All comics by CrunchyCheese

Profile

 

by CrunchyCheese
5-29-03
January 1999 - The Fanning home
Sean, its such a nice day. Why don't you go outside for a while?
Can't mom. I just figured out a way for everyone to get FREE MUSIC!
June 1999
Sean, why don't you stay for dinner? I made meatloaf.
Can't mom. The limo is waiting.
Last Weekend
Sean! It's so wonderful to see you. How's your new job?
Any meatloaf left?

 

by CrunchyCheese
5-31-03
1927
At last - my hard work pays off!
Think of the possibilities... education, news, quality family entertainment
2003
Tonight on "Twenty Hookers and a Rich Guy..."
Now that's good stuff

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-02-03
Ed, I was reviewing your sales figures for last month...
Oh great, here we go again
Looks like you missed your quota again, that's not good.
Actually, my quota was $12,000 and I got over $15,000, so I shoul be getting a bonus, right?
Yeah. About that. I changed your quota last night after dinner. You owe us $1200
There must be a bottle of vodka around here somewhere

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-02-03
He Ed. How's it going?
Not so good. Mr. Ratbastard says I missed my quota again last month
But I thought you were one of the tops salesmen in the company
Yeah, I am. But now I owe the company $1200.
So what are you going to do now?
I'm undecided. Arson seems to be leading the race though.

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-02-03
Hey Milton. Whatcha got there?
My bonus check, damn the govenrment sure does take a bite, huh?
Wait, you got a bonus? but you haven't sold anything since the Clinton administration!
Yeah. I get a bonus every month. Don't you?
lets' see - I need matches, kerosene, and some newspaper
Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-02-03
Mr. Ratbastard. How come Milton gets a bonus when he never sells anything? But I get docked when I beat my quota?
Because I adjust your quotas based on your performance. The more you sell, the higher your quota
OK, but how can you do that after the end of the month? That's corporate socialism
I prefer to think of it as Active Income Redistribution
So you are like a managerial Robin Hood?
Exactly. Now go give Franklin your shoes. They are much nicer than his.

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-02-03
The Staff Meeting
You need to shift your paradigm. Operationalize the core values. There is no "I" in TEAM
Great, another staff meeting of platitudes
"Operationalize the core values"? Who talks like that?
God I can smell his breath from here
must...stop...voices....
I wonder if Chili's is hiring

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-02-03
... and so, in order to keep stock prices high, and secure my bonus, we simply must cut costs.
Unfortunatley, this means we will have to cut staff by 20%
But if you eliminate one manager, his salary and bonuses would more than equal six of ours
... and so, in order to keep stock prices high, and secure my bonus, we simply must cut costs.

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-02-03
These decisions are never easy. But by laying off six people, the rest of you will get to keep your jobs
But if you laid off one middle manager, the savings would be the same, and more people stay employed
Doesn't that make much more sense?
You're not much of a team player, are you Ed?

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-02-03
Josh, what are you doing? You've been on that computer all day.
I'm playing "Ultimate Doom Online" with Tavo and Brian
You may want to log off. Seattle was just levelled, and I hear air raid sirens
Mo-o-om Not now, I'm almost to level 17!
huh, lookit that. Seven horsemen just rode by.
Yes - I got the plasma grenades. These guys are toast!

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-02-03
Josh, I'm not kidding. You need to log off and get in the shelter with your father and me.
Just a minute
We're not waiting on you young man. You either come with us now, or stay out here and get blown to bits
Mom, I said in a minute!
Fine, you're on your own.
Hahaha I just got Tavo with a rocket launcher. He is so fuxored!

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-02-03
::: Gotta go guys, my mom says the apocalypse is coming :::
::: Fine. One more level, then I am outta here :::
::: You guys are so hosed :::

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-02-03
::: Alright guys, I gotta go. Mom says the apocalypse is coming. L8r :::
Aw man, I lost my connection again

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-02-03
You mean you guys don't have ANY DSL or Cable connection down here?
No, just pain, torment, and unimaginable suffering
So I have to use dial-up to play "Ultimate Doom Online?" Dude that sucks.
You don't get it, do you kid?
Hey, where do you keep the Mountain Dew?
Over here in the Barry Manilow Room. Follow me.

