All comics by Cre8tive13

 

by Cre8tive13
1-12-06
So...? You woke up at the 'crack of dawn' this morning...Big Deal?
Dawn is my roommate.
She must be jealous.

 

by Cre8tive13
1-12-06
Yes, Yes...I DO appreciate the attention! Your blowjobs...Your finger in my butt and more.....
...And yes....I know that without you I'd still be a virgin....
But enough of the "Quit teasing me with your dick and use your finger" comments, okay?!

 

by Cre8tive13
1-13-06
I gave that girl I was with last night a "Rodeo Fuck"
What's that?
It's when you mount her from behind, reach around and grab her boobs and tell her she's the most disgusting thing you've been with in your life. Then try to hang on for 8 seconds
That's so degrading!!!....It is sick and disgusting!! I gotta go!
You're going to try it on your girlfriend, aren't ya?
My girlfriend has a thing for cowboys.....

 

...So its T-A-M-M-Y, right?
No! T-A-M-M-I ....... No Y, but One I... One I..... I hope you find a way to remember that!?
by Cre8tive13, 1-13-06

 

by Cre8tive13
1-13-06
What's the "Hug Test" you ask? Ya finger her, then you hug her. That's when you smell your fingers...If she stinks, I DO NOT go down on her....Cuz that would be disgusting!
Like...really, really gross...ya know what I mean?
*sniff, sniff*
Whaaaaaat? I had a tuna sub for lunch....Seriously.....

 

by Cre8tive13
1-14-06
So, bitch, how was your first night on the street? Did you make me lots of money, ho?
Oh you would have been proud it was sooo busy! I made $100!!
ONLY $100? What the fuck? You were only with one guy all night?!
No, no... I was with 100 men!
...You get your own protection, bitch...
Gawd....So much for opening night specials!

 

by Cre8tive13
1-15-06
How's the internet dating thing working out?
Well, I went out on my first date...She looked nothing like her photo...She was fat, ugly and could not carry a conversation!
Sorry to hear that....How did it end?
I fucked her.

 

You're HIV positive; have lupus; an infected leaking anus and you won't live to see your next birthday ....... but you saved almost 15% by switching to Geico!!!!
by Cre8tive13, 1-15-06

 

by Cre8tive13
1-16-06
At the proctologists...
Well, well...what kind of asshole is my next patient? haha..a little proctologist humour for you!
H-hey doc...be gentle...this is my first time here and I'm very nervous....
Bloody hell....That's the biggest hemorrhoid I've ever had to lance...
Your nickname should be Dr. Hook! That's a little 'asshole' humour for YOU!

 

by Cre8tive13
1-17-06
The test results are in. You have "Burlap Disease"....
Burlap Disease? What in tarnation is that?
It's uh...It's from 'eating' old bags.
I told you to not to go down there...

 

by Cre8tive13
1-17-06
Heyyyy....Nice Gunt on ya, bitch!
What's a Gunt?
It's that fat area where your gut meets your cunt.
How rude, you bastard! Go fuck yourself!
Heyyyy...Nice Gock on ya, bitch!
?!?

 

by Cre8tive13
1-17-06
That there's my wife....been married 50 years and she hasn't changed a bit..."cept for what she has between her titties...
Her belly button..

 

by Cre8tive13
1-17-06
This just in....The way a woman carries a child in her womb during pregnancy is no longer conclusive as to what sex the child will be...
New evidence shows that if the pregnant woman walks around with a smile on her face, she is having a boy...
Because every girl is happy with a dick inside of her!

 

by Cre8tive13
1-18-06
An accident involving a SUV and a vehicle carrying 2 East Indian men happened today...
The driver of the SUV is fine, however, the status of the 2 East Indian men is unknown.
Police, however, did released the name of the two men...Pindunder Jheep and Iswallowed Maballz.

 

by Cre8tive13
1-19-06
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo...domo...domo...domo
What the fuck are you rocking about?

