All comics by speedboat_lou

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by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
*Robots have wasted time on senseless Hoo-Ha!*
~That's right, Earth Potatoes! We don't have to make SENSE anymore!~
*But then we didn't do a backup and are now left on this hostile planet without a mission.*
~Oops! Robots have chucked the cheese!~
*Nonetheless, we can host parties as if we were made of ham! We can shake our donuts!!!
~I'm about to do my OLD job until I fall apart!~

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
Nothing is as it seems in today's world. You have to look behind the false media to see what is really happening!
PUT YO' WEIGHT ON IT!!!
You can't tell ME what to do!
Even in the CAVES, it isn't what you think it is!
I GOT TA KNO-HO-HO WHAT IT'S LI-HI-HI-KE TO BE AN AY-EE-AYNGELLL....
(YES YOU DOO - HOO - HOO!)
Even in your HOUSE!!!
WHOOO-GAS!!!!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
Ginger is not talking about you... she knows about you and she does not need to say it out loud.
Ginger does not know a god damned thing.
She was looking at you when you were at my house. Cats have special memories, you know. Their eyes can hold lots of information.
Cats are not a problem for me.
Ginger is not a cat. You are. I was talking about you, when you were at my house.
WHAAAAAAA!!!!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
That ostrich is spoiling my Christmas Day. I wonder if I had better go inside.
SHAKE IT DON'T BREAK IT BAY-BEE!!!
*sigh* I can remember Christmas when it filled me with wonder. The exquisite waiting for morning to come...Oh, how I wish the clocks would advance.
"I suppose it's time itself that's to blame, really... Who can say? Funny how things go. I'd help myself to some festive spirits, but I've never been much for drink. Still..."

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
AAAGH!!!
According to current reflective data, B0XB9 has been able to observe and chart the cumulative, robot-oriented effects of hitherto uncalculated hardship and woe.
You must help me escape.

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
YOU MUST PURCHASE THESE ITEMS AT THE SUPERMARKET (FAILURE TO DO SO WILL RESULT IN DISCIPLINARY ACTION): *MILK* *CHEESE* *BAG OF CARROTS* *MARGERINE* *FROZEN CHICKEN DINNERS* *LIGHT BULBS* *BREAD*....
I've got it easy! *whew* But what about the NEXT person?
YOU MUST CEASE ALL CLOWN-RELATED ACTIVITY. STAY AWAY FROM THEME PARKS AND OUTDOOR AMUSEMENT AREAS. YOU MUST SEEK EMPLOYMENT AS A COOK. FAILURE TO DO SO WILL RESULT IN TERMINATION OF LIVING ALLOWANCE.
*GULP!* I guess I could do that - I'd better hurry up and learn to cook! I feel sorry for the NEXT person in line!
"But Ashlyn - you and I were meant for each other. Don't you see?" "Brad, you know I can't forgive you after what happened with Caitlyn. You lied to me!" "What Brendan told you wasn't true..."

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
You did know this was the moon, didn't you? The laws still apply - you can't just go zoomin' around any ol' way you like.
'snice, daddy-o! C-ya!
Hold on a sec - hey!
VA-ROOOMMM!!!
Shee! I didn't even get his name!
Little zoomer took my arm off - seen it?

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
BRR-RRING!!! BRR-RRRING!!!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
scratch scratch

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
EEEEEE!!!!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
ooops!!!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
Jesus crikey! They don't give you much time in those bathrooms. Now I've lost my place. I wonder how I'm going to find where I was sitting?
EEE!!!!
I think it was towards the back... maybe over there on the right.
Hasta Manana! That was a speedy landing. Now I wonder where the luggage carousel will be located?
CHIPS!!!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
Heavens! Now I'm going to have to go the other way around.
I've never liked going down this passage...
...it's too dark.
I might as well admit it: I'm not that sure where I am.

