All comics by Ineluki

 

by Ineluki
4-12-05
One day Bob had a brillaint idea.
I think I'll make some pancakes for tea
So he made some and served them to his friends.
Try these pancakes.
Thank you Bob
Everybody thought they were great, so Bob made them everyday. The End.
Bob's pancakes are the f**king damage!
Word!

 

by Ineluki
4-14-05
One day Bob's arch-nemesis, Evil Robot Bob, made some poison pancakes!
Heheheh! I'm so evil. I'll show that Bob who's the greatest!
Your so clever boss!
He then served them to all Bob's friends...
Try these lovely pancakes. My own recipe!
Cheers dude.
...and they all got sick! TO BE CONTINUED!
Bob, Bob! i don't feel well!
This is terrible!

 

by Ineluki
4-14-05
After all his friends got sick, Bob made a special batch of pancakes containing Antidote!
i feel really ill!
Here, quick eat these.
All his friends ate them and started feeling better. Evil Robot Bob was not best pleased
I feel much better now!
Damn that Bob! Foiled again!
But Bob appeared and set fire to him. MORAL OF THE STORY - DON'T FUCK WITH BOB!!!!
Take that you cad!

 

by Ineluki
4-15-05
Bob gets confused by a pirate!!!
Avast ye landlubber! I be Pugnose the pirate, buckler of swashes and scourge of the Spanish Main. Now gimmie all your peiece of eight before I keelhaul ye, ye scurvy dog! Aaaaaaaaarrrhhh!!
I have no idea what this guy's on about...
Until...
Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum! Batten down the hatches, hoist the mainsail! Shiver me timbers! etc etc
Here try some of my pancakes. They're really good!
...common sense prevails.
Ooh, ta! Hey these are pretty good!
Where's your parrot then?

 

by Ineluki
4-15-05
While wandering in Gallillee Bob bumps into Jesus...
You alright up there?
No. It's rubbish. I've got an itchy nose!
Bob does his goood deed for the day...
Here have some of my pancakes. They're really good!
Ooh, Ta!
...but Bob isn't very religious and goes away.
How the f**k am I supposed to eat these..?

 

by Ineluki
4-15-05
Evil Robot Bob is scheming his nefarious schemes again...
Right. I've got a new paln to take care of Bob and his flunkies! I'm going to put super-dooper strength curry poweder on some pancakes. It'll burn them up from the inside - out! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!
Um, boss...
They won't know what's hit them! And with Bob out of the way, I can rule the world! I'm such a genius! No-one can match my superior robot intellect! BWAHAHAHAH!!!!
Um, excuse me boss...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA... What? What is it?
Your fly is undone boss...

 

by Ineluki
4-15-05
Pug and Jock discuss their philosophy of comic strips...
Hey Jock, don't you think that the comic strip is an art form and thus we have a moral duty to provide the reader with challenging and thought provoking issues to mull over?
You mean we should tackle issues such as politics, morality, sociology, philosophy? Should we ponder the meaning of life and the place of altruism in an industrialised society?
...
..................
...............
Phew!
Nah, fuck it!
Let's get drunk!

 

by Ineluki
4-18-05
One day.
Ooooooooommmmmm!
Whatch doin' Pug?
Oh yeah?
I'm meditating. I'm trying to find Inner Peace. A higher state of consciousness. I'm reaching for Nirvana and the Eternal Wellbeing of the Soul.
Oh!
The voice of reason.
Ooooooooooommmmm!
Looks boring! I'm awa' for a pint.

 

by Ineluki
4-18-05
A Party Political Broadcast...
So Jock, there's a General Election coming up. What do you think are the key policies that could sway the undecided masses?
Free rollerskates for old people!
...for the politically un-correct.
...? Please explain!
Well, you know how when you're walking down the street, there's always three old biddies in front of you. Average walking speed = 0 miles per hour. And you can't get past and you're in a hurry?
They should make more policies like this!
So, stick 'em on rollerskates and you can just wheel them out of the way, right?
Problem solved!

