All comics by sparticus983

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by sparticus983
9-08-02
I have an idea!
Oh yeah?
As you can see, I have this thing on my head. And thus far have not been able to figure out what I should do with it...
So, you've found a women?
Well, I was going to propose that I stick it in each of your eyes till you have a normal number...but upon further considering, have decided that you may be on to something.
You're making my sockets wet.

 

by sparticus983
9-08-02
Hey Deuce! I have a favor to ask you.
What is it buddy?
You seem to have a pretty big mouth...do you think we could file those teeth down a bit?
What in the hell for?
Let's just say I have an...idea...
Well then...sure...but it had better be fun!

 

by sparticus983
9-08-02
Hooray! I finally have her! My one of a kind Britney Spears does anything you want her to doll!!!!
Look at her punch!
Door Closes...
Look at her panties! I mean kick!

 

by sparticus983
9-08-02
Billy-Bob the Bird wanders through the jungle outside a scientific research complex
What in the fuck am I? Where in the hell do things like me come from? What the fuck in this purplish/mauve thing on my deformed bill?
Billy-Bob: Still wandering
And look at this shade of blue! And why are my eyes so fucking big? Is God blind!? Or is this how he gets off after years, alone, as the supreme ruler of a bunch of idiotic mtv whores?
Can I help you little birdie?
No, I think you've answered all my questions. *whispers* "you pap smear..."

 

by sparticus983
9-08-02
I have to pee!
You're a silly fat ol' clown!
I don't think I can hold it much longer!
Tee hee hee
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Mr. fat ol' silly clown...why are your pants changing colors?

 

by sparticus983
9-08-02
I am a cowboy!
No! I am a cowboy!
There can only be one cowboy in these here frames! Let's have a duel!
Ok! But there is no cowboy with gun option!
Then I will just have to use my yogi powers to cause you to spontaneously combust!
Cheater!

 

by sparticus983
9-08-02
All hail revrend DoGooder!
All hail the one divine leader!
All hail our perfect savour!
May revrend DoGooder always bring fire and brimstone down upon our worthless souls!
You've got those little robot people following you like sheep.
Yes Pink Donkey, my plan is working out perfectly...

 

by sparticus983
9-08-02
You're kinda ugly.
You're kinda, a chicken.
Yeah, well I can taste like anything.
Well, I can make presents for all the good little girls and boys.
Well, even bad little girls and boys can eat me.
Well, when Mrs. Clause is feeling naughty she lets me eat her.

 

by sparticus983
9-08-02
Hello over there! Are you a female pink donkey!? I thought there were none left!!
I am indeed a female pink donkey! We can do the wild pink donkey dance and save our species with carefully controlled incest!
I am asian, we don't believe in having children around here.

 

by sparticus983
9-08-02
There, sit just like that! I want to capture the essence that is "penis for head"
Are you making fun of me?
I am an artist! I do not make fun of my subjects!
Oh, then what do you do with them?
I rape them with my canvas.

 

by sparticus983
9-08-02
If I ever see you messing around with that dishwasher again I'll chop em off!
Good thing I hid the tin-snips...
I just handed your wife the arc-wielder I had borrwed last week to fix the dryer with all the special "adaptions" you requested. She seemed a bit upset about the self lubricating spin cycle though...

 

by sparticus983
9-08-02
I am a genius!
Oh yeah? Says who?
Mommy said so! And Daddy says Mommy knows best!
Oh...Did Mommy say you were anything else?
All the while, Bush looks down from his office, scribbling fiercly in doodles the picture of the girl who will make a fine new intern as soon as she graduates from the short bus...
She said I was special, but that's obvious!
That's great! My Mommy says the short bus has air conditioning!

 

by sparticus983
9-08-02
So since I am a genius, that means I am in charge and get to boss you around.
Oh yeah? Is that what genii do?
What's a genii?
It is a word that rhymes with what your mother has an envy for.
Bush adds in a side scribble reminding himself to remember to give future interns parents the "once over" in the oval office...
Oh yeah? She has an envy for Apple Pie?
Yeah, she wants firm control over that Apple Pie so she can boss it around all night long.

 

by sparticus983
9-08-02
I don't look very asian...
It's a good thing I am the magical clown with super mystical powers!
I used to be a boy!
You were? Oh shit, coulda' fooled me! Well, here it goes again!
Dammit, not another fucking Frosty.