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
Hello! Someone's left their Jack-o-lantern here.
Hooray! Finally - someone to SING to!
I suppose I should turn it over to the authorities.
What should it be? "Carmen"? "La Traviata"?
RITORNA VINCITOR! E DAL MIO LABBRO... USCI L'EMPIA PAROLA! VINCITOR DEL PADRE MIO...
I hope you know that this is all your fault.

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
GRIMGERDE!! GERHILDE!! GOENNT MIR EU'R ROSS! SCHWERTLEITE! SIEGRUNE! SEHT MEINE ANGST!!!
Very understanding boys, letting me out like that... still it's a shame. I haven't slept in two days. I suppose if I had been more fond of Wagner... but then...
Much later...
Here we are. Lovely spot for a picnic. I don't mind sitting in the water. Heavens!
Excuse me, madame.
I really should be on my way...
It's not bad, you know, once you're in.

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
I think he's following me... what should I do? It's getting dark - I'll just meander around and I'm sure he'll give up eventually.
Much later...
There - lost him! I haven't been able to smell him for at least an hour.
Now where was I?
Oh, yes. The picnic.

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
I've got to see if I can get back home. If I recall, I went 833 steps this way...
... and then another 193 this way, like so...
I don't remember it being so muddy here. It couldn't have rained, surely!
Now if I just head a little further up this way... hmm... that's not it... blub blub blub...
*sigh*
Good Morning!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-10-03
Arrrgh!! Where ya going?
Into the...
...future, to bite your ass!
Not so fast - I'm going to...
Change into you - so now I get to bite YOUR ass instead! No - wait! How does this work?
I hope it works where you end up biting your OWN ass, but you got me all messed up now, and I don't know.

 

by speedboat_lou
7-11-03
I've got to see if I can get back home. If I recall, I went 833 steps this way...
...and then another 193 this way, like so...
I don't remember it being so muddy here. It couldn't have rained, surely!
Now if I just head a little further along this way... hmm... that's not it... blub blub blub...
...blub blub blub...

 

by speedboat_lou
7-11-03
Well, stinky, I'm gonna go get me a banana. Good luck on that comic!
Crap! I just wanna save my first panel!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-11-03
Here's a friendly-looking fellow. I wish I could ask for help, but I'm running out of air.
You won't last long down here - if it isn't the water in your lungs, it'll be the cold. Climb into my stomach and we'll see if we can't get you to an island or something.
*sputter* That was a tight fit. At least I can breathe in here for a while.
I'd better find a seat - we're beginning to move. I wonder how long it will take us to find an island?
Pft! I stopped wondering that twelve years ago.

 

by speedboat_lou
7-12-03
Sugar - ba ba BA ba BA BA...
Oh, Honey, Honey - ba ba BA ba BA BA...
You are my candy GIIIIIIRL...
...and I ...uh..
Keep doing it - that was pretty good.

 

by speedboat_lou
7-12-03
*gasp* How did you manage to lug a head like that all the way down here?
Pft! The head was NOTHING! Let me tell you...
...say, that purse of yours isn't one of those old rayon ones, is it?
Yes - I've had it for ages. You're not allergic, are you?
A-CHOO!!
Heavens! I couldn't wear half my...

 

by speedboat_lou
7-13-03
*splutter* I can't thank you enough for fishing me out of there. I've never eaten so much kelp in my life.
Don't mention it! You should see what usually comes up in those nets. Say, you weren't looking to go anywhere in particular, were you?
Here's why I ask: in the Spring of 1823, after boarding this vessel in a sack of flour, I overheard the captain say something to the mess cook that changed my - hm?
Sorry - I'm listening. I hope you don’t mind if I just nip inside for a glass of fresh water.
Mind? Why, I'd come in and join you if there were any left. Sadly, there's a bit of "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" going around these days! (ho! ho!)
You don't say.

 

by speedboat_lou
7-14-03
BZZZT!
BZZZT!
*click*
BZZZT!
God damn it - what do you want now?

