All comics by rizafein

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by rizafein
5-11-03
This is what happens when you work in a small town surrounded by morons.
How can I help ya?
Gimme 5 AMERICAN!
Is this guy friggen kidding?
And they think that just because I pump gas for a living, I must be stupid.
Geeze, and today we were only accepting YEN for payments.

 

by rizafein
5-11-03
Sometimes the ads tell the truth.
Fill er up.
Probably needs that big diesel to move his fat behind.
Sometimes, they lie.
I'll pay inside
WTF! His shirt says "Resort to Fitness Staff"
Holy crap! If that guy is staff at a fitness resort, then I guess their idea of fitness is 12 square meals a day, an all the fudge snacks you can eat between meals.

 

by rizafein
5-11-03
Why do they bother to look at the pumps?
I'll get four bucks of the cheap stuff.
Bear in mind, this guy was watching me, and the pump like a friggen hawk through this whole thing.
OK, thats four dollars.
You put four bucks worth in right?
Why in the hell did you even bother to look at the pump, if you can't read what it says?

 

by rizafein
5-11-03
OK thats twenty three dollars total.
Yes, I know. I looked at the pump. Do you think I am stupid or something? I know how to read.
OK, she read the pump. Then she shoud be good to go on anything else.
Just because I am blonde doesn't mean I am dumb ya know.
Geeeeee, and here she just made a big deal about being able to read a friggen pump.
By the way, how many gallons did you put in my car? I need to figure out my milage.

 

by rizafein
5-18-03
I guess they think I am a moron since I work at a gas station.
I'll... take... twelve... dollars... worth... of... regular... unleaded.
Look lady. Just because I work pumping gas doesn't make me an idiot. You can speak to me like I might possibly be an adult, instead of a little kid just learning how to understand the spoken word.
Okay... I... guess... you... may... be... right.
Friggen rednecks

 

by rizafein
5-18-03
Ahhh now I see why some people dislike smokers. Too bad I am one.
*puff* Gimme five dollars of regular. *puff*
OK.
I took my time hooking this guy up, so he had a chance to put his smoke out.
*puff*
OK, "sir" the pump is set, nozzle is in your car, and I am ready to pump your gas. However I cannot start pumping until you put your cigarette out.
Some people need to just fuck off.
Look punk, there is such a thing as lettign the customer finish their smoke before telling them to put it out. Patience is a virtue, and it is called common courtesy!
Look ASSHOLE! There is also somethign called common sense. You KNEW you were coming to fuel your car. Yet you still showed up with a freshly lit cigarette. Plus you have had about 3 minutes already.

 

by rizafein
5-19-03
The sad part of this one is that this actually DID happen today at work.
I need you to put gas in this can for me.
Sure thing. How much?
Oh yeah like I know what she considers too much. Oh and for those of you who assume all cans should be filled fully. Some people use gas in equipment that requires a specific gallon count for oil mix.
Well... I need enough to mow my lawn a couple times, but not too much.
O...K...
Bet you saw this coming didn't ya?
So how about you put it to this line on the can, and we can call it enough.
Next time just say fill it you moron. Your pointing at the top of the can.

 

by rizafein
5-19-03
Another one that happened for real.
Hello, how can I help you today?
Gimme half a tank of gas.
God people are so stupid at times.
Half a tank?
Yeah, you deaf or something?
You gotta admit I have a point.
Well lets see. First I don't know how friggen big your tank is. Second I don't know how full it is. Grow a brain and pick a number idiot.

 

by rizafein
5-24-03
This happened to me today.
Hey man, you really did a good job getting all the bugs off my windshield. You deserve a tip for that.
Thanks
This windshield was so caked with bugs I am surprised they could see the road at all. Of course then I cleaned it, and did it well I might add.
Needless to say, I did not get tipped, even though the customer sure made it seem I would be. Talk about pissing ya off.
Have a groovy day.
Hey dumbass, if you think I deserve a tip enough to tell me I do, then you SHOULD tip me.

 

by rizafein
5-29-03
Hey guy, my car is overheating and I cannot figure out why. Can you help me?
OK. I see you have an electric fan on your engine, and it's not running at all.
OK what can cause that?
Well your thermostat might be bad.
Some people just never think.
No it can't be that. I removed it three days ago, and a new one is on the way to me.
My GOD, you are an idiot. Without a thermostat installed your always going to overheat.

