All comics by silver2540

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by silver2540
4-08-05
Hey Max! Whatcha doing?
My name is Mark. And I'm fixing a floorboard. How did you get in my house?
Over the course of 2 hours...
Mike, Mike. Gotcha. Well yesterday at work you left early before I got a chance to tell you I was going to throw a party honoring the one-week anniversary of last Tuesday and I wanted to invite you---
...oh thats right. Phil in accounting warned me about you. Excuse me for a moment.
...Are you all right?
Much better, actually.

 

by silver2540
4-08-05
Give me your money.
Look at me. I am wearing no signs of visible pants. Where am I keeping the money you ask for?
Isn't that illegal? How have you avoided being arrested?
...thats an interesting question. I got pulled over last week, so either the cop was blind or didnt care. Then again, how often does one see a stick figure with few identifiable parts? One must---

 

by silver2540
4-08-05
Eat your children.
...I don't have kids.
...then eat your neighbor's kids.
This is stupid. Theres no sense or reason behind harming a child.
Does it make sense that a sheep can tell you to hurt people?
Good point.

 

by silver2540
4-12-05
On a walk through the park...
Holy crap!!! You look just like me!
Satanic urine!!! You're my exact opposite!
I see whats going on here. It was on Seinfeld last night. How do you feel about Martha Stewart?
I feel wonderful about her. Her inspirational teachings of the hearth and home bring joy to my heart. This is why my people were forced to initiate measures to destroy her.
I think we'll get along just fine.
Also, my intestines are external. Let me know if I get a leak.

 

by silver2540
4-12-05
Oh no...it looks like Grandma Pooky passed away.
Grandma Pooky?
Yeah. The one we crammed into a nursing home as soon as she became an inconvenience, and never write or visit.
....
I'LL MISS HER SO MUCH!!!
Hefty inheritance, huh?

 

by silver2540
4-13-05
Oh sweet Jesus in heaven! Not today!
Hark, weary traveller! Be you in need of the mystical powers of Axelxcig, the ranger of Lothginigan woods?
Gary, you're 35. Maybe you should drop the Lord of the Rings fanaticism. You're too old to be out in the woods with other fanatics fighting wars that never really happened.
...?
Get thyself a job.
OH!

 

by silver2540
4-13-05
I just told off that poor Lord of the Rings fan.
Which one? The one with the cats, or the one that actually dresses like the character?
The one with the costume.
The one that lost his wife in a fire only a week ago, the one that uses Lord of the Rings as a way to escape the pain of reality?
...should I send flowers?
Nah, I told him I'd pee on your pillow. Sweet dreams.

 

by silver2540
4-13-05
yo starfire2240, asl?
21/female/Milwaukee hott, looking for man to lite fire
2 hours later, after the sodomy....
Hello Mitch.
Don't talk to me you retarded fuckbait!
What a dick. By the way, it helps not to give yourself away if you wouldn't insist on me yelling "Mitch Garrett is your daddy!!!"
THAT WASN'T ME! IT WAS MY LITTLE SISTER! MY GRANDMA! THAT BLIND GIRL DOWN THE STREET! YOU TELL ANYONE AND I'LL SUE!!!!

 

by silver2540
4-13-05
Mr. Bush, why are your policies so strongly in support of war and violence?
Well theres a perfectly logicimal reason for that, son. But wouldnt you rather see some of my old CAMPAIGN COMMERCIALS? HIT IT MR. CHENEY!
You know folks, I'm just like you. The only difference is that my annual income is about 40 times what you'll make in your lives, and I cannot pronounce most 2-syllable words correctly.
Si. El President Bush muy excellente!
Yeah, I pride myself on my intelligencable grasp of the Engrish and Mexican languages. Muchos gracias, little Anna! Wherever the hell you foreigners come from!
It doesnt bother me that he got elected, just that he got re-elected.

 

by silver2540
4-14-05
What are you doing?
I'm contemplating the plight of our rainforests. If we don't do something soon, the whole world will suffer the consequences.
You could make a better attempt at disguising yourself when you're picking your nose.
Damn it.

 

by silver2540
4-14-05
I have a question for you.
Shoot.
How is it that many popular buffet-style restraurants get away with selling thousands of tons of food that is much worse than hospital, army, or prison food?
Because the target market is morbidly obese, penny pinching Americans.
Old Country Buffet
How is it that places like Red Lobster get away with selling a corn biscuit for 25 cents?

 

by silver2540
4-15-05
So Brian, hows that Galobenzine medication working out?
Pretty well, actually. Completely got rid of my headaches.
Thats good to hear.
Absolutely. The only side effect is some bouts of explosive diarrhe and anal leakage.
Get out of the pool, Brian.

