike!
Aww yes, harder baby HARDER! WHO'S YO DADDY?! Cum to me baby... no wait... let me CUM TO YOU! YES, YES, OOOH, HARDER, HARDER...
Meanwhile, at a house two blocks away...
I am so printing this conversation and bringing it to school tomorrow! Billy has the nerve to call ME a loser, but he's the one having cybersex cause he can't get a real girl! REVENGE IS MINE!!!
Honey, it's 2 o'clock in the morning! Stop pretending to be a woman soliciting for cybersex in Internet chat rooms and GO TO SLEEP!

 

by onegirlarmy
1-28-04
This bus is never going to come. You should just go home or go somewhere else.
What's the point? I've been sitting here for so long my ass feels like it's glued to the bench and my feet are stuck to the ground. I can't move.
Okay, so do you mind if I sit here with you? I just came back from rolling around in the dog-poop covered dirt by that tree over there. Man, I'm starting to stink, but I'm too lazy to clean myself.
...
Oh wow, would ya look at like? My body's come back to life again! I CAN MOVE! And hey, there's another bus stop across the street... I think I'll head over there.
Suit yourself, bro.

 

by onegirlarmy
1-28-04
4 hours and counting now, our hero is STILL waiting for the bus.
Aha! A perfect specimen, and he's completly oblivious to his surroundings! Even better!
Swing low sweet chariot, comin' forth to carry me home...
Well I'm sometimes up and sometimes down, comin' forth to carry me home...
Swing low sweet chari- wait, what the fuck? WHERE AM I?!

 

by onegirlarmy
1-28-04
Dude, where am I?
Hahaha, you vile human! You've been taken aboard an alien spacecraft! It's our job to pick up the most pathetic and dumb humans we could find to study them and see what makes them tick!
So wait, you're saying you're an alien, and I'm on a spaceship?
Correct. You're a smart one, eh?
Whoa... I KNEW I should have waited at the bus stop closest to my house.

 

by onegirlarmy
1-28-04
Still in space...
I have to go in there?
Yes. It's the studying room. A vast time of our best scientists are waiting to examine your every move!
I take it I don't have much choice, huh?
No, not really. If you don't go in, I get to put you under a microlazer and fry your brain cells.
Yikes. Okay that's it, from now on I'm walking home. Fuck the bus!
Shush human! You do realize we can read your thoughts, right? And you're thinking so loud, you're giving me a migraine.

 

by onegirlarmy
1-28-04
Man, it sure is dark in here. I wonder how much longer I have to walk until... oh wait! I think I see a light!
What the- where the hell am I now?!
IT'S THE HUMAN! Tell us your secrets! Tell us stories from Earth! Tell us everything you know!!!
Everything? Uh, sure... well, see, so today I was coming home from skating at the park and I decided to take the bus. But looking back on it, I don't think it was such a good idea...

 

by onegirlarmy
1-28-04
3 and a half hours later...
So then there was my 8th birthday party, when Ricky Stienberg tied my shoes together and made me trip during Pin the Tail on the Donkey! Man that was really embarassing...
Okay, yeah, I think this kid is just a little TOO pathetic for our studies. Can I send him back?
Yes, please do so! I can't take this anymore!
And then there was the time... hey... what the-!

 

by onegirlarmy
1-28-04
Hey, I'm back on earth! And what do ya know, the fucking bus still hasn't come! That's it, I'm walking home.
Do dee doo, do dee doo...
Son! It's almost 9:00 at night! Where the hell have you been all day?!
Oh, nowhere. The bus just never came.

 

by onegirlarmy
3-13-05
Gabe and Pete have their weekly music debate...
So Gabe, have you heard the news? The Get Up Kids are breaking up! Oh my god, I'm heartbroken!
Yeah, I heard. I don't care though, really.
WHAT?? How do you not care? They are like, the forerunners of emo!
Forerunners? Are you kidding me? Yeah I admit, they're pretty influential... but you forgot Rites Of Spring, Embrace, and uh... Fugazi? I'd say THEY were the forerunners of emo music.
I've never heard of those bands. Fuga-who? Oh wait... I do know that band, their singer was that guy who coined "straight line", that no drugs thing, right?
Pete, I rest my case.

 

by onegirlarmy
5-12-05
Gabe and Pete go to a local show.
So what band is playing tonight?
I don't know. Some Poison cover band, I think.
A POISON COVER BAND?! Uh... then why are we here?
Dude, Poison is cool! New Found Glory covered them, so they have to be! I wouldn't have heard them otherwise.
Okayyyy... he better be kidding. Please God let him be kidding...
Why are you looking at me like that, Gabe? Do I have something in my teeth?

 

by onegirlarmy
5-12-05
Still at the local show...
Hey Pete, look, there's Maura! You should say hi!
Oh man, no way! I don't know what to say to her.
Dude come on, just say hi. It won't kill you.
Nah man, I can't... I sweat too much, I stutter... I... I... ack here she comes! Hey Maura!!
Ugh... Pete, I swear, one of these days... while you're sleeping...
So Maura, how did you do on the biology test? That's cool, me personally, I think I didn't do too good. Oh, I'd love to study with you sometime!

