It has come to my attention that some people think masturbation in its various forms is less than the high-minded pursuit of pleasure I have always taken it to be. Faced with this shocking notion I turn to you good, sticky-fingered people. What say you?

Is sliding down yer own fire pole (or spelunking for clams for you ladies) really all that bad? For my own part I have to say that hair never grew on my palms. On the contrary, all those applications of lotion seem to have given me a silky grip.

Purely for medical reasons -- it's good for the prostate. I swear, the only reason I watch roller derby during these medically approved exercise sessions is so that I won't enjoy them too much.

Masturbation has never seemed wrong to me. At first I thought it was amazing, the greatest gift God had given me, it was like discovering my own "easter egg", pull this a few times and you'll get a surprise!

But now it's just something that I do.

It passes the time, a bit of self-gratification. Soon it'll be as socially acceptable as smoking, you'll be in a cafe/pub/bar and you'll reach for the equivalent of an ashtray........a wank bowl I guess, jerk off, and put it back on the table.

no-one will even bat an eyelid!

If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP.

"Fred, I'm sorry, but you masturbate too, so we can't be friends anymore".

What the fuck?

First off, do you go around asking your friends if they jack off? Do you expect them to be honest? This is horribly stupid.

Also, whoever wrote this sure thinks about masturbation a lot, but he probably sticks it in choir boys during summer camp, so he doesn't need to whack off.

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When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

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7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind.

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When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

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First of all, I can't imagine the thought of masturbating entering my head and me going "OH MY GOD" and running out of the bathroom half dressed to run into the living room with a hard on and say "Mum, please, I can't be left alone".

also "do not admire yourself in a mirror", what kind of freak do they think I am?? Like, I'm going to wank in front of the mirror while pointing and winking at myself "hey there sweet cheeks!"

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That last paragraph made me want to wank.
And I did.

Yer maw wanked me last night. She wasn't very good at it.

...which is odd, considering how much practise she gets.

Yer maw wanked my dog, and she was spectacular. Took 'er five seconds.

We should leave Andy alone in this thread for a week with just a packet of Digestive biscuits to sustain him , and see if he survives.

Hmmmm... not to many cons listed. Guess I should have plunked this into general discussions.

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We should leave Andy alone in this thread for a week with just a packet of Digestive biscuits to sustain him , and see if he survives.

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Krolbite

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We should leave Andy alone in this thread for a week with just a packet of Digestive biscuits to sustain him , and see if he survives.

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I was going to make an Andydougan - Digestive joke, but I didn't know wether the Digestive was an international biscuit, or if those craaaazzzyyy Yanks called it something stupid like a "Krolbite" or "Supra Bbyzkit".

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My masturbation face.

The fawn is masturbating in front of a mirror.

This is a thread that should never have died.