Forum archives » General Discussion » R E V O L U T I O N !

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King_Newbie
November 26, 2001 8:01 PM

The regular users have crushed the newbies beneath their heel for long enough. I am King Newbie, leader of the Newbie Collective, here to liberate the newbies of the world from the yoke of the Strip Creator establishment!

Newbies! Your time is now! JOIN ME!

Post #28870link

wirthling
November 26, 2001 8:05 PM

Yeah, let's burn the old bastards!

Post #28871link

King_Newbie
November 26, 2001 8:07 PM

Oh, I forgot to say, if any regular users want to be spared, they can make their case here. But don't get your hopes up.

Post #28874link

crabby
November 26, 2001 8:27 PM

This reminds me of my earlier postings.

****SiGh*******

Memories, I was the blue print for newbie trolls. Maybe not the first but I did a really nice 180 turn I'm quite proud of.

NEWBIES SUCK BIG FLOPPY CAMEL COCK!!!!!!!!!

Post #28879link

Spankling
November 26, 2001 9:08 PM

OH! Do me first Newbies! I've been so naughty!

Post #28887link

Kevin_Keegans_Perm
November 26, 2001 9:19 PM

NEWBIES ARE A WASTE OF DOG SEMEN WHICH HAS BEEN LEFT TO DRY ON THE COCK OF A HOUSE FLY

Damn i was bored tonight.

And so , onto Porn i think.

Post #28893link

lara7
November 26, 2001 9:20 PM

44342

Post #28894link

comicboy34
November 27, 2001 1:58 AM

i call XO

Post #28900link

DragonXero
November 27, 2001 4:22 AM

This newbie is a fucking moron. What should I do?

Just ignore him, he'll go away fairly soon. They all do after they're done being dumbshit trolls.

Post #28910link

kramer_vs_kramer
November 27, 2001 4:32 AM

Maybe someone should post to the "HOW DO I GET TO #1" thread so it moves back to the top, and all the newbies can read it and learn from it.

Post #28913link

King_Newbie
November 27, 2001 5:19 AM

As usual, the regular users mock the newbies. For their complacence, Kevin Keegans Perm (there should be an apostrophe in that, by the way) and lara7 will be the first to the guillotine.

Post #28926link

DragonXero
November 27, 2001 5:21 AM

I think we should put you in the box.
For thirty days.

What say, regs?

Post #28928link

King_Newbie
November 27, 2001 5:26 AM

Closely followed by DragonXero.

Post #28930link

ladyjdotnet
November 27, 2001 5:28 AM

quote:
I think we should put you in the box.
For thirty days.

What say, regs?



It rubs the lotion on its skin.

It puts the lotion in the basket.

Post #28931link

itsclark
November 27, 2001 6:12 AM

Can we eat his liver with fava beans and a fine chianti?

Post #28942link

DragonXero
November 27, 2001 6:31 AM

I was thinking we should just pour After-Death sauce down his throat and watch him combust.

Post #28950link

King_Newbie
November 27, 2001 6:41 AM

44386

Post #28955link

DexX
November 27, 2001 6:50 AM

LadyJ, you are a goddess.

*bows low*

We are not worthy.

PS. When the fuck did my kangaroo become a newbie-avenger?

PPS. Who is the regular behind this Newbie-King wanker, anyway?

Post #28956link

ObiJo
November 27, 2001 6:51 AM

You know, this guy's starting to make some sense to me. I think I may just sign up. But first I'd have to know specifically:

- What is the Newbie Revolution's stance on stabbing newbies?

- How bout non-stabbing of newbies. No breaking of the skin. Just a large distributed force. Also called crushing.

- If my cat and my newbie are stuck in my burning house, and I can only save one, is it okay to kick the newbie in the teeth on the way out?

- Newbie A leaves Boston at 7am going 50 mph. Newbie B leaves Chicago at 8am going 40 mph. If the distance between Boston and Chicago is assumed to be 800 miles, is it okay to kick the newbie in the teeth on the way out?

- Q: How many newbies does it take to change the kitchen lightbulb?
A: Kitchen? What the fuck's he doing out of the basement?

These are kind of fun. Like Polack jokes, but without offending those dirty stinky Poles.

quote:
THE NEWBIES HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT THEIR CHAINS

Wait a minute, don't you mean, "THE NEWBEEZ HAV NUTHING TO LOOSE BUT THERE CHAINS"? What the hell kind of newbie are you? What the hell kind of hybrid newbie can spell.....IMPOSTER!