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-02-03
Listen to this rule: "You will than cross your comics with theirs but the winner whens by funny and to make the contest different"
Ah baloney, you're just making that up
Seriously, look at the first post.
Wow. Poor Noob. He's getting savaged.
Yeah. I mean, we're noobs and still had sense enough not to post some ridiculous stuff like that
Maybe he has a condition.

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-03-03
Thank you for calling AT&T, this is Todd
Hey dude, I'm working VO today. So don't think I am coming in
Working VO? Does that mean you are just sitting around in your underwear watching TV?
No... I really am working
Bullshit
fugawf - wuh wuh

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-03-03
AT&T, This is Gina
Hey Gina, its Edy. I'm working VO today, so call my cell if you need me.
Now are you Working VO, or "Working VO"?
No, Really, I am working very hard here
Oh Balls
hehe - Have a great day!

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-03-03
I'm afraid I've created a monster. Now Edy is only communicating with us via comic strip
You got one too? I'm starting to worry.
Yeah, its getting kinda creepy if you ask me.
Not to mention annoying. Does he think its cool or somehting?
Heh, I'm so cool. I bet those guys are totally digging this.

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-04-03
Mmm This is some good yogurt. It's like "Wind in your hair" good
Not this crap again
I'm talking "Favorite Song on the Radio" good
I'm talking "Fresh batteries in the vibrator" good
How about "Beating you bloody with a shovel" good?

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-04-03
Hi there. Carrot Top here reminding you to dial down the center with 1-800-C.A.L.L.A.T.T
What the hell?!
Dude, I was about to score...
Everyone scores when you dial down the middle with 1-800-C.A.L.L.A.T.T
I bought that chick drinks all night, now she's gone
Free for her, cheap for you

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-05-03
.. OK Brad, the boss really let me have it. But he said I can get you this beautiful 1977 Valiant for just $3995
What? No way I'm doing that. Are you crazy?
Look, I'm not supposed to do this, but if you buy today, I'll throw in the extended warranty for only... $400 more
SOLD!
heheh... sucker
heheh... sucker

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-05-03
Let's go back to my room

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-05-03
Man, am I glad its Friday
Maybe Mr. Ratbastard will let me sneak out a few hours early
Hey Ed, don't forget the sales training at 3:00
I bet I could plead "justifiable homicide" and no jury would convict me

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-05-03
Can you believe Ratbastard called a sales meeting at 3:00 on a Friday?
I know what you mean. I have a hot date with the new girl in logistics I need to prepare for.
The one with the lazy eye and a missing front tooth?
Yeah, Marjorie, swell gal.
Its because its Ratbastards niece, isn't it?
Ed my man, I have no idea what you are talking about

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-06-03
Ed at the 3:00 meeting
I wonder where everyone is
OK - it's almost 3:30. Come on people...
3:45... this is absurd
4:00 and still no one....
4:15 - screw this. I'm outta here
Oh hey Ed, didn't you get the memo? I moved the meeting to 6:30 Monday Morning.

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-06-03
The results of the branch employee satisfaction survey are in
This should be good
It seems that most emplyess feel that our meetings are too long and non-productive.
News flash
So I want you to schedule a meeting for next week to sort of round table some ideas
he shoots... he scores!

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-06-03
Let me see if I got this. You want to schedule a meeting to discuss how to make our meetings more productive?
Right. Reserve the conference room for Tuesday from 8:00 to 11:00
Why stop there? Why not order in lunch and make it an all-day thing?
Great idea Ed. Why don't you form a committee to decide on what to order? I vote for Ludefisk
Im thinking Cyanide might get the most votes

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-06-03
OK, listen up everyone. We are having a lunch meeting on Tuesday. Waht does everyone want?
Pizza's always good
No way - too many carbs for me
I vote for Chinese
You could get one of those 6-foot submarine sandwiches
remember, I am a vegitarian

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-08-03
Aye Matee, what do ye think of Descolada's Pirate Jokes?
They're haarrrrrrible

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-09-03
Sales are down, so we are going to have to doa little "belt-tightening" around here.
Item 1: We are discontinuing water service to the office. Please bring your own bottled water from home.
Item 2: The company no longer pays for meals when you travel.
It is our belief you would eat if you were home,and we don't pay for meals here, so we won't pay for them when you are away
Item 3: Please only print when necessary. To cut costs, try using _both_sides of the paper
Which brings us to item 4: Toilet paper...