 

by Ineluki
4-18-05
The most addictive substance known to man...
What the hell is that smell? Watcha been up to Jock?
Been playing Championship Manager.
Playing time: 36 Days, 12 Hours, 4 Minutes, 24 Seconds. Addictidness rating: Remember to wash.
Is that what the smell is? You haven't washed for 36 days?!?!
That, plus the dog died on day 12...

 

by Ineluki
4-18-05
Here we go again...
Rene Descartes said "I think, therefore I am."
According to Monty Python, Descartes said "I DRINK, therefore I am."
...
.........................
........................
Result!
Um... I think, therefore I drink...?
Works for me. Let's hit the pub...

 

by Ineluki
4-18-05
Is the sanctity of our language under threat?
I hate all this "geek speak". I mean, what's it all about?
I hate it too, Jock. But you have to remember that language is constantly evolving. English has absorbed and assimilated words from many other languages and dialects over the years.
Is that true?
.......................
Words that are specific to today's minority cliques may well appear in the dictionaries of tomorrow.
Of course.
Woot! RoxoR! ROTFLMAO!!!!! pWNED!!!!! Woot! Woot! Wooooot!!!!! WTF?? LOL!
That doen't make it OK, Jock!

 

by Ineluki
4-18-05
True friends are always there for you.
They look out for you. They pick you up when you're feeling down.
They're behind you all the way.
They'll always support you, no mater what you do in life.
...Except for cannibalism and animal sex, of course.
You promised you wouldn't bring that up again!!!

 

by Ineluki
4-19-05
Jock is writing his CV...
...fighter pilot, dinosaur hunter, red mage, intergalactic trader...
Um, Jock. I know you have to sell yourself to the prospecitve employer, but...
...
...artillery gunner, pro golfer, stealth assassin...
...roles you 've played in video games don't count as real world work experience!
Natch!
Well they should! Jedi Knight, manager of Deportivo, Master Chief...
He's only applying for a job at Burger King...

 

by Ineluki
4-20-05
I hate playing dominoes. I always lose.
Hmm, do I play the double 5 , 4-6 or 3-2?
Is it because I'm crap..?
Are you going to play that double 5 or what?
No! It's because old people are psychic and they cheat!!!
How the fuck do you know what I have in my hand?!?!?
Magic.

 

by Ineluki
4-20-05
Oops...
Hahaha! I killed your horsey! Na na na na na na ! I killed your horsey!!!
I hate him!

 

by Ineluki
4-21-05
Sober
Munter!
6 pints
Helloooo baby!
12 pints
Blaarg. Walllarrrgrag. Bibble. Flluuuughhg.
*sigh*

 

by Ineluki
4-21-05
Tourette's Syndrome is a condition which can cause uncontrollable swearing.
I personally suffer from a milder form of Tourette's, known as Selective Tourette's.
This means I swear a lot...
...but I get to choose when I swear and who I swear at.
...
Now fuck off!

 

by Ineluki
4-22-05
Purge!!! Die!!! Destroy!!!!! Annihilate!!!!
Tremble and despair!!! Cower before me worms, for I am Death!!!
What ARE you doing?
Clearing my inbox.
You enjoy your work FAR too much.

 

by Ineluki
4-22-05
Death is called to the booses office...
Death, I've summoned you here because I've been getting reports that you're taking just a little too much pleasure in your work.
Mortality is a serious and sombre business. As the appointed Reaper of Souls you should carry out your duty with graveness and tact.
I do not expect you to derive any perverse pleasure or gratification from your work. You will conduct youself in a manner befitting of your position. Is that clear?
Yes, yes! I know!
That'll be the Deicide.
Don't even think about it!

 

by Ineluki
5-13-05
So I see in the paper that Hugh Dallas is still beeling about gettting hit on the head with a coin at that Old Firm match.
He says it's only a matter of time until a referee loses an eye.
True Story.
Though that's not really going to make much difference, is it?
Yeah, most refs are blind anyway!