Own up, you.

Post #28957link

DexX
November 27, 2001 6:54 AM

My newbie has diarrhoea. What should I do?

Get a bowl, wait for it to fill up, force feed the contents to the newbie. Repeat indefinitely.

Post #28958link

King_Newbie
November 27, 2001 7:13 AM

I think you misunderstand slightly, ObiJo. The Newbie Collective is here to depose the regulars and lift the newbies out of the gutter, not vice versa.

quote:
- What is the Newbie Revolution's stance on stabbing newbies?

We're against it, but any newbies who are stabbed in the course of the revolution will be forever martyred.

quote:
- How bout non-stabbing of newbies. No breaking of the skin. Just a large distributed force. Also called crushing.

Against newbies no, but crushing regulars is fine. Encouraged, in fact.

quote:
- If my cat and my newbie are stuck in my burning house, and I can only save one, is it okay to kick the newbie in the teeth on the way out?

No.

quote:
- Newbie A leaves Boston at 7am going 50 mph. Newbie B leaves Chicago at 8am going 40 mph. If the distance between Boston and Chicago is assumed to be 800 miles, is it okay to kick the newbie in the teeth on the way out?

Also no.

quote:
- Q: How many newbies does it take to change the kitchen lightbulb?
A: Kitchen? What the fuck's he doing out of the basement?

I suspect you're not taking this very seriously. But if I'm mistaken, then the revolution is willing to accept regular defectors. You will be treated mercifully.

quote:
Wait a minute, don't you mean, "THE NEWBEEZ HAV NUTHING TO LOOSE BUT THERE CHAINS"? What the hell kind of newbie are you? What the hell kind of hybrid newbie can spell.....IMPOSTER!

Own up, you.



A common stereotype. Many newbies are perfectly eloquent, while many regulars have the diction of a five-year-old with learning difficulties.

Post #28961link

comicboy34
November 27, 2001 7:32 AM

i wish to lead the newbie MARINES OORAH!!

Post #28968link

JrnymnNate
November 27, 2001 8:00 AM

King Newbie is far to sophisticated to be a troll. He's gotta either be a reg, or have done this before.

Post #28972link

DragonXero
November 27, 2001 8:03 AM

So you say you want a revolution?

Suck carbine steel, you relentless hordes of worthless newbie flesh. As you march toward our stronghold, our incendiary shells will immolate you. You shall be masticated by our guard dogs, and then regurgitated. Your remains shall be disposed of in the most embarrassing and horrifying fashion imaginable. You shall be infiltrated, your security breached, and your leaders ripped to little tiny shreds by our blades.

Once we reach you, we shall knock you unconscious, tie hundreds of pieces of thread into your skin, and hang your from the ceiling of your commando office. We will let you hang there until you wake up, you first moment of consciousness will be pure agony. For days, we will slowly strip off the skin from your lower body, starting at your toes, removing mere inches an hour, keeping you from bleeding to death. We will wash your wounds in salt water, and laugh at you as you scream in pain. Next, after we have stripped the flesh from your legs, we will pierce your bones with stainless steel, shoving all the way through. We shall remove the rods, and replace them with thicker ones each day to increase your pain. Next we will begin removing the skin from your torso and arms, peeling it off slowly, inch by inch, until your entire body, save for your face is nothing but scar tissue. We will remove your nails, all your hair, everything, leaving your body one throbbing, and painful mess. We will wait for your body to give into the pain, and allow you to pass you, remove you from the string constraints, and carry you out to the large cross, and crucify you. We shall snap your arm bones as we begin the first part of the crucifixion. Next, we shall whip your already raw flesh, bringing instant sores and blood to your body. Next, the legs; we shall shatter your shinbones as we hammer in the third spike, holding you to the cross. We shall not give you a crown a thorns; instead, we shall rip the flesh from around your skull in a vicious bloodletting ceremony. Finally, the last part of your death, a spear in the side will serve as the delivery device for your death: an incendiary device that will destroy you. We shall march off to a safe distance, march out the remaining newbies, and force them to watch you, letting you see their faces in fear as we detonate you. Your bloody remains spraying around the site, raining as little pieces of flesh tumble along the ground and splat at our feet will be glorious. Victory will be sweet.