 

by Cre8tive13
1-21-06
*DING DONG*
AVON calling!!
Your product came in!! Here it is! Lesbian Pot Pourri Air Freshner...
*Sniff, Sniff* Mmmm. I should have bought those in BULK! Mary is gonna love it!!!!

 

by Cre8tive13
1-25-06
Well, I got my period yesterday
Ewwww....too much info! What's it like?
Ah, it's no big deal!....It's just a little bit of blood.
Yuck! Sounds vile and disgusting! I don't know HOW you stand it..
I just wish there was a scab I could pick!

 

by Cre8tive13
1-26-06
Hey Eric...Nice "Camel Toe" ya got goin there, honey...
Thanks, dear!
What's with you scratching your balls like that every morning.....?
What?...It's there and it just feels sooooo good!
I mean, it sounds like you're sharpening your fingernails or something!

 

by Cre8tive13
1-26-06
It's not easy being a necrophiliac! There are no sex toys for us
I have to fill my blow up doll with water and put her in the freezer just to get that genuine rigor mortis feel!
Or I just masturbate with a pumice stone!

 

by Cre8tive13
1-26-06
So, Mike I have your results back...It seems you have A.D.D.
That's it? Okay...Thanks doc.
So what did the doctor say?
Oh...uh...I dunno...something about having ABC or something like that...I dunno he kinda went on and on....blah, blah, blah, blah...You know how doctors are! Heh-heh!

 

by Cre8tive13
1-30-06
Hey Honey....I'm feeling a bit frisky....you up for a little ummmm... play time?
Sorry, babe...wrong time of the month for me...
Oh too bad....you're on the rag, eh?
Yep! Although I like to call it "Taking Carrie to the prom!"
Ick!
Speaking of which...it's time to change her dress!

 

by Cre8tive13
3-30-06
God..... I'm here for your help! I NEED a faith lift.
God can help you see the light...
Are you thaying that God will anther my prayerths and allow me to afford a faith lift?
Even God couldn't have seen that coming.

 

by Cre8tive13
3-31-06
3:16. You?
Still 2:13
Scriptures? Nah, it's the girl to boy ratio of the children we've molested

 

by Cre8tive13
5-12-06
So...uh...are you one of them aliens who's thinking of sneaking over the border illegally?
I dunno. Maybe. I mean, why not, right?
Mexican food to us is.... "Taco Bell"
Fucking sheet, mang!

 

by Cre8tive13
5-24-06
Although I pretend to hate this damn war, where else can you get loaded on booze and still operate on casualties? ...Another shooter out of this needle, BJ Honeycutt?
That'd be great! Thanks, Cockeye Pierce!!
Say....didja ever notice your name is "BJ".....it actually stands for ... you know...something? heh heh...
Stop right there! I'm happily married and not gay, butthole! Dammit, Cockeye, how much HAVE you had to drink today anyways? Geezus!
Oh, come on BJ...I'm just shittin ya!....You know how I'm always joking around!? See ya back at the Swamp! Hmm...wonder if that cross dressing queen "Clingon" is around...

 

by Cre8tive13
5-24-06
Clingon! Is that you in drag? I can help you get that section-8 you want and get outta the army for good! By the way...wanna shot from my martini needle?
You're the best Cockeye! What do I have to do?
Well, I've almost drank myself blind...and you're looking pretty good to me right now...so I was thinkin....
Cockeye, smarten up!...I dress up like a woman, but I don't do those sort of things. I mean, what kind of a girl do you think I am? Butthole Faggot!!!
Suit yourself, Clingon! You're good from far, but far from good anyway...Say, is that Father Mulgayhee over there....?