 

by Ineluki
5-16-05
So Tony Blair wants to force yobs to wear orange "prison style" uniforms as part of their community service...
It's supposed to be a form of "branding". An attempt at public shaming.
Do you really think that's going to make these idiots think twice about their anti-social behaviour?
Is it bollocks! But I think another form of branding would be much more effective...
Zero Tolerance.
You mean branding words "ASBO" or "fucking chav idiot" onto their foreheads with a red-hot iron?
Yep! And cut their balls off if they re-offend...

 

by Ineluki
5-17-05
Translation provided by Eric the Chimp.
It's your round, mate.
You haven't bought a round all night, you cheapskate bastard!
Graagghhh, loorrrughh, hnnnngghh, brriiifggh. Bibble.
I've had 12 pints and can neither see nor speak. If you're female, wanna come back to mine and play hide the salami? If you're male, buy me more beer.
In reponse to the question "Are you looking at my girlfriend's tits?"
No.
Yes.

 

by Ineluki
5-17-05
Translation once again generously provided by Eric the chimp.
Sorry, I'm late boss.
I'm not sorry at all. I hate this pissy excuse for a career and could happily have stayed in bed till lunchtime.
Hi. How was your weekend?
I couln't give a toss about you or your pathetic social life, but it's better than working. So go ahead, bore the shit out of me...
Sure, I'll get right on it boss.
Why the fuck do I have to do this? A trained babboon could do this, so why don't they hire one?

 

by Ineluki
5-17-05
When waiting for a bus...
You spend 20 minutes waiting for a bus in the pissing rain and when you finally cave in and light up a tab...
...the f**king bus appears!
2006: No smoking in bars and public places in Scotland...
That's all fine and dandy if you want to enjoy a pleasant, smoke free environment...
... ON YOUR OWN!
Complaints from passive smokers...
Here I am shelling out upto a fiver a go for smokes, and you're inhaling half the benefits for free...
...if you wanna sit near me - it's about time you started paying your bloody way!

 

by Ineluki
5-17-05
Guest starring Eric the chimp...
Man, this is a good pint.
As opposed to the flat, tepid piss-water you usually get in this dive.
I am SO not having a kebab on the way home tonight.
6 more pints then it's Kebab-me-up, boyo!
I fucking hate karaoke.
I REALLY fucking DETEST karaoke!

 

by Ineluki
5-24-05
And God said to Moses...
GO FORTH!
But I came fifth and all I got was a wooden spoon.
And Judas said to Pilate...
I distinctly remember you saying 30 pieces of silver!
Well, there's been a recession you see. And there's Messiahs popping up all over - it's costing a fortune to police. Look, 3 sheckles is all we can afford.
And Eve said to Gabriel...
The brochure specifically said GARDEN of Eden!
There seems to have been a mix up with the bookings. This is the uh... Craphole of Eden.

 

by Ineluki
6-15-05
So Michael Jackson was acquited. "Not guilty" on all charges.
Just like O.J. Simpson.
I bet Saddam wishes HIS trial was being held in the U.S...

 

by Ineluki
6-15-05
Hello. Yes carcredit.net? Can you offer me credit to buy a better car.
YES.
With affordable repayments to suit my circumstances? 12 months AA membership and complete peace of mind?
YES, YES and YES.
Would you like me to give you a good fisting and then watch you being sodomised by a goat?
YES. No, wait...

 

by Ineluki
6-16-05
Why was Michael Jackson Acquitted...?
...
The jury thought he was white.

 

by Ineluki
6-16-05
Why should you keep Michael Jackson away from your kids..?
...
Because he's a nigger.

 

by Ineluki
6-17-05
So what did you do last night?
i took in a movie. I found this great little theatre where they let you drink AND smoke.
Nobody bothers if you talk through the movie, take your shoes off or drop a fart. They show whatever film you want, whenever you want it.
You rented a DVD, didn't you?
There's also this chick who gives you a BJ while the end credits rolls...