Post #28974link

ObiJo
November 27, 2001 8:18 AM

quote:
I suspect you're not taking this very seriously. But if I'm mistaken, then the revolution is willing to accept regular defectors. You will be treated mercifully.
I don't want to live in a supposedly merciful world that doesn't have the decency to allow me to kick a newbie in the teeth on the way out.

Listen, I hear what you're saying, I really do. But if we start treating newbies politely, what's next? Voting rights? The ability to own property? Taking them out of the sensory-depravation box? No sir. In the world I envision for my children, the only place they'll see newbies is in history books or a wax museum.

My grand pappy taught me two and only two things in my life. I don't really remember the first, but I think it had something to do with vanilla. The second, however, was simple: "The entropy created by the conscious thought process of a single newbie in a time frame between one and five seconds is equivalent or greater than the entropy created by a regular performing the same conscious thought process during a timeframe three orders of magnitude greater than the timeframe previously mentioned for said newbie. So fuck 'em."

Post #28985link

King_Newbie
November 27, 2001 1:16 PM

Right, comicboy34 will lead the newbie marines. Any other volunteers for newbie officers?

Thanks for the idea, DragonXero. That's what we'll do to the regulars when we catch them. Only more so.

quote:
Listen, I hear what you're saying, I really do. But if we start treating newbies politely, what's next? Voting rights? The ability to own property? Taking them out of the sensory-depravation box? No sir. In the world I envision for my children, the only place they'll see newbies is in history books or a wax museum.

This is what rich white land-owners once said about slaves and women, until they rose up and claimed their due. Now is the time for newbies to follow suit.

Post #29066link

Drexle
November 27, 2001 1:37 PM

quote:
Once we reach you, we shall knock you unconscious, tie hundreds of pieces of thread into your skin, and hang your from the ceiling of your commando office. We will let you hang there until you wake up, you first moment of consciousness will be pure agony. For days, we will slowly strip off the skin from your lower body, starting at your toes, removing mere inches an hour, keeping you from bleeding to death. We will wash your wounds in salt water, and laugh at you as you scream in pain. Next, after we have stripped the flesh from your legs, we will pierce your bones with stainless steel, shoving all the way through. We shall remove the rods, and replace them with thicker ones each day to increase your pain. Next we will begin removing the skin from your torso and arms, peeling it off slowly, inch by inch, until your entire body, save for your face is nothing but scar tissue. We will remove your nails, all your hair, everything, leaving your body one throbbing, and painful mess. We will wait for your body to give into the pain, and allow you to pass you, remove you from the string constraints, and carry you out to the large cross, and crucify you. We shall snap your arm bones as we begin the first part of the crucifixion. Next, we shall whip your already raw flesh, bringing instant sores and blood to your body. Next, the legs; we shall shatter your shinbones as we hammer in the third spike, holding you to the cross. We shall not give you a crown a thorns; instead, we shall rip the flesh from around your skull in a vicious bloodletting ceremony. Finally, the last part of your death, a spear in the side will serve as the delivery device for your death: an incendiary device that will destroy you. We shall march off to a safe distance, march out the remaining newbies, and force them to watch you, letting you see their faces in fear as we detonate you. Your bloody remains spraying around the site, raining as little pieces of flesh tumble along the ground and splat at our feet will be glorious. Victory will be sweet.


Or why not just force him to listen to yours and my CD collection as well. That would theoretically be just as painful.

Post #29070link

wirthling
November 27, 2001 1:56 PM

quote:
Any other volunteers for newbie officers?

Ooh! Can I be Rear Admiral?

If not, I'll just bring chips.

Post #29074link

comicboy34
November 27, 2001 2:01 PM

i'll be official chip eAter

Post #29075link

TheElPaso
November 27, 2001 3:01 PM

Maybe the rest of you newbies wouldn't have to revolt if you didn't suck so much.

I bet 50 bucks that Kingnewbie is either comicboy34, von_kirbster, elvishitler, kitty kat, or maybe all of the above. Of course, nobody in their right mind would take me up on that, which is why I can only bet newbies.

PS- I ain't on anybody's side except my own. Which means I'm my own chip bringer and chip eater.

Post #29083link

KajunFirefly
November 27, 2001 4:16 PM

Am I the only one who wants to repeatedly beat TheElPaso?

Post #29095link

Geniu$
November 27, 2001 4:17 PM

not at all, I'm up for some newbie stompin' too!