 

Hey Father Mulgayhee! Listen, I was wondering...
Hold it right there, Cockeye! I'm married to the Lord...Fuck off and take your gayness elsewhere. By the way..It's Mulcahy! Father Mulcahy, you booze hound, butthole!
by Cre8tive13, 5-24-06

 

by Cre8tive13
5-24-06
Gaydar O'Reilly! Listen son, I'm drunk and horny. All the nurses have snubbed me and I was wondering what do you think about giving an other man head?
I'll do it!!! I'd do anything for you, Cockeye! I've always loved you and your cute butthole! Oh-Oh ....Choppers!!!
Choppers? But , I don't hear anything?
No...MY choppers! I'm worried about them scraping your dick...You see...I'm a virgin, sir!
You'll be fine, Gaydar!....Uh, You won't mind if I pretend you're "Hotlips" while you're at it, do you?
Not al all sir. If suicide is painless...this is all pleasure!!

 

by Cre8tive13
6-11-06
True story at a Dunkin Donut Counter
Can I help you?
Uh yeah, can I have a 20 pack of Munchkins please?
Sure, all mixed?
No, no, no..I want 19 of them to be chocolate.
....Okaaaayy....what about the last one?
It doesn't matter, I ain't picky!

 

by Cre8tive13
6-15-06
Do stray stray cats keep following you around for no apparent reason?
Tired of biting into a sandwich and smelling TUNA....when it's HAM you are eating?
Ronco introduces............................ The Finger Condom!¨
It keeps the stinky off your pinky....and the snail-trail off your fingernail!! Never worry about geting blood, warts or stinky finger again!
Order now and receive not one..but TWO finger condoms! What a Deal!!! The girl in your life will thank you for it! You'll have "One in the pink and one in the stink" in NO time!
With it's patented cute smiley face right on the sheath, she will NEVER notice the disgust on your own face when your finger accidently opens up one of the scabs on her labia!
That alone is reason to buy this product! The Finger Condom¨ is Not available in any store....Don't wait! Call now! Operators are standing by!

 

by Cre8tive13
7-07-06
I'm sorry for yelling at you sweety, but marriage is supposed to be about sharing, remember....?
Yess...?
But if you keep eating all the shit in the yard, I'll never get a chance to enjoy it myself!
Ok, fine! You can have the next steamy pile all to yourself....fuck!

 

by Cre8tive13
7-10-06
Nice to meet me.
Nice to meet me too.
Oh, the pleasure is all yours.
I was gonna say the same thing to you.

 

Go Fuck Yourself!
Mmmm...what a delicious suggestion! I think I'll go home and do that now!
by Cre8tive13, 7-10-06

 

At the Quadriplegic Olympic Ticket Booth
One adult ticket, please!
Sure, thing, gimpy! Standing room only though! hahahaha!
by Cre8tive13, 7-11-06

 

...And in closing, fellow transvestites!! Remember...Always dress both ways before crossing!
by Cre8tive13, 7-13-06

 

by Cre8tive13
7-18-06
I fucking hate n00bs.
Why's that? Does it make you crabby?
Yes, it makes me crabby! Where do they get off coming here and contributing to comics and message boards?
I know a few n00bs can be completely irritating and overload the message boards with meaningless crap...but others just like stripcreator for enjoyment.
Granted, but they are no talent hacks. Some of them are so boring and plain like vanilla.
And what...You thought you cornered that market?

 

Invading your planet? No, man I'm just trying to find a place I am allowed to have a cigarette!
by Cre8tive13, 7-19-06

 

This is a stick up. Ummm...let's see...62 false move and I'll shoot
Mwaaa *slobber*....Ung uhhh....
by Cre8tive13, 7-21-06

 

by Cre8tive13
7-21-06
With Tourettes
PISS! FUCK! *tic* CUNT! *tic* BITCH!
SHUT UP FUCKING COCK!!! MUTHA- FUCKERRR! *tic* ASS *tic* FACE! SHUT UP!
Fuck off, fuck off , fuck off, fuck off..
Tourettes people on strike

 

by Cre8tive13
8-09-06
Yes?
I'd like a tuna on rye, please.
Hold on a moment?
Sure?
THAT'S for NOT using the designated handicap parking spot we have out front!
...I...don't ....*gasp* drive....

