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For actual handdrawn comics go here: http://www.simplistictheories.tk

 

New Characters in a New Comic! by MetalZombie 1-28-04
Introducing a New Comic! Okay, so we got hired for a new comicstrip by an undead guy? Nyeeeeeeeeeeh!!	WTF? Are YOU my partner? Weoblop!!	How do I get out of here?! Froynladen?

 

Second strip and someone already died... by MetalZombie 1-28-04
So, now what do we do? Pichew!	Dun-Dun-Dun! I know! We'll kill you! With a Robot!! Glarbagenstoy?!	*Z000000000000t!!* Oogarblageh!!

 

The Ambiguous Gay Joke by MetalZombie 1-28-04
So I'm here with my new partner Osmond! Say hi, Osmond! Hi, I'm Osmond!	So Osmond, what are we doing today? I am going to smother you in whipped cream and lick it off of your body!	SOMEONE KILL ME!! Now bend over, sweetheart, I'm not paying you for nothing!

 

More death! by MetalZombie 1-28-04
Since all the characters thus far have failed, we introduce you to...Zane and Zeik! Hi, I'm Zane, and this is...HEY!! HALLO!	You're not Zeik!! Did someone order Chinese??	Oh hell yes! But what happened to Zeik? He's dead- err, down in the basement...where you'll be in a minute...

 

Fine then, I'll stick with 2 main characters and a plotline! by MetalZombie 1-28-04
Okay, okay, now for some structure... Hey! I'm alive!! I granted you life!	So who is my new partner at, o big breasted fairy? I'll go get him.	Dun-Dun-Dun!! Hey, I know you! No, that was my nice twin brother...

 

Like I said, I'm bored... by MetalZombie 1-28-04
Why did the background turn to hell when you showed up, Marx? Because I'M EVIL!!	Oh, okay... And thusly, the background changes again!	Don't mind me, I'm bored... ...Freak...

 

Omar and Marx go on an ADVENTURE! by MetalZombie 1-28-04
Bum bum bum... Uh...say, Omar, how about we go on an adventure?	All right, let's go! w00t. Follow me!	5 hours later... Well, she DID say that- Shut up, SHUT UP!!

 

Robot Advice by MetalZombie 1-28-04
So you say he likes hammering nails into himself? Yeah...I have no clue how we're going to make it through this comic together!	You know what you could do? What's that, Smitty?	THIS!! OCUAH!!

 

Coo-Koo! by MetalZombie 1-28-04
Note: There is no cat Hey, Omar, check this out! Huh? I was just getting ready to cut this cat!	*z00000t!!!!* YARGH!! Woo-hoo!	Note: Omar is Kookoo... Wait, you're still alive? Woo, this is great!!

 

Tee-hee! by MetalZombie 1-28-04
Well...that was fun... Yeah, I'm bored now...	...How is he still alive...? ...*doink*...	Are you STILL planting nails in your head?! Tee-hee!

 

Introducing Garbanzo! by MetalZombie 1-28-04
I'm getting tired of seeing you on fire... *doink doink doink*	I have an idea... *BIG DOINK* YARG!	I am Garbanzo! OMG how you do dat?!

 

This won't end well... by MetalZombie 1-28-04
Thanks Garbanzo, but where is Omar now? Oh, he wandered off somewhere...	Now where could he...OH GOD!! Omar, NO!! Woo-hoo!	I'm gonna hit it with my hammer!!

 

Dancing on the corpses ashes... by MetalZombie 1-28-04
AGH!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!	... ...Woo-hoo!	I hate you... *doink*

 

Public Service Announcement by MetalZombie 1-28-04
And now for a public service announcement! Kids, we are trained professionals! Do NOT do the stuff that we do in this comic! Hammer the nail in your head is a fun game to play, children!	Forget what I said... *doink doink doink* Woo!	Thanks for watching! If you meet Omar, you CAN do THIS!! *z0000t!* Blargiamdead!!

 

I know it was Smitty at first, but who cares? by MetalZombie 1-28-04
I am Metal Zombie, AKA MZ! And I am his minion, the Penguin!!	We are here to say...FORSH!! More FORSH!! Now bring on the dancers!	Note: Drugs are bad for you, children! This makes no sense! I'm not a dancer!

 

NEVER question your authority! by MetalZombie 1-28-04
I just don't get it, MZ... Get what, Marx?	This whole comic doesn't make sense! Are you pulling these ideas out of your ass? ...Well the truth is...	The Moral of this Story: Don't question the Author! AGH! I've been erased! DIE!! Robot Eraser Power!!

 

Oh so lonely... by MetalZombie 1-28-04
What happen to Marx the Robot, o All Powerful One? He knows too much...	BLARGIAMDEADAGAIN!! Robot Splat Power!!	...I feel lonely now... ...What happened here?

 

They're back! by MetalZombie 1-28-04
Well, Marx and I back, ladies and gentlemen! Yup, and just in time for...umm...Omar, what are you doing?	Here, kitty kitty kitty... Omar, there's no cat...	...Wakobicha? Ahah! There you are, kitty! I'm gonna cut you!

 

What WAS his name? by MetalZombie 1-28-04
Dun-Dun-Dun!! Omar! It is I! *gasp* My old partner! Whose name I do not know!!	I am the ghost of your old partner...what are you doing? Hush now...*DOINK*	Umm... It helps me to think...now what was your name? And I thought you spoke a different language...