 

by rizafein
5-29-03
Ahh I see your done filling my tank. Thank you.
Yes ma'am, all done. Here is your credit reciept.
OK, great.
Have a good day.
OK, now at this point she has looked over her car, the pump, and read her reciept.
Ummm, how much did it come to anyway?
I am not going to say it. I am not going to say it. I AM NOT GOING TO SAY IT!

 

by rizafein
5-29-03
Do you accept checks?
Yes we do, local only however.
OK, great fill it up with regular.
Sure thing.
Wait a sec, you carry a checkbook, but NOT a pen?
Oh, and let me borrow a pen.
OK here is mine.

 

by rizafein
5-29-03
Hello, do you accept checks?
Yes we do, but only local ones.
Ahh very good. I wish to use a check. Fill it up.
OK, right away.
May I use your pen?
Since when did I become an office supply closet?

 

by rizafein
5-29-03
Hi, you take local checks right?
Yes ma'am we do.
OK, please fill the tank with regular.
OK, I will get right on that.
No where I work they do not provide us pens, we have to bring our own.
Oh, I almost forgot. Can you loan me a pen?
Doesn't anyone carry a pen WITH their checkbooks anymore? Since when do I have to spend my hard earned minimum wage to provide you MY pen?

 

by rizafein
5-29-03
Yes this did happen just like this. Call Ripley.
Hello my good man, do you accept checks in this establishment?
Yes we do, but we only accept local checks sir.
That will not be being a problem. Please be filling the tank with the gasoline.
OK sir.
After the tank is filled...
Here is the check for the gasoline.
OK, I do not know if you understand the word local. California is NOT local to a town in Oregon. Dumbass.

 

by rizafein
6-12-03
Oh gods here we go again.
Do you accept checks?
Yes, as long as they are local.
I stopped bringing a pen to work.
OK, let me borrow a pen then.
Sorry only pen I have is attached to the pump with a chain.
Only pen out at the pumps now is attached to them with a 2 foot chain. ;-)
Well this is the rudest thing I have ever seen at a gas station.
Then you should hang around and whine about pens more. I am sure I can show you a whole lot more rude things given the chance.

 

by rizafein
6-12-03
Hi which way to the restrooms?
Right over there ma'am.
Thanks.
No problem.
I knew this would happen one day, I just hoped I was wrong.
Umm which one is the ladies room?
Ummm, maybe the one that friggen says LADIES! How about a fill up on your brain, the air pump is right over here!

 

by rizafein
6-12-03
Belive it or not, this guy does this every day.
CAN YA HEAR ME NOW?!
Oh crap, not this idiot again.
I SAID... CAN YA HEAR ME NOW?!
No but I bet I could kill ya now if you don't shut the hell up.
So does that mean you can hear me now?
Look asshole, it was funny the first time you did it. Amusing the next two. But it's been annoying for months now.

 

by rizafein
6-12-03
Hi fill it up with plus.
OK sir. Will this be cash or credit?
Cash.
Alright, one fill up with plus.
Oh good, you sure got it filled fast. Heres my Visa® card.
Hey moron, didn't you just say cash? Or can't you tell the two apart?

 

by rizafein
6-13-03
OK, I had this happen today. OMG.
Hey dude, fill it up with regular, cash.
Alright. Ummmmm, you need to get a new gascap sir.
This guy had an oil soaked rag stuffed into his filler as a gas cap.
Why would I need to do that?
Well this is a major fire hazard, and also very illegal. You need an actual cap on here.
Well thats stupid.
OK you get in, I will fill it up, and then as you leave I will light that rag on fire. Then you see if it is a stupid rule or not.

 

by rizafein
11-11-03
Well here is how my day went.
Well I hate to do this but we have to lay you off.
What?
Well our business has slowed down and we have to let you go.
Wait a second are Mike and Randy staying on?
Yes it is all true. This ends my strip for a while. I will restart it once I get a new job and have new stupidity to report.
Well yes they are.
OK, so the two guys who are new hires, and barely can tell a diesel pump from their ass your keeping. Yet the guy who has fixed furniture for YOUR kids, and has yet to screw up here, your firing?

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