All comics by rickward

Profile

 

by rickward
2-22-01
Bongo...your time has come...
LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!
That's better.

 

by rickward
2-22-01
I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
The first rule of Fight Club is do not talk about Fight Club.
The second rule of Fight Club is...
Shut up.

 

by rickward
2-22-01
Hey Pixel Mama! Come on over and dance with me!

 

by rickward
2-22-01
Shake that thang.

 

by rickward
2-22-01
No rhythm.

 

by rickward
2-22-01
"Dear John..."
"This is a hard letter to write, but I can't take it anymore. I'm leaving you for good this time. Don't try to find me."
Oh, Mom.

 

by rickward
2-22-01
If consciousness is no more than the aggregate of physical neuron function in the brain, then how can humans have any sort of soul, or spirit?
My hand tastes funny.

 

by rickward
2-22-01
Hey, look-ee here! We got ourselves a real-deal cow-poke!
Why do they call y'all "cow-pokes," anyway? You been gettin' up to somethin' in the barn that we should maybe know about?
Maybe he'll go away.
I prefer slightly smaller critters m'self. WHOO-EE!

 

by rickward
2-22-01
I'm telling you, Tom Cruise is gay.
Is NOT.

 

by rickward
2-22-01
Is this on?

 

by rickward
2-22-01
One, two, one, two...
Yo, check out the horns, I'm the Prince of Flies, and I'm the one ya bow to when each one of you dies, I got red skin, pitchfork, cloven hoof too, and I'm-a here to make death hell for you.
Word.

 

by rickward
2-22-01
Hell yes! I am going out to L.A. Nothing can stop me now!
Good luck. The rent out there is astronomical.
Rent?
Yeah. You know, the money you have to get every month by working a job.
JOB?
I guess you can always find a nice culvert.

 

by rickward
2-22-01
Well, I suppose I can find a job somewhere...
Yeah. The labor market in the entertainment industry's not too bad right now.
Hell yeah! Studio exec, here I come!
Although with the pending strikes, you'll probably end up working the graveyard shift at Circle-K.
I am going to die.
Not if you duck fast and keep pressure on the wound.

 

by rickward
2-22-01
My servant!
Lord!
Go and bring your people forth from their bondage! I shall lead you to the land of milk and honey!
Yes Lord! I leave for my homeland now!
Heh heh...sucker.

 

by rickward
2-22-01
Kill your family.
Whoa...
Why the hell did Jennifer Aniston just tell me to kill my family??
I can't answer your question. Television is a one-way medium.
My bad.

 

by rickward
2-22-01
Hey, little girl. Hop on my back, and we'll have all kinds of adventures.
What the hell are you? Some kind of pink-skinned dog-cow-horse-freak hybrid? I'm outta here.
She is the wind beneath my wings.

 

by rickward
2-22-01
Hey there! My name is Brent. What's your name?
Get bent.
Don't let him see you cry.

 

by rickward
2-22-01
Oh wait! I already know his name!
It's something like "Kyle"...or maybe "Kevin."

 

by rickward
2-22-01
Oh hi, Kyle! I'm so glad you came back! Let's play hide-and-go-seek!
...Kevin?
I'm going to piss in your mouth now, OK?
Tell me your name first.

 

by rickward
2-23-01
Greetings, Master! I am here to...serve...
Ummm...
You can start by getting me down off this thing.

 

by rickward
2-25-01
Why do I have to mow the lawn? Jennifer doesn't have to mow the lawn. It's not fair!
Yeah, but when you're both grown up, she'll only make seventy-five cents for every dollar you make.
We'll talk about this later after you've calmed down, Mom.

 

by rickward
2-25-01
Damn, the old neighborhood's really gone to hell.

 

by rickward
2-25-01
I heard this neighborhood was tough, but man...

 

by rickward
2-25-01
OH MY GOD!
Greetings, mortal.
Welcome to an endless landscape of smoke and fury. Welcome...to HELL.
I'm glad I went for the six-month lease.
The security deposit is $5000 No pets.

 

by rickward
2-25-01
Remember, only YOU can prevent forest fires.
But anyone can start 'em!
I got my lighter right here.

 

by rickward
2-25-01
What would look good on the wall over there?
Hmmm...
There. Perfect!
Forgive him, Father...he knows not what he does.

 

by rickward
2-25-01
Hmmm...
No, I think I like you better on the other wall.
My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

 

by rickward
2-25-01
"Dear Rick..."
"..the last two comics you wrote were in exceedingly bad taste. However, I found them hilarious. Keep up the good work."
"...Sincerely, God."
That's all the fan mail this week, folks! Keep writing!

 

by rickward
2-26-01
So, you...come here often?
Let's snort coke off a credit card.
I was just about to suggest that.

 

by rickward
2-26-01
Go away...
Go away...
Sweet.

 

by rickward
2-26-01
I'm scared...
What if there's a mind-reading invisible boogeyman standing right in front of me getting ready to eat me?
Ummm...I'm really tough and chewy, and I taste like poop.
Damn

 

by rickward
2-26-01
AHHH-CHOO!
AAAAAAAH! I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE!
AAAAAAAAAH!
Damn allergies.