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-12-03
One Day at Worldcom
We're getting Audited! I need you to shred all the financials
But isn't that illegal? Or at the very least unethical
Do it or you're out of a job
Sounds like I am out of a job anyway
Do it and I'll give you 50,000 shares of stock
Hey now you're talking. I'm on it like Anna Nicole on a donut truck

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-14-03
You know where this is headed, right?
Ah heck, not again
Yup. He's mine. All mine, and I don't have to share with anyone
Every time he has a guest over
That's right. This is my own, personal Jesus
I swear, If I could get just _one hand_ free...

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-14-03
Black. Representing darkness, evil, foreboding. But I wonder how the "other half" lives?
White? Goodness, purity, virginal? I don't like it. I thinkI'd prefer to be....
Back in Black

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-14-03
You're lost, aren't you?
No. Leave me alone. I know exactly where I am going
No you don't. You should ask for directions.
Look, I said I got it.
Are you sure this is the way back to your place?
Yes, I am positive. I am on the Highway to Hell

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-14-03
I wanna be a cowboy
And you can be my cowgirl
Yippee yippee yii yippee yo yo yo
Worst .. blind date... evar

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-14-03
How do I work this?
This is not my beautiful house...
This is not my beautiful wife...
Mommy - Robert Downey Jr. is here again

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-14-03
I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
hey, I'm no cheap trick you know

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-14-03
Mama said knock you out
I'm gonna knock you out
Mama said knock you out
yes, so I hear

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-24-03
Stick with me here....
Hey, are you that Gandhi guy?
Yes, that is me.
So, you are the visionary leader of the Eastern movement of non-violence?
Yes. I want to lead my people to enlightenment through trust and self-sacrifice to our fellow man
So I could totally kick your ass and you would just take it?
yes. But I would be very disappointed in you.

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-24-03
Hang in there
How come you aren't wearing shoes?
Becasue my people are poor, Many of us do not have shoes
WSo you go walking all over India barefoot?
Yes, that is the only way I can spread my philosophy to my people
That must be hell on your feet
My son, I have callouses thicker than tofu jerky

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-24-03
You're kinda scrawny too, huh?
yes. I lead a vegitarian lifestyle. And I routinely fast
And you stink to high heaven
I am sorry my son. Water is scarce and I seldom get to bathe
What about that bad breath on top of it all.
Again my son, our countyr is poor and dental care is not available to manhy of my people

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-24-03
So to sum it all up - you are a visionary leader of many people ...
yes..
But you are really skiiny, with poor hygeine, bad teeth, and bunions?
Yes, this is as God intended for me
So that makes you a super-calloused fragile mystic, who reeks with halitosis?
I fucking hate westerners

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-25-03
I clocked you at over 120 miles per hour! This is clearly a 55 zone
Yea I know. Guess I am in trouble, huh
Well, at least a ticket. Probably add you to the known offenders list. Maybe take your license
Isn't there some other way?
You could promise to obey the speed limt and give me some sweet lovin'
Go on and write me up for 125, post my face "Wanted Dead or Alive', take my license, all that jive. I can't drive 55

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-25-03
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood
He's gonna make you feel alright
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood
I'm gonna be your Frankenstein

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-25-03
I know its is going to be hard, but I know I can do it.
have you thought about all the responsibility?
yes, I know
Have you though about the 2 a.m. feedings
papa, don't preach. I've made up my mind. I'm keeping my baby
Shoulda seen that one coming

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-25-03
How are you liking your trip to Phoenix?
It must be 200 degrees here!
I know its a bit warm, but aren't you staying out in the country with friends?
Nope, we have a hotel room right downtown
SO that means you are...
yeah yeah -- A hot child in the city

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-25-03
Baby baby baby why you wanna treat me this way
You know I'm still your lover boy, I still feel the same way
Let me tell you the story about "Free Milk and the Cow" No huggy no kissy 'til I get a wedding vow
My honey, my baby, don't put my love up on no shelf
Don't hand me no lines, and keep your hands to yourself

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-25-03
I'm in control; Never gonna stop
control
To get what I want
control
I like to have a lot - control
Now I'm all grown up

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-26-03
Well I guess what they say is true
I could never be the right kind of girl for you
I could never be your woman
Aw heck come back to be sweetie

 

by CrunchyCheese
6-26-03
Hey, Look the forums changes
yeah, its all so different
Hopefully, this will cut down on the dumbass questions though
And the flaming retards
So, Can we edit comics now?

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