Post #29096link

comicboy34
November 27, 2001 5:29 PM

no kind newbie is god!

Post #29119link

KajunFirefly
November 27, 2001 6:42 PM

quote:
no kind newbie is god!
where for art mine nipple juice?

Post #29135link

andydougan
November 27, 2001 6:51 PM

quote:
quote:
no kind newbie is god!
where for art mine nipple juice?

Ugh. Everyone's started talking gobbledygook. I'm away for a lie-down.

Post #29139link

DragonXero
November 27, 2001 9:17 PM

King Newbie, since you'll never get a chance to do that, you should probably just give up. We'll only slap you around a bit that way.

Drexle, I don't know about your music collection, but I would never honor a newbie by letting him listen to any of my CDs.

Post #29174link

Drexle
November 27, 2001 9:35 PM

quote:
Drexle, I don't know about your music collection, but I would never honor a newbie by letting him listen to any of my CDs.

I would think of it more as a test of (im)purity than an "honor," but whatever.

Post #29177link

DragonXero
November 27, 2001 9:50 PM

Hah.
No newbie shall be given the honor test, they do not deserve it.

Post #29185link

KajunFirefly
November 28, 2001 2:08 AM

I think we've successfully "bashed" the Newbies for long enough now, the trolls seem to be withdrawing and the potential regulars are still here.

Geniu$ and myself would like to welcome you newbies, Bogart, Kitty_Kat and...(cough) that....other one.

Post #29207link

ObiJo
November 28, 2001 2:45 AM

quote:
Geniu$ and myself
Do you remember the exact moment you went insane?

Post #29210link

King_Newbie
November 28, 2001 4:13 AM

Enemies of the Collective:
crabby
Kevin Keegans Perm
lara7
DragonXero
kramer_vs_kramer
DexX
Drexle
Kajun Firefly
Geniu$

Possible allies:
wirthling
ObiJo

We newbies are grossly outnumbered. But that will only serve to make victory all the sweeter.

Post #29214link

crabby
November 28, 2001 4:18 AM

Hmmmm....... I'm listed as first on there list of enemies. Looks like I've finally made it people.

Did anyone else notice the absence of a certain Mr.Billings from that list? Also pay attention to his list of possible allies both are Billings counterparts.

Post #29216link

kramer_vs_kramer
November 28, 2001 4:18 AM

Oh keep me out of this. This forum is for the posting and discussion of comics and related topics. I have no wish to get involved in your infantile attempts at attention grabbing.

Post #29217link

skagg
November 28, 2001 5:31 AM

if there is a place for some kind of person who can screw you from the inside sir may i fill your rectum?

if not im sure your uncle will oblige in felching you

now add me to that fucking list, right at the top

Post #29225link

JrnymnNate
November 28, 2001 7:15 AM

.!..

Virtual finger. Beat's a smiley.

I'm Anti-n00b, unless the display charisma like krammer_vs_krammer did when he showed up. DIE FOOS!!!

Post #29266link

DexX
November 28, 2001 7:18 AM

Nate's going to Hell! He used the rude finger!!!

Post #29268link

TheElPaso
November 28, 2001 2:49 PM

quote:
Am I the only one who wants to repeatedly beat TheElPaso?

Yeah, and I'm the only one who wants to beat you repeatedly. Unless you stretch the defintion of "beat", in which case elvishitler would want to "beat" us all. Thank god he left.

Post #29346link

TheElPaso
November 28, 2001 2:51 PM

quote:
Enemies of the Collective:
crabby
Kevin Keegans Perm
lara7
DragonXero
kramer_vs_kramer
DexX
Drexle
Kajun Firefly
Geniu$


You forgot me. I hate you too.

Post #29347link

itsclark
November 28, 2001 3:05 PM

I'll be the guy who just lies under his bunk with his knees drawn up to his chin until the fighting subsides. Then I'll wander amongst the dead and dying with a thousand yard stare, quietly humming to myself.

Post #29349link

KajunFirefly
November 28, 2001 6:40 PM

quote:
Yeah, and I'm the only one who wants to beat you repeatedly. Unless you stretch the defintion of "beat", in which case elvishitler would want to "beat" us all. Thank god he left.
Ha ElPaso, you'll notice I'm so fucking mean I'm listed twice as enemies of YOUR newbie collective, I don't know how your gonna "beat" me when both your legs are at opposite ends of the room!

Post #29369link

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