 

by rickward
2-27-01
So, how about we snort some coke off a credit card?
Nah, I'm not in the mood for coke right now. How about some K?
As long as we do it off a credit card.

 

by rickward
2-27-01
You know, I had a really great time tonight. Let me give you my number.
Yes! I knew that getting married would make me a chick magnet!
It's the way the light blings off my wedding band, isn't it, baby?

 

by rickward
2-27-01
Wow, this guy is sketchy.
Wow, this chick is hot.
Still, he's buying me drinks and giving me coke...better take advantage of it while it lasts.
Still, it's obvious she's just using me for alcohol and drugs. Better enjoy it while I can.
Another toot?
Why not.

 

by rickward
2-28-01
I went down to the computer lab during break and mailed the scoop about 100 Neos in Matrix 2.
But the Canadian bastards at Coming Attractions didn't believe me, so your email to Ain't It Cool News made it on the net first.
So this makes you my bitch, no?
*resigned sigh* I hope you at least brought vaseline.

 

by rickward
2-28-01
I like your shirt.
Wow, thanks! I'll see you later.
NOO! No, you damn fool! When a woman compliments you, you take the ball and run with it!
...What?
Relationships lead to sex! Don't you want sex?
You mean I could have been jiggy with Donna back in high school? NOOOOO! I AM SUCH A FOOL!

 

by rickward
2-28-01
...So, Rick, now do you understand the hidden meanings behind small compliments?
Yes. Thank you ever so much for enlightening me.
OK. Good. Let's try this again... I like your shirt.
Thanks. Well, I'll see you later.
OK, is that a blatant rejection, or are you just stupid?
I like cheese.

 

by rickward
2-28-01
So...just out of curiosity...what about me turns you off?
It's physical.
I knew it! You shallow bastard! I don't know why I ever wanted to get to know you in the first place!
Your eyes are all weird--they never look at the person with whom you are speaking.
I don't know whether to feel righteous or to see my doctor.
And I apparently can't open my mouth.

 

by rickward
2-28-01
ALLEN! What happened to you?
Allen?
Go away. Allen is dead.

 

by rickward
2-28-01
RICK!
James!
RICK!
James!
RICK!
James!

 

by rickward
2-28-01
'Sup?
Chillin.
I liked your comic.
Heh heh. Thanks :)
Well, I'm out.
Coo. Later

 

by rickward
2-28-01
As the North American internet industry continues to shake out, more and more smaller providers will be scooped up by the "Big Three" providers.
The need to hold onto customers will force the providers to differentiate; this will most likely by way of introducing new subscriber-specific protocols and services.
These services will operate only on their respective networks. In effect, this will create three closed networks with limited service peering, geographically dividing the region.
Y'r cute f'r a donkey.

 

by rickward
2-28-01
Nah, you're not my bitch. I'm just kidding.
I know.
So, what are you doing this weekend?
Nothing involving sushi bars or 80's music.

 

by rickward
2-28-01
I like your shirt.
Oh Christ, not this again. Get me out of here!
Whoa! You do exist! And You are omnipotent and benevolent!
So...come here often?
Goddammit.

 

by rickward
3-02-01
Do you remember the "Hatten ar din" thing Andy sent us?
Yeah. That thing was weird!
Yeah, but we only heard about it two days before "All your base" hit the scene.
So, if things had been different, "All your base" would still be just an obscure mistranslation!
Meanwhile, in a parallel dimension...
Hatt-baby
Not another "hatt-baby" strip!

 

by rickward
3-03-01
Heh heh! I will drink a gallon of milk and win $50 from Burdorff!
Oh look. Dan Hooper is going to drink a gallon of milk in an hour.
Uh oh. BLOOOOORGG!
My God. Dan is vomiting like a firehose. And I don't feel so good myself...
For a second, I thought about puking in the cup and drinking it again. That counts, right?
BLOOOOORGG!

 

by rickward
3-04-01
Let me know when you're done using the Final Cut Pro, OK?
Why? What is so god-damned important that you want to use the Final Cut Pro at 2 a.m.?
I've been inspired. Just give me a call when you leave, OK?
God, you're weird, Rick. But OK, I'll do it.
Rick? I'm done, you can come in now. Rick? Hello?
ZZZZZZZZZ

 

by rickward
3-04-01
YOU! You didn't even show up last night!
I was busy creating stuff on my computer. But thanks for calling.
What the hell are you trying to pull here? Why are you jerking me around like this, punk?
I'll tell you if you can drink a gallon of milk in an hour.
Forty-six minutes later...
BLOOOOORGGG!
All over my shoes, too. But it was worth it.

 

by rickward
3-04-01
Waiting for Matt to connect to the Internet...
Waiting for Matt to come to the station...
You bastard! Now you're making COMICS about jerking me around!
At last... satisfaction.

Showing page 1.

Next »