All comics by ExNihilo

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by ExNihilo
9-05-02
Fuck, Jim. I thought you were going to stop smoking.
No, fuck you, Bob. You think you're all high and mighty--I know you're keeping a bag of crack cocaine under that queer little hat.
Sometimes you can be a real jackass, Jim.
One of these days, Bob, we're gonna be extinct. And you know why? Because blokes like you started plugging the asses of other guys.
Well you know what, Jim? When they look back at my remains thousands of years from now, they're going to say, "Wow, that dinosaur had a sense of STYLE."
Yeah, and an asshole you could run a mastodon through.

 

by ExNihilo
9-05-02
Fucking mammals. Think they own the place.
Fucking mammals.

 

by ExNihilo
9-05-02
I'm writing an art film.
I'm writing an art film.
It's about a young dinosaur on a sexual adventure in the Mesozoic. A coming of age story, if you will.
Ja, Bob, are you ready for zee sweet sweet love?
Take me, Fritz.
That doesn't sound much like art.
Did I say "art?" I meant "naked."

 

by ExNihilo
9-05-02
I'm writing an art film.
It's about a young dinosaur on a sexual adventure in the Mesozoic. A coming of age story, if you will.
Ja, Bob, are you ready for zee sweet sweet love?
Take me, Fritz.
That doesn't sound much like art.
Did I say "art?" I meant "naked."

 

by ExNihilo
9-05-02
I don't mind tellin' you, Jim. Work's got me worn out. Between that and these tiny arms, I can't seem to please my wife in bed anymore.
Bruce, you got fired from your job three weeks ago, and you don't have a wife.
...and the kids?
You have a box of Jujubees and a dead canary.

 

by ExNihilo
9-05-02
Now that my marriage is over, I feel like I can finally get close to other women, and I'd just like to say that these past few weeks have been the greatest of my life, darling.
Bruce... that's not a real person. You're watching an old episode of Suddenly Susan.
Oh. Then I guess I AM still a virgin.

 

by ExNihilo
9-06-02
Jim--I'm going out of town this weekend to rekindle the romance in my life. I need you to take care of my wife while I'm gone.
Isn't your wife going with you, sir?
That old bat? Hell no, Jim. I'm going to rekindle the romance between me and a little lass named the Great Outdoors.
The Great Outdoors, sir?
That's right. She's got tall pine trees for hair, soft, pillowy clouds for buttcheeks, and mountaintops for nipples.
All right, sir. Just remember that you're banned from going anywhere near Old Faithful.

 

by ExNihilo
9-06-02
It has come to the author's attention that he has inadvertantly mixed up the names of the main characters, Jim and Bob. In the interest of clarity, the issue shall be sorted out here.
Ishmael, methinks doth smoke too much.
Aye, Sebastian. Aye.
Too poofy. Maybe something a little more urban.
Holla back, Jamal. I got da scrilla, you got da sack?
Facheezie, Antoine.
Fuck that. The one on the left is Norbert, the one on the right is Todd.
I wish I were Todd.
Fuck you.

 

by ExNihilo
9-06-02
And so, in conclusion, I'd like to say that the key to doing well at your job is definitely hard work. Or maybe there's two keys. Another key is don't fuck up. Fucking up is bad.
These lectures are such a waste of time. Why are we even here?
I think the smaller brain in my ass has fallen asleep.
Yeah, don't fuck up, that's the second key. And the third key is don't try to fax your genitals to your coworkers. I mean, holy shit, the stories I could tell you.

 

by ExNihilo
9-06-02
You know, Norbert, a lot of folks look down on me because I have a brain the size of a walnut.
Yeah. I can see that.
But you know what I say? I say, my brain may be the size of a walnut, and my arms may be as no larger than pipe cleaners, and my head may be totally out of proportion with my body, but I... ah...
Well, Bruce, you've got spunk.
No. No. They gave me pills for that.

 

by ExNihilo
9-08-02
Todd, I understand that you've been smoking in your cubicle.
Yes. And heavy drinking. Is this a problem?
I'm afraid so. The other workers around you are starting to complain that it hinders their work efforts.
Why don't you move those workers into a special "non-smoking section?"
Hmm. I like it. You're quite the idea man, Todd. I think I'll give you a raise.
Yes, sir. I also talked to the other workers. They said that they would work harder of you gave me a desk made of solid gold.

 

by ExNihilo
9-08-02
Don't you ever feel like being the same dinosaur day in and day out is a little tiresome? Don't you ever wanna be somebody else?
You mean like... small asian girls?
Wow. That was possibly the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me.
Suddenly, I have a new appreciation for Hello Kitty and school uniforms.

 

by ExNihilo
9-10-02
Man, I've been meanin' to ask you. Why do you carry out that mug? There's no coffee in it.
It is a familiar object that brings me a sense of security, and helps me to create the illusion that nothing ever changes and that life has no vissitude.
That's deep, Bruce.
Plus, it says "World's Greatest Grandpa" on the side.

 

by ExNihilo
9-10-02
Norbert! Rumor around the office is that you're gayer than a room full of amateur DJ's. Is this true?
Sir, doesn't that question invade my privacy?
Privacy? Pfft. You waived your right to privacy when you signed that document that said I could break in and rifle through the possessions in your house while you're at work.
I never signed that.
Oh. Then I guess that means you're gonna want your penis mags back.
Well, no wonder I couldn't find my copy of "T-Rexxx and the Triceracocks."

 

by ExNihilo
5-12-03
Todd! It's casual Friday, my friend, where's your floral print shirt, your cheeky capri pants?
Sir, I'm naked. I've been naked for the past six years I've worked here. In fact, you're the only one that's ever worn clothes at the company at all.
Well, holy hell, Todd, you're right. Maybe it's time I let the old grapes grow free, huh?
It is casual Friday, sir.
Note well the glory of this moment, Todd. You are a witnessing a sight that, until now, only my wife, my secretary, various other people's secretaries, and about 300 people on Bourbon St. have seen.
You've never been to New Orleans, sir, but that explains why you declared last week to be "Really Fat Tuesday."

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