 

by onegirlarmy
5-21-05
Hey Maura, where did Pete go?
I think he went to the bathroom. I picked some lint off his shirt and he said something about having to vomit.
It's so obvious he likes me, he should just ask me out.
You know what though? He's your typical emo kid. He has to pretend he's shy around girls when he's really not. He's so vain its frightening.
So... if that's the case, he really didn't go to puke because I touched him, am I right?
Probably not. I'll bet you anything he went to go fix his hair. Or practice his "Oh let me pretend to be a sad emo boy" routine. Maybe both even.

 

by onegirlarmy
5-21-05
The show has begun.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! We are "Talk Dirty To Me", this town's ONLY Poison tribute band! Are you folks READY TO ROCK AND ROLL??!!
God Pete, please don't say it... PLEASE don't say it...
HEY, PLAY THAT HEAVEN ISN'T TOO FAR AWAY SONG! The one New Found Glory covered!!! That's the only reason I'm here!
Pete, maybe if you kept your mouth shut, you wouldn't be bleeding right now...
Don't worry dude, I can handle these jerks! HEY WATCH THE HAIR BUDDY, I JUST MOUSSED!!!

 

by onegirlarmy
5-21-05
While Pete is limping out of the building with help from Maura, Gabe takes a bathroom break and meets one of the patrons of the show.
Hey, aren't you here with that wimpy-ass emo kid who had to tell the whole place that a pussy band like New Found Glory covered Poison?!
Uh... I don't know what you're talking about, really.
Yeah right, I saw you hanging out with him all night. Next time you better tell your little friend to keep his fuckin' trap shut or else dumbass kids like you won't be allowed in this place no more!
Listen guy, I know my friend has a big mouth but you have no right to do that! This is an all ages club, we're allowed here when we want to be. I should go tell the owner you threatened us!
Kid, I AM the owner. This place is called Big Bart's Rock Joint... I'm Big Bart. Don't believe me, ask Rocko the door guy... he'll pound it into you.
Oh wow, look at that... suddenly my urge to pee in this bathroom has decreased, I think I'll go use the one in the diner across the street...

 

by onegirlarmy
9-09-06
Monday, At School...
You know Gabe, Pete's been trying to call you all weekend. You should talk to him and make up.
I understand you're trying to help Maura, but because of his stupidity, we can't go back to that club again.
Well, I did talk with him about it. But he's your best friend, just think about it okay? I gotta go to class, see you later.
Yeah, sure... see ya, Maura.
A few minutes after Maura leaves, a spectral figure appears next to Gabe...
Helloooo Gabe! I am your good side here to tell you how to solve the problem with your friend Pete!
Oh great, this is going to be one of THOSE cartoons!

 

by onegirlarmy
9-10-06
Really now, Gabe. Forgiveness is the basis of friendship. Pete may have done you a dis-service, but... hey, are you even LISTENING to me?
Honestly? Not really. If you're my good side, I'm waiting for the devil in me to show up and hear what he has to say, too.
*sigh* Good point. I think he may be detained a few minutes though, if the jerk shows up at all.
Oh, he has to show up. He HAS to. It just goes hand-in-hand with you.
After waiting for ten long minutes...
That took you long enough.
Sorry, kid. SOMEONE took my keys and left a note attached that said "He's MINE! GOOD WILL CONQUER!"

 

by onegirlarmy
9-10-06
The three go outside.
So, what's your reason for me to not be friends with Pete anymore?
Because! He's a wuss! He's vain, stupid, lame, oh hell, I could go on and on.
Pssh! Don't make me laugh! Like THAT'S a good enough reason for Gabe to not be friends with Pete anymore?
Eh... works for me.
*sigh*
Oh come on, horn-boy! I know you've got more in you than that! Hey, no pitchforks, that's cheating!!

 

by onegirlarmy
9-10-06
Where'd devil-guy go? He gave in that easily?
No, we've decided to settle this in a more civalized manner.
Come on, hornhead, get ready to eat my pawn!
I'm ready for you! I got the board all set up... we'll be here ALL night if we have to!
What the hell has my life come to?
If you even THINK about using mind control to move your pieces around, Horny...

 

by onegirlarmy
9-23-06
Gabe is unaware that Pete is out trying to resolve the situation.
just go apologize to the doorman, and everything will be fine. Just be cool...
Hey, I remember you! Didn't Big Bart tell you that you and your whiny friends weren't allowed back here?
Yes, yes, you did. But I thought maybe we could resolve the situation somehow. No hard feelings, okay big fella? Let's be pals!
You wanna be friends? Wow. I never knew! Hey, let's go out to dinner then. My treat, cutie pie!
Uh... that's not what I meant... ack, gotta go, I think I left the car running...

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