 

by Ineluki
6-17-05
OH MY GOD! It broke. I could be pregnant or anything!
Did I give you my phone number yet?
Um, no.
Let's fuck!

 

by Ineluki
6-21-05
Bad dog! Stole a pancake! Bad dog!
Who are you to judge me?
?
You humans! You have had genocides! Wars against people of other religions and beliefs! And I stole a PANCAKE?!?!?!
Well... when you put it like that...
PEOPLE OF THE WORLD! IS THIS JUSTICE????

 

by Ineluki
6-23-05
'Scuse me. Can you tell me how to get to the station?
Nope.
This is fucking hopeless Mohammed. We're never going to get there.
Let's ask someone else.
Who were those guys you were just speaking to?
Oh, just a couple of "Lost Prophets"...

 

by Ineluki
6-24-05
Let's do something cultured for a change Jock. There's a new French film on at that artsy film theatre in the town.
...
It's a mellodrama based on the true story of a family of peasants who inadvertently get caught up in the storming of the Bastille during the Revolution.
...
Or we could just go to the pub and get shitfaced again?
I'm there!

 

by Ineluki
6-24-05
Pirate Karaoke
Is this the way to AAAAAAAARRRRHHHH - marillo?
Lesbian Karaoke
Is this the way to Ram-a-dildo?
Glaswegian Karaoke
Haw big man! Where's fucking Armadillio by the way? Tell us now or I'll chib ye, ye bas.

 

by Ineluki
7-22-05
What's wrong Jock? You look really down. Wanna talk about it?
Not really. I'm just a bit depressed, that's all.
How about I buy you a pint to cheer you up. You know what they say - "Alcohol cures all evils!"
Really?
Sure. It says so in The Bible, so it must be true!
...What page?

 

by Ineluki
8-05-05
With their squeeky clean images and their dance routines,
Their perfect teeth and stupid haircuts, they're the antithesis of all thing rock and roll.
But the public lap them up...
and there's never been a better time for talentless gimps to sell loads of records...
... and sleep with loads of girls.
Cunts!

 

by Ineluki
8-05-05
Weebles.
No matter how hard you push them
All they do is wobble...
they never bloody fall down.
..
Cunts.

 

by Ineluki
8-05-05
I type quite fast and tend to make typos.
Surely the internet should incorporate some sort of mind reading device...
so that when I make a mistake...
it knows what I really mean...
and corrects it for me!
Cnuts.

 

by Ineluki
8-05-05
Following the shooting of an unarmed Brazilian man by plain clothed policemen in London, the British government would like to apologise unreservedly to the people of Brazil.
While we're at it, we'd also like to apologise to the people of Argentina for the Falklands War (well, we did steal them from you in the first place!)
And to the people of India, the Boer peoples and anyone else we subjegated during our days of megalomaniacal Empire building.
We'd also like to apologise for English Soccer Hooligans, Bananarama, Scousers, Michael Winner, Pop Idol, Peter Beardsley's face, Big Brother and Prince Phillip...
... the Dresden Bombings, Wham!, the Battle of Culloden, the Beckhams, the War of Independence, Margaret Thatcher, concentration camps, and Jordan.
We claim no responsibility for Mr Blobby or Timmy Mallett.

 

by Ineluki
8-05-05
We had a guy at our school by the name of Michael Hunt.
We nicknamed him - Fuckhead!
Damn!

 

by Ineluki
8-05-05
You put your left arm in...
...your left arm out...
...in, out, in out...
...shake it all about...
...you do the hokey-kokey...
Cunts!

 

by Ineluki
8-05-05
There's a sign up in the coffe shop across the road advertising the "Crusade for Christ", a discussion group focusing on the lack of faith in Christ in modern society.
The poster is subtitled "Why have you forgotten me?"
Which begs the question, why has Christ forgotten us? We celebrate his birthday every year, but he never puts in an appearance. Never calls or sends US a card on OUR birthdays.
If you're still up there big guy, give us a sign!
Even if it's just a plague or something to show we've pissed you off.
Ingrate.

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