All comics by xb00042

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by xb00042
12-17-08
I'm the best thing since Bozo!
My Doggie is more fun than you.
Nonsense! Where is this dog !
In my backyard. He can balance on anything!
Beginner's luck! I bet he can't balance the federal budget!

 

by xb00042
12-17-08
Okay, Bob. I'll take the Fantasy World for 1000 dollars!
You got it! But which Fantasy World are you referring to?

 

by xb00042
12-17-08
What's the deal with these politicians refusing to legalize weed? They might as well eliminate cigarettes too.
I agree completely. Cigarettes are just as bad if not worse than weed. Plus , they have a horrible smell.
Shut up dude!
And don't get me started on the second hand smoke. I swear cigarettes suck a**! What's wrong with you?
He's behind me isn't he?
What the f*** you just said!

 

by xb00042
12-17-08
Mark my word. As president of these United States I will prosecute each and every illegal alien!
Is he talking about us?!
I don't know act natural.
OH SAY CAN YOU SEE! BY THE DAWNS EARLY LIGHT!
O Sh**! I forgot the words.

 

I'm awfully sorry sir but do you mind existing outside?
Discrimination!
by xb00042, 12-18-08

 

by xb00042
12-18-08
I'm sick these stereotypes! All aliens don't travel in flying saucers, plot to kill all humans, and abduct people to perform strange experiments!
Exactly! The gall of these humans! Some of us like to drive in cars and if they gave us a chance they'd be suprised at how benevolent we can be!
The truth is that we are some of the most caring...
Hey! EEEEEEE.TTTTTTT!
Okay let's kill him!
What kind of spaceship you fly?

 

by xb00042
12-18-08
Dad, I would like to introduce you to my future husband, Winston.
Nice to finally meet you Senator Davis!
Same here Winston. Welcome to the family!
I love you people. I thought the X-Files was disgraceful!
What the hell!

 

by xb00042
12-18-08
FOX 5 News: Factory Explosion Witness.
I was cruising in my spaceship on 24's when I heard this big BOOM. I looked out the window and I was like "oh s***! That ni**a on fire!" It was crazy!
Wait! Before ya'll go I wanna give a shout out to Mars, Pluto, and Jupiter. And shout out to my homeboy Frank. Hold ya head up they gonna drop dem charges!
Why they always interview the dumb ones?
Extra-terrestrial Goon Squad stand up!

 

How many tricks did you turn today? And if you hand me another grain of fruity children's cereal you gettin slapped!
by xb00042, 12-18-08

 

Hey, what are you doing here?
Inventory.
by xb00042, 12-18-08

 

by xb00042
12-18-08
I give my soul to you.
Your wish has been fulfilled!
Indeed! I did sell my soul to Satan!
Wow, but you were pretty evil before the deal so I wouldn't be suprised if something crazy happened.
Uh... excuse me but can I get a refund?
Damnit!

 

by xb00042
12-18-08
I'm gonna say this one more time! Kids love the Easter Bunny more than Santa Claus!
And I'm gonna say this one more time. The Easter Bunny sucks!
Five minutes later...
Oh boy. How am I gonna explain this to my children?

 

by xb00042
12-19-08
Whew! Excuse me!
I beg your pardon? What are you talking about?
What on earth is that awful smell?
Your attractiveness just plummeted at an alarming rate.

 

by xb00042
12-19-08
Welcome to The View!
Oh my God! You're just like a girl! What are you doing watching The View!
Um...I think Whoopi Goldberg is sexiest woman alive.
Oh, my fault.

 

by xb00042
12-19-08
Welcome to The View!
Oh my God! You're such a girl! Why are you watching The View?!
Um...I think Whoopi Goldberg is the sexiest woman alive.
Oh, my bad.

 

by xb00042
12-19-08
Good morning America. It seems that we are experiencing some technical difficulties. Rick, can you hear me?
I'm sorry. The signal is breaking...!!!
Once again, we apoligize for this. It appears that Rick is buried in a hill of snow. So he's either outside Sarah Palin's house or in George Bush's basement
*BADA BING!*

 

by xb00042
1-06-09
It's a damn shame what's happening in Gaza. If you asked me it's an utter crime against humanity.
Uh...yeah. A damn shame.
Oh my God! Are you living under a rock?! You don't know about the conflict on the Gaza strip?!
Gaza strip? Hmmm...isn't that the new dish they serve at the Taco Bell?

 

by xb00042
1-08-09
So basically you want to be martyred to you can go to some celestial Star Wars convention
No, you infidel! I go to Paradise where I will meet Allah.
When I get there 72 virgins will be awaiting me.
Virgins? Like I said...a Star Wars convention.

 

by xb00042
1-08-09
So basically you want to be martyred so you can go to some celestial Star Wars convention?
No, you infidel! I'll go to Paradise where I will meet Allah.
And when I get there 72 virgins will be awaiting me.
Virgins? Like I said...a Star Wars convention.

 

by xb00042
1-09-09
Thank goodness I made it home safe!
What happened?
I was leaving this public lecture for evolutionary science and there was a pack of irrate creationists outside waiting. The things they did!
What did they do?! Calm down breathe!
They started sh*tting in their hands and throwing their poop at me!

 

Somewhere in the third world. Year 2015.
Ew, this sandwich looks disgusting!
You better eat that sandwich! There's people in America starving!
by xb00042, 3-18-09

 

by xb00042
3-18-09
You have to understand that the 165 million dollar bonus was outlined specifically in the contract.
So don't antagonize us. We're stuggling just as much as evryone else. We are not the gluttonous fools that the media portrays us to be.
AIG has the people's interest at heart. So next time your watching the news you'll know the real truth.
I'm not a zoologist but why is it that I see a pig yet I smell the s*** of a bull?

 

by xb00042
3-18-09
You have to understand that the 165 million dollar bonus was explicitly outlined in our contracts.
So don't antagonize me. I'm struggling just as much as everyone else. We are not the gluttonous fools the media makes us out to be.
AIG has the people's interest at heart. So next time you're getting brainwashed by the media you'll know the truth.
I'm not an animal expert but why is it that I'm looking at a pig yet I smell the s*** of a bull?

 

by xb00042
4-15-09
Hey pretty lady why you come back to my place. I can show you a good time.
Ok.
Who's your Daddy?! Who's your Daddy?!
You are! You are!
Who's your Uncle on your Grandmother's side of the family?!
What the f***!

 

by xb00042
4-15-09
Hey sexy lady. Why don't you come back to my place? I can show you a good time.
Okay.
Who's your Daddy?! Who's you Daddy?!
You are! You are!
Who's your Uncle on your Grandmother's side of the family?
What the f***?!

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