All comics by tweetybird

 

by tweetybird
2-14-01
Valentine's Day, INTP-style
Gee, maybe I should e-mail the list

 

by tweetybird
2-15-01
Helen tries to help Philip
Jerks! Idiots! Morons! I hate you!
??!??!
Nobody likes me! Everyone's against me, even my jerk wife!
Maybe they're reacting to being called jerks. If you weren't nasty to everybody, they wouldn't be nasty to you.
That's exactly what -you- do, jerk! Are you sure you're an INTP?
&*$*!!#@%

 

by tweetybird
2-15-01
Bunny lands on the list
I am so beautiful! I am so smart! My life is fascinating and sophisticated, unlike yours! I have sexual powers beyond your understanding!INTP men desire me and all women envy me!
Which reminds me of a story....
What? How dare you get attention I deserve, you skanky whore!
Pardon me? That was uncalled for.
That was just a joke, darling. I apologize for forgetting you're not as smart or sophisticated as I am, and that you can't understand my clever and intelligent humor. Laughing and laughing.
Four hundred pounds, shut-in.

 

by tweetybird
2-15-01
Helen finds the list
Hey, these are people like me! I feel like I'm home.
Wanna talk about minimum wage?
Hmmm, this brings out my good side -and- my bad side.
I will keep typing until I die! You must admit you are totally wrong! And not an INTP!
Hmmm, maybe it's not so comfy after all.
So I'm self-absorbed; so are you, darling. I have the right to say whatever I want. It's a public list.

 

by tweetybird
2-15-01
Life meets cyber reality
Some people from my e-mail list want to meet me!!
They seem like regular folks, so it should be okay.
I am a tortured soul, but you understand me. We must get married, after we search the web for interesting uses of hand puppets and buy some underwear on eBay.
Geezus!

 

by tweetybird
2-17-01
I can hardly wait to meet some of my cyber-friends!
I bet the conversation will be thought-provoking and intellectually stimulating!
I have to pee.
You must be JRT!

 

by tweetybird
2-17-01
I thought getting DSS would be a good thing
I can hardly wait for the culture to start!
After all, there's a lot of educational stuff available, like documentaries
And now on HBO, 'Real Sex'
They can do this on teevee?
But in many ways, it is indistinguishable from network teevee
BAM!
Oooh, "Iron Chef" is -really- good tonight!

 

by tweetybird
2-20-01
Ollie isn't the only one with problems...
My computer's broken! I can't do anything!
Do you have an error message?
Some thing said I couldn't put characters in numeric fields, whatever that means. This is a crappy program! It won't let me type in whatever I want!
Did you look in the user manual? It explains in chapter 4 what numbers and characters are and how to respond to error messages.
I hate you! You're mean!
Or I could just tell you what to do every minute of the day, starting from when you enter the building.

 

by tweetybird
2-20-01
The Ollie attitude is a creeping blight...
My computer's broken! It won't let me complete my transaction!
Did you look at the transaction status report?
What's a status report? I don't wanna look at a report, I want to finish a transaction!
According to the status report, there are still 3 requirements needing to be filled before this transaction can be completed.
I hate you! You're mean!
Or we could just throw out all rules and requirements and let you proceed at random and hope you get it right.

 

by tweetybird
2-20-01
And what problem do we have today?
My customer ordered 100,000 mood rings, but now he wants 10,000 rings and 10,000 smiley faces! And the order department says the computer won't let them send it!
So, did you CHANGE the order at the order CHANGE screen?
I talked to the customer on the phone and it was all settled, so I don't understand why the computer is doing this!
Since I am unable to program "awareness of phone conversations" into order applications, you'll need to actually change the order.
I hate you! You're mean!

 

by tweetybird
2-22-01
Howdy.
Va pensiero, sullale dorate, va ti posa sui clivi, sui colli, ove olezzana tepide e molli l'aura dolci del suolo natal!
Dagnabbit, no cowboy should even know what an Eye-talian opera is, let alone sing an aria from it!
Then how'd YOU know it was an aria from an Eye-talian opera?
Busted.
'Sides, this here canyon got a nice echo to it.

 

by tweetybird
2-22-01
Here's a real knee-slapper fer yuh...
I kin allus use a good joke.
Sed nescio quo modo nihil tam absurdo dici potest quod non dicatur ab aliquo philosophorum.
And what the hell is that?

Showing page 1.