 

by sparticus983
9-09-02
And today is sponsored by the letter C. Yay.
Hmm, the letter C. Doesn't the word catatonic start with the letter C?
Yes, Catatonic does start with the letter C. Yay.
Oh no! You know what that means don't you!?
It is an abnormal condition variously characterized by stupor, stereotypy, mania, and either rigidity or extreme flexibility of the limbs! It is most often associated with schizophrenia!
It means that after I win the annual dork in a garbage can downhill race for the 10th consecuative year, I will lash out killing all my oppressors...and then you cause I hate your gimpy hand.

 

by sparticus983
9-09-02
Do not be frightened little fishy! I do not plan on eating you!
Oh yeah? Why should I believe that?
Because I have made a moral decision to embrace the buddhist ways. And to show my dedication I am going to fast for the rest of the week.
Oh yeah? That's cool. I don't have a very good sense of time though. When does the week end?
About 2 seconds from now.
Oh.

 

by sparticus983
9-09-02
Hello Mr. Goat. What is that on your face?
This? This is my ultra super sonic clit tickler!
You know, those kind of products are great, but nothing will ever beat my big giant elephant cock.
This isn't the main show baby. This is just a little somethin' somethin' to get warmed up with.
Oh. But I thought you liked ramming butts.
Shut up.

 

by sparticus983
9-09-02
Clouds are so psychological. Look at them, those little fluffly layers of metaphores just waiting for young lovers to lay on their backs and make them into phallic shapes.
We like being phallic shapes.
But look at me. I am flying in these clouds. I am flying in a mystical phallical land dreamed by those on the ground. Those unfortunate ones who cannot actually straddle their dreams.
Mount me please.
But how I got to be in this palace of erected coloums of clouds is a long story, which begins with me on a hill by myself.
You aren't alone anymore, little bear

 

by sparticus983
9-10-02
Ahh, what a nice evening to sit back and watch the smoke clouds loom over the city.
We're smog, and we're so dense that we're having trouble getting airborn.
The smog takes on a form which arouses little bear a little too much.
Oh baby, that low rolling pile of smog has dumps like truck, whack, whack.
Quit wacking off to us you wanker. All the people in the city can see you.
Fine, I will go somewhere where the clouds appreciate my longings and don't speak with such a foul air!
I hope you zip your wang up on the way out, tosser.

 

by sparticus983
9-10-02
Who wants to look at damn tall buildings anyway. I can relax and play with myself more peacefully here.
Please please let him lay on another patch of grass. Please God!
This patch of grass here looks wonderful. I think this will make the perfect cloud watching spot!
I hate you God
Ohhhh that's the stuff. Oh yeah, form like that clouds. Ohh, you know I like it when you flash your cumulonimbii.
What in the fuck are you doing son! You put that thing away right now and get your ass out of here! I'd give you a ticket, but I ain't touching those hands!

 

by sparticus983
9-10-02
Damn, those fat cops don't understand the needs of real people. All they can think of are those damn donuts.
Why do you think they are so fond of donuts anyway little bear? Couldn't be the hole in the middle could it?
What? Who? Who is that talking?
This is the water speaking to you. And we know of your perverted little ways. We know you'd love to get off to those little whispy clouds on the horizon.
Oh at last! Someone...thing...that understands!
Understand this you little prick. You even think about whipping out your twiddly wink and we'll drown your ass on the spot. Don't even think about making a "wet" joke.

 

by sparticus983
9-10-02
Dammit. I guess the security of my own bedroom is the only place a little bear can masturbate in peace.
At leat he turned out the lights this time...
Little bear is fondling fluffy clouds in his head when he gets a little too into it and accidently falls off the bed.
Ohhhhhhh. Ohhhhhh yeah. Pillars upon pillars of white fluffly pleasu.......
Mother horse flicks on the light.
What in the hell is going on here! Why aren't you wearing any pants? You weren't jerking it again were you little bear!?
Um, no, of course not mom...

 

by sparticus983
9-11-02
Tee hee hee...
Oh shit.

 

by sparticus983
9-14-02
Frank the bunny wakes Donnie from his sleep and saves his life.
Hello Frank...
Now do you belive in time travel?
I guess so, but that still doesn't explain why you're dressed like a fag.
You know, you're going to shoot my eye out in a later scene, do you really have to make fun of me now?
Frank the bunny wakes Donnie from his sleep and saves his life.
So where were you for the rest of the movie? Jim Cunninghams kiddie porn dungeon?
I think you are way left on the Fear/Love scale.

 

by sparticus983
9-17-02
Whoever set us as default has a creepy sense of humor.
Fo shizle

 

by sparticus983
9-17-02
Peek-a-boo!!!
I'm not a baby!
You will always be my baby!
I'm not even your child, you're a robot!
Then...well...at least take that bib off your head!
I can see how that could be misleading...

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