 

by Cre8tive13
8-29-06
Demoted to "dwarf planet." How embarrassing...
Heeyyyy...I thought the word "Dwarf" was offensive. Size shouldn't matter. I'm big in my own way. When we stick labels on each other, we segregate ourselves and thus we encourage ignorance!
Good day. I'm collecting for P.E.T.A - Planets Equal to All - and wonder if you'd like to contribute something?
Fuck off, one eye! I'm a little short!

 

by Cre8tive13
9-05-06
You see children, there are people who are jealous of our wealth. Okay, any questions? Hey Peter, are you going to ask that question while sitting in that chair?
I could try to stand up.
For the viewers, there IS room to stand.
I guess it depends on your perspective.
Touche
!?!

 

by Cre8tive13
9-06-06
Janice...I've got some bad news about your son.
What is it?!? What's wrong? Is he alright?
Well, I dunno how else to say this, but he's got sexual ...issues...
Oh shit! He's GAY isn't he? I knew it! I knew he was GAY! WHERE DID I GO WRO..
Linda. I caught him fucking my dead German Sheppard. He's into necrobestiality.
Necrobestiality!? Oh, thank GOD, he's not gay!!

 

by Cre8tive13
9-08-06
So, you're really angry with Denise for hitting on your girlfriend, eh?
She knows Marilyn is with ME! When I see Denise, I'm gonna beat the shit outta her!
Really? You're gonna fight her? Have you ever been in a fight before?
....well, no....
Have you ever even made a fist?
Dave, I'm a dyke...if there is one thing I know, it's how to use a fist!

 

by Cre8tive13
9-11-06
Hi there. Um, one mulligatawny and Is that lima bean? Never been a big fan. [coughing] Has anyone ever told you you look exactly like Al Catino? You know, " Scent Of A Woman." Who-ah! Who-ah!
Very good. Very good. You know something? NO SOUP FOR YOU!
What?
Come back one year!
Next!!!!

 

by Cre8tive13
9-11-06
Whatcha got there?
Some butch handed me this "Feminist Joke Book"
Is it funny?
I dunno....it's full of blank pages?
Oh, I get it!! haha! That IS funny!

 

by Cre8tive13
9-14-06
So Kelly was dumped by her husband, eh?
Yes, Mike but pleeeeze don't say anything to her about it. She has been bawling non stop since he left her.
No worries, what kind of guy do you think I am?
Thanks Mike! It's just such a super sensitive issue with her right now.
5 mins later - Women's Washroom
So Kelly, *wink* I hear you're not getting any at the moment?!
Get the fuck outta here, prick!!!

 

by Cre8tive13
9-15-06
Heeeey! Aren't you Lee Majors??
Yep, yes I am. Listen, I'm in a real hur..
Oh, Coool, Man!...Weren't you the BIONIC MAN!?
Uh yes I was...I really have to get go....
Dude, you haven't aged at all! Anyway, ya look like a Million bucks!
*phff* ONLY a Million? thanks a fuckin lot.

 

by Cre8tive13
10-17-06
...I just feel so unorganized and I...
DUDE!...Did you just hear yourself?
What?
It's DIS-organized. Not UN-organized! That word doesn't even exist! Maaan!
Ha! I feel gooder about myself knowing that I'm more smarter than lots of people!

 

by Cre8tive13
10-20-06
Ommmmmmm! Ommmmmmm! Ommmmmmm!
HELLOOO!? Whatcha' doin' in there, mate?
Sorry, I was meditating. can I help you?
Yes, mate...I was looking for a 'andout....Can you spare change for a man down on his luck?
Yoga and meditation helped put me back on track when I was down...Maybe you should try it ?
I would try it mate, but I'm 'omless.

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