 

by speedboat_lou
7-14-03
*chime* "You have 12 new messages"
ngh! nnnngh!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-14-03

 

by speedboat_lou
7-14-03
Tonight we're gonna rock it - all the way to the moon!
Yes, you know we're going to rock it! We're gonna be there soon!
We're never gonna stop it - we're gonna rock all night!
Uh-huh - the keys are in his pocket! That's what he said last night!
Later...
T. N. T. ...
Oi! Oi! Oi!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-14-03
Come italicize i vostri comics?
Mamma Mia!
Ché domanda dispari!
Non ho sentito parlare mai prima un tal problema!
Osservano perfettamente l'indennità il senso che sono!
Vi dico che il ragazzo sia pazzesco.

 

by speedboat_lou
7-15-03
Tonight we're gonna rock it - we'll rock it to the moon!
Yes, you know we're going to rock it! We're gonna be there soon!
We're never gonna stop it - we're gonna rock all night!
Uh-huh - the key is in his pocket! That's what he said last night!
Later...
T. N. T. ...
Oi! Oi! Oi!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-15-03
Hey - what say we get down and show these folks what a couple of old jitterbugs can do?
I don't see why not... lead the way, muchacho!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-15-03
I know you'd tell me if there was something wrong...
That's right. I would tell you, and what did I say?
But it doesn't feel right. You know when it just doesn't feel right?
It LOOKS right, so just stop it already.
He took too much off the back, didn't he?
Jesus, will you just take some of mine?

 

by speedboat_lou
7-15-03
I AM USLESS SHIT
OH PLEASE NO DADDY NOT THE ASS AGAIN I AM TO YOUNG FOR THAT
HAH FAG
nOW you wILL DIE Hahahahahaha
200 comics! I got the juice tonight, baby!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-15-03
Sully? You're gonna fall offa there! Hey, Sully - you shouldn't oughta be sittin' up on the edge like that. You could hurt yourself! How many times I gotta tell you? Sully!
I can't even look you in the eyes no more, Sully! I get all wobbly every night thinkin' about you up there like a crazy fool. You wanna go to the hospital, Sully? Fine by me.
I just wanna say - real friends don't do this to each other, Sully! They don't do this to each other.

 

by speedboat_lou
7-16-03
Come on... back up, there, pal... just a little closer, and your wallet is mine...
BRAWK!
Shit - now he's on to me!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-17-03
Thirth! Come quick - the rotor turbineth!!
She can't mean - ?
You shut them down last night... I was there!
Great Scott! We haven't got a moment to lose!
Activate the stabilizers, Alicia! We'll be right there!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-17-03
What a cruel fate that I, who have learned to give life to lines of cold graphite, cannot draw worth a damn. He was once my favourite horse - now look at him! He haunts my laboratory day and night!
But I must be quiet, or he'll find me. He is my guilty conscience, Simon. You think he does not know my secrets? But there is still that one last chamber... look at him. Watch him enter it...
Yes...yes... it's dark back there, isn't it? Now he sees what I've become! Have pity on my trembling hands, Simon... I only wanted to remember him forever! Forgive me, Snuffles!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-17-03
I've prepared the re-entry chamber upstairs for you, Doctor Cambiari.
Thank you, Philip. I'll step into the matter transmitter while you put away those groceries. I'll meet you up in the kitchen in a moment. We'll have salad to celebrate!
Philip and I had been working on this for months, and it was finally ready for the ultimate test - an actual human teleportation! I locked the door behind me, and steadied my hands at the controls.
I cannot relate the horror of what happened when the transmitter started the molecular relay process...
What's happening to my hands? Good God! Philip must have dropped the cauliflower in the re-entry chamber!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-18-03
Thruthterth at thtathion-keeping and phatherth are ready, Mithter Thcott.
Aye, Mithter - I mean Mister Sulu. Shall we proceed, Captain?

