All comics by socket41

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by socket41
10-31-02
I can't understand why everyone is so fascinated by this whole Winona Ryder shoplifting trial...
Huh? Did you say something?
I was asking why people are so engrossed in this whole Winona Ryder trial. It's pretty depressing. Don't people have anything better to do with their lives?
Oh, I'm sorry, I was thinking about tonight's epsiode of "Friends", and how Baby Emma is going to affect Rachel's life. I mean, is Rachel going to be with Ross or not?
I don't really know how to react to that.
What can I say? I'm a patron of the arts.

 

by socket41
10-31-02
Apparently I'm pre-approved to lose weight while working from home and enlarging my penis.
I see.
...my "important letter" goes on to say that details are forthcoming, if I just send them my credit card number.
You forget your credit card was taken after the horrible QVC Porcelain Clown Incident of 2001.
Well, shit. Back to plan B, then.
Yep. At least if plan B means "Cheetos and porn", pencil dick.

 

by socket41
10-31-02
You know, I totally forgot yesterday was Halloween.
How could you not notice, with all of the decorations in the stores, and all that?
Well, I thought maybe Goth was getting big again.
Not likely, but I guess your forgetting the holiday didn't hurt anything.
Hmm, I guess in retrospect screaming "MOOCHERS" and chasing all the kids off my lawn with a firehose was a bit much.
Yeah, well, I did that too, and I remembered the holiday.

 

by socket41
10-31-02
The X-Box Live online gaming service is coming out in a few weeks.
Oh, really?
Yeah, and it comes with a headset and microphone, so you can talk to people you're playing against.
Nothing better than getting your ass beaten by a twelve-year old, and having him tell you about it.
Well, I could make fun of him for not having his own money, and not having a sex life.
You're supposed to make fun of HIM, not yourself, jackass.

 

by socket41
10-31-02
So, what did you do last night?
I was watching a fascinating show on a white whale on the Discovery Channel.
That sounds interesting.
The whale tried on a few pink dresses, went shopping on Rodeo Drive, and then drank herself unconscious.
That wasn't the Discovery Channel. That was the Anna Nicole Smith show.
I didn't think they showed "Girls Gone Wild" commercials on Discovery Channel. Damn.

 

by socket41
11-01-02
Want to hear something odd?
Of course.
Apparently people from all different countries are e-mailing Saddam Hussein with advice on how to beat America in a war.
Really? That's pretty shitty.
Well, that begs the question - suppose being a dictator gets your a decent spam filter? Does his family send him stupid chain e-mails?
Maybe if he falls for enough penis enlargement ads, we can drain their economy.

 

by socket41
11-01-02
It's apparently almost time for another election. Are you going to vote?
Of course, it's every American's patriotic duty to vote.
Who are you going to vote for?
George Clooney.
What?
Or maybe Brad Pitt. Who do you think should be People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive 2002"? We're talking major ramifications here.

 

by socket41
11-15-02
It's draft day for the League of Champions! Thank God!
The League of Champions? What is that?
It's a fantasy baseball league. We draft players that played in the major leagues in 2002, and re-simulate the season using a computer program.
Oh, I see.
I'm giddy like a schoolgirl.
Dork.

 

by socket41
7-10-03
Hmm. This letter says that I've been laid off.
Really? But you don't have a job.
Technically, no.
Who is the letter from?
Your mom. Apparently, she doesn't need any more visits from the Love Train.
Don't make me slap you, because I just might like it.

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