Friends, Romans, countrymen... lend me a dollar. Or your ear, whichever might be more readily available.

It has come to my attention that the Lowpass CSC Forum has been completely overrun with twits. It is with a heavy heart that I put into action Ultra-Secret Disaster Recovery Plan X4. Those of you in attendence of the first quarter meeting of the Council of Elders will find in your take-home packets an legal-sized manila envelope labeled X4.

You may now break the seal and remove the contents. Inside you will find a detailed description of the plan and the actions required of each of you.

Should you have any questions, please direct them to Sergeant at Arms-Boorite.

Remember that in the event of any of you feeling more stupid than normal you are authorized to use your cyanide capsules.

Maybe the onslaught of twits is to make up for the absence of ObiJo.

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Should you have any questions, please direct them to Sergeant at Arms-Boorite.

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Yeah, Boorite... who put Gabe in charge of anything beyond wirthling's ass?

FYI, there's a typo in paragraph 3 of section 12, page 38. At the end of the second sentence, 'crate of marmosets' should read 'crate of wombats'.

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Maybe the onslaught of twits is to make up for the absence of ObiJo.

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Kind of like when cats piss on their territory so that lesser cats know better than to come around?

I have a question. Top of page 18, the part about the fruit-flavoured jelly - is this UK/Oz jelly, which is a dessert made of gelatine, sugar and fruit juice, called "jello" in North America, or US "jelly", which I take to mean "jam", a sweet spread made of pureed fruit, stewed and mixed with sugar, generally eaten on toast?

Another question - why do we need ten kilograms of it? Each?

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I have a question. Top of page 18, the part about the fruit-flavoured jelly - is this UK/Oz jelly, which is a dessert made of gelatine, sugar and fruit juice, called "jello" in North America, or US "jelly", which I take to mean "jam", a sweet spread made of pureed fruit, stewed and mixed with sugar, generally eaten on toast?

Another question - why do we need ten kilograms of it? Each?

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I have a question. Top of page 18, the part about the fruit-flavoured jelly - is this UK/Oz jelly, which is a dessert made of gelatine, sugar and fruit juice, called "jello" in North America, or US "jelly", which I take to mean "jam", a sweet spread made of pureed fruit, stewed and mixed with sugar, generally eaten on toast?

Another question - why do we need ten kilograms of it? Each?

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I have a question. Top of page 18, the part about the fruit-flavoured jelly - is this UK/Oz jelly, which is a dessert made of gelatine, sugar and fruit juice, called "jello" in North America, or US "jelly", which I take to mean "jam", a sweet spread made of pureed fruit, stewed and mixed with sugar, generally eaten on toast?

Another question - why do we need ten kilograms of it? Each?

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Posting this last message three times was just to confuse the enemy.

Just about anything confuses this enemy.

*throws some shiny things around the room*

See? That should keep them busy.

Excellent. We'll begin immediate airdropping of the 3x5 cards that say 'Turn me over' on both sides.

...and I will use my guerilla warfare and stealth training to sneak into his house and write the message, "Toilet tennis! For instructions, see opposite wall!" on the walls to either side of his toilet.

It may be months before we see him again.

You know, the paragraph about the crotchless shinyleather pants and the leather underwear sounds awfully familiar from somewhere....

Okay, I get the reason why you mention fruit flavored Jelly on page 18... but why do you then go on to specifically require KY Jelly on page 20, right below the pictures of ... you know who?

Please don't tell me it was included to boost morale... that picture is just plain unnatural. I mean, look at all the pustules! And that rash is just grotesque...

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Okay, boo, what in gabe's shorts is going on?

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Yeah, Boorite... who put Gabe in charge of anything beyond wirthling's ass?

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Battle Plan #413

Step 1: Induce enemy to climb rope.

Step 2: Wave to enemy.

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Desperate times call for desperate geeks.

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Desperate for COCK.

(That was a subtle JerkCity reference.)

By the way, which one of you IS "Sergeant at What's in Gabe's Shorts?"

Why don't all of y'all bitches get the hell outta my shorts. Boorite... dispense with the whup-ass!

You know, I didn't notice this until I read through a second time, but... at the bottom of the third paragraph on page 27, is that supposed to be "boiled alive", or "broiled alive"? Please let me know soon; I may have to cancel a very expensive order.

Of course it's boiled. Who ever heard of broiling a lobster boy. And to answer some of the other nitwit questions I've been e-mailed before you all start asking them again...

Sect. 2 - Pg. 9 - P. 3:
Yes, the kilt is mandatory, but you only need to wear it for the duration of the skit.

Sect. 2 - Pg. 15 P. - 2:
We will be abiding by standard Scrabble tournament rules.

Sect. 3 - Pg. 2 - P. 4:
There's no need to bring your own boomerang. DexX has thoughtfully agreed to provide us with enough for everyone. (And he's bringing enough kangaroo jerky to share!)

Sect. 3 - Pg. 23 - P. 9:
You'll need to be at least 56" high or you won't be able to participate.

Sect. 5 - Pg. 4 - P. 3:
No one has ride the camel if they don't want to.

Sect. 8 - Pg. 35 - P. 2:
Everyone will get a chance to shoot it at least once, and we'll be going through the list alphabetically.

Sect. 9 - Pg. 5 - P. 7:
Yes, she really can do that, and will be demonstrating at both 10am and 4pm. Not recommended for those of you will heart conditions or a weak stomach.

Sect. 11 - Pg. 18 - P. 4:
We'll probably burn what's left.

Sect. 12 - Pg. 21 - P. 11:
I'd wear jeans and a long sleeve shirt for this one. We'll have protective eyewear and hard-hats available as well.

I am astonished by the similarity between your cooking instructions and that for preparing Ewok:

http://triggur.org/ewok/

Perhaps we're not being fair to the enemy. I suggest we see how well he does on this IQ test.

Who? What? Huh? Yoinks.

According to that test I have an IQ of 160. And my dog has an IQ of 230.

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Of course it's boiled. Who ever heard of broiling a lobster boy. And to answer some of the other nitwit questions I've been e-mailed before you all start asking them again...

Sect. 2 - Pg. 9 - P. 3:
Yes, the kilt is mandatory, but you only need to wear it for the duration of the skit.

Sect. 2 - Pg. 15 P. - 2:
We will be abiding by standard Scrabble tournament rules.

Sect. 3 - Pg. 2 - P. 4:
There's no need to bring your own boomerang. DexX has thoughtfully agreed to provide us with enough for everyone. (And he's bringing enough kangaroo jerky to share!)

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