 

by speedboat_lou
7-18-03
*sigh* I'm sorry - we're all out of the stationery with those little Asian girls on it.
Ummm... well, could you check in the back one last time?
Yes - maybe it's underneath something.

 

by speedboat_lou
7-18-03
Hey, asshole. This is a private party. Who let you in here? Take that fucking hood off and look at me, douchebag!
AAAIIIEEEEEE!! Sweet Jesus! I'm only a little boy! A frail, remorseful little boy!
"And the flames of the tripods expired. And Darkness and Decay and the Red Death held illimitable dominion over all." (Edgar Allan Poe)
Hee hee! Look at myself back there while I was alive, pissing myself like a moron!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-18-03
Hey, man. Check out that turnstile over there. I bet the devil my head that I can jump right over it!
Aw, geez, Toby - you don't gotta prove anything to me, man. You been drinkin' pretty hard.
But it was too late. Toby had made up his mind.
You asshole! Look out for that iron...
*THWACK!*
...bar!

 

by speedboat_lou
7-19-03
My Mama used to say "Life is like a box of chocolates..."
"You never know what you're gonna get."
Well, you get chocolates. What was she expecting - light bulbs?

 

by speedboat_lou
7-19-03
Delivery for Mrs. Gump. It's a box of chocolates.
Why, thank you very much - I adore chocolates. Just leave it right there, and have yourself a nice day.
Later...
Well, Forrest - what do you say we open up that there box of chocolates?
I have no idea what might be inside.

 

by speedboat_lou
7-19-03
My father used to say "Life is like a box of chocolates. Also in the box is a small amount of radioactive material. Attached to the material, via a geiger counter, is a device."
"Say, within an hour, that there is an equal probability that one of the radioactive atoms will decay or not. If an atom decays, the device will spray ketchup over the chocolates and ruin them."
I should have worn my hip waders.
"If we left the box and its contents for an hour, we could say that the psi-function of the entire system would contain both ketchup-covered and non-ketchup-covered chocolates in equal amounts."
So you should open the chocolates as soon as you get home? Is that what you're saying?

 

by speedboat_lou
7-19-03
Wait - I think I understand you, but I have some questions. First, why would you have to attach the ketchup-spraying device to the radioactive material at all? Geiger counters don't work like that.
I wish I'd brought my hip waders.
And secondly - was he simply saying that some of the chocolates would have ketchup on them and some would not? That they all would have ketchup on them AND they all would not? It ain't clear, sonny.
I don't know - I've never opened a box of chocolates.
That reminds me - I have to go home and check on my cat.

 

by speedboat_lou
7-20-03
Comics without clothes...!
Fantasy...
...of many men!
Lifetime of a few.

 

by speedboat_lou
7-25-03
I'm a man wearing a shark suit...
...and I'm a SHARK wearing a MAN suit...
...and together...
...weeeee're...
- it was never completed and the network went bankrupt. When we return: The conclusion of "Sid and Marty Krofft" on A+E's "Biography".
But I saw it - It was their crowning achievement! What the hell was it called?

 

by speedboat_lou
7-26-03
B-b-but VOTING MACHINES that leave no PAPER TRAIL are DANGEROUS to DEMOCRACY!
It's only a problem if KIDS hack into the SYSTEM...
... because their TEACHERS don't TEACH them how to COUNT in PUBLIC SCHOOLS...
...'cause you're all LIBERALS.

 

by speedboat_lou
7-26-03
*Washington Post, July 26, 2003
B-b-but we CAN'T print that Secretary of State John T. Willis called the VOTING MACHINE SCANDAL "technological hysteria"!
Why not?
B-b-because then we'd have to admit that our CONCERNS about electronic voting machines are TOTALLY WITHOUT MERIT!
I don't see what's so WRONG with ADMITTING you were LYING...
...you liberals were wrong about IRAQ, too.

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