 

by silver2540
4-16-05
Hangover?
Yeah.
Wild night, wasn't it?
I didn't know anyone could ingest that much Tide and marshmallow chicks.
Quiet down, please.

 

by silver2540
4-16-05
No, you're missing my point. Newton's law of gravity states that any object moving on or with another object is considered to be going at that speed.
True, but the equilibrium may be balanced if the said object is slowing down the vessel on which...oh, hold on.
Meow.
Now if you violate Newton's 3rd law of gravity via slowing down a vessel as you've been saying...
Then the law is technically void. I believe we should be sending this information to NASA, allow them to get up to speed.

 

by silver2540
4-16-05
Only one dynamic duo can get us out of this mess...Higgins, get me the Olsen twins.

 

by silver2540
4-16-05
Bush sure has a funny way of making us happy about the occupation.

 

by silver2540
4-18-05
I'm willing to bet you 50 dollars that you can't get that monk over there to hit you.
Pfft. Watch and learn the majestic art of being an asshole, son.
Excuse me, sir. Yes, you. The one who worships that incredibly fat midget addicted to anti-depressants.
!
Well, you sure shut me up.
Technically, you owe me $2500 if you count each individual smack with that cinder block.

 

by silver2540
4-18-05
Theres a penny on the ground! Man, will I look stupid if I pick it up...
No, I can't pick it up...that hot chick is walking by...oh man, its heads up! Thats lucky No, no. I can't look like a beggar. Don't want to draw attention to myself...
Hey! A penny!
BACK OFF YOU SON OF A BITCH! ITS MINE!

 

by silver2540
4-23-05
Our electric bill is through the roof!
It might be because of that nuclear toaster oven you bought.
That was entirely necessary. It allows for my toast to have a healthy green glow.
Or that 300-foot tall neon sign that says "UFOs-land here!"
When the mutant robot cowboys come, you'll thank me.
What about that $12,000 blow-up doll of Alex Trebek? ...on second thought, don't explain that.

 

by silver2540
4-23-05
Remember me?
We just spoke like 7 strips ago.
Right. Well then. I'll offer you $10 if you perform an act of unspeakable evil. Use your imagination.
Thats stupid! Don't try to tempt me! On the other hand...
Oh god...I'm a horrible person...I sold my soul for $10...
Hey! Who left the toilet seat up?!

 

by silver2540
4-26-05
Well? Did you do anything?
Yes...I went to the bathroom and didnt put down the lid at someone's house...
Idiot...go back, try again.
...I'll try.
I'm such a pawn...
OH IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS SACRED! WHO DROPPED THE KIDS OFF AT THE POOL AND DIDN'T FLUSH?!

 

by silver2540
4-28-05
Dog! Commit an evil deed against the one you call "Mark."
Do what? Why?
I'll give you a tablet that makes your butt taste like cotton candy.
Why is my pillow wet again?

 

by silver2540
7-18-05
I am Shovelman. I defend the weak, the helpless. With my righteous shovel of Al's Hardware, I shall smite the evildoers of 424 Griffin st!
And I am Pink Cow. Moo.
Are you where strawberry milk comes from?
Thats racist, man.

 

by silver2540
7-18-05
Egad! Its Homosexuman!
Earl, please. I just want to get my mailbox.
You've learned my secret identity...but how?
Its on your mailbox, and you were outon your yard shouting "I am Earl! Hear me roar!" at 3 in the morning today.
Did the mailbox tell you my only weakness is mild anal discharges?
Dammit Earl! My pool!

 

by silver2540
7-18-05
Holy mother of shinkypoodle! Its Satanicat!
?
HOW DARE YOU BEFOUL MY NEIGHBORHOOD! EAT SHOVEL!
!
Not so long after...
You'll thank me when he doesn't take over the world!!!!

 

by silver2540
7-18-05
Thats right. We're back.
Why did we leave?
The asshole that creates us got bored and left for a long time.
Uh...Mark, maybe you shouldn't call him an asshole.
Next time, it won't be in your forehead.
AIYEEE!

 

by silver2540
10-14-05
Why did you help me across the street?
Just being a good samaritan, ma'am.
Pussy.

 

by silver2540
2-24-06
Fox News: As Always, Fair and Balanced.
Shut up! You don't love America!
No, I just want to know why Bush insists that wiretapping is necessary, while offering no evidence defending the fact that it violates the constitution.
HOW DARE YOU INSULT THOSE BRAVE SOULS IN IRAQ!

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