 

Gotta love the big breasted Fairies by MetalZombie 1-28-04
I am...Grizzlebee! What?! What kind of name is...Grizzlebee?!	Silence! Now sit in that trashcan and I will tell you a story! Oh boy, does it have big breasted Fairies in it?	*Insert wavy flashback sounds here* Yes, yes it does. Now come back in time with me, Omar! Woo...everything is spinny!

 

The Ambiguously Gay Flashback by MetalZombie 1-28-04
"There I was when I was a child..." "You don't look any different..." "Shut up, you killed me at a young age!" Son, you must remember the proper use of your horns in foreplay! Oh yay! Are you going to teach me?	"Ooh, look! It's the Fairies!" "*cough* Moving along..." "No, I wanna stay!" *tee-hee* Let's have Fairy sex! *giggle giggle* Okay! Let me just take my shirt off!	"And this was me when I got my first job." "OMG it's Osmond! That's so gross!" "I never said I was proud of it..." A job? Sure, I'll take it! All right, lube up those horns, honey!

 

Poor Grizzlebee... by MetalZombie 1-28-04
"OMG that is so wrong." "Relax, I got fired AND arrested after this catfight." Hey, I'm the one getting paid here! No! Me sucky sucky!	"And here I am in prison! The worst days of my life!" "Does that stool go everywhere with you?" "Shutup" Hey sexy, I can guess what you were in for... I-I-I-I-I.........God help me...	"And after I got out I started speaking Gibberish and...are you watching the Fairies again?" "Umm, no. They're not cool anymore. What Fairies? Go away! Fairies..." Wow! That was fun! Yeah! Let's go play naked Twister!

 

The End of the Flashback by MetalZombie 1-28-04
"And here we are when we first met!" "Am I really that fat?" "Yes" "That hurts me...on the inside" Okay,so we got hired for a new comicstrip by an undead guy? NYEEEEEH!!	And thus, we end our journey! Okay, so what was the point of that?	...Uh oh... There you are, baby! I've been waiting for you! And look at that glorious position you're in!

 

Marx meets Grizzlebee by MetalZombie 1-29-04
*gasp!* It' the Robot that killed me! *gasp!* It's...I don't know what it is!	Don't you remember? I'm the one you killed! So if you're dead then...	ACK!! That's not funny!! *z00000000000t!!*

 

I'm running out of ideas! by MetalZombie 1-29-04
So yeah, I'm stopping the continuation with Grizzlebee. I have another idea! Really? What is it?	"SHAZAM! Dinosaurs!" "You stole that idea from MechaV!" I say, George, these 12 hour work days are teh s_uck! I don't belong here! My name's not George! Who are you? Get me the hell out of here!	"Fine then, we'll fill this last thread with Fairy sex." "FORSH!!" You're too little to have sex with! Yeah, that's what your boyfriend said before he was sent to the hospital!

 

Marx Falls in Love by MetalZombie 1-29-04
Welcome to Chicken 'N Fish, can I take your- DAMN! Hey there, handsome!	So, uhh, can I take your order, or sexy machine? Or maybe your virginity? *gasp!* How did you know?!	I have a way of knowing these things... Come with me, and prove that you're more than just a sack of nuts and bolts!

 

...Or not... by MetalZombie 1-29-04
Ooh yeah, that's the way! Oh, you're so good!	Go Marx, go!! All right! Wait, WTF?!	Aww, why'd you quit? You were doing so good! OMFG you're the guy that hammered Omar!!

 

Abuse of Powers by MetalZombie 1-29-04
Yup... *doink* Yep...		MZ: "BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!" AGH!! OMG WTF STFU!!

 

Burning upon Re-entry by MetalZombie 1-29-04
Ladies and gentlemen, meet my friend and fellow author, Jimi! Yo Brett!	So tell me Jimi, why are you wearing that suit? Well, we're falling from the sky at 1990876987 miles per hour, and without one, I would burn up!	OMFG I just combusted into flames!! Haha, that's because you're not wearing a suit!

 

You're not my Penguin! by MetalZombie 1-29-04
So I told her that I was feeling...Wait... Brkaw?	Something's wrong here... ...Cockadoodle?	YOU'RE NOT MY PENGUIN MINION!!!! BAWKBAWKBAWK!!!!!!

 

OMG Mr. Penguin Minion! by MetalZombie 1-29-04
COME BACK HERE! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY PENGUIN?! BRKAW CAW KAKAW!!	Meanwhile... Woo-hoo! This is great weed! SNARGLE-POFF!!	Wait...I'm not stoned! Where am I?! Welcome to...THE VOID, Mr. Penguin Minion! BWAHAHA!!

 

THE VOID!! by MetalZombie 1-29-04
So what do you think of the Void, Mr. Penguin Minion? You want me to be honest with you?	... This place sucks! There's nothing to do! Now why did you bring me here?	Oh, no reason. Fine, if you don't like it, I'll take you back... Well this was pointless...

 

More fire! by MetalZombie 1-29-04
Brett! I have returned! There you are, my Minion Penguin! Where have you been?	I went to the Void! Really? What was it like?	It was...AGH!! Woo-hoo! I never get enough of that!

 

Omar's Job by MetalZombie 1-29-04
This job sucks, Omar... Yeah, and we haven't been in the last few strips!	You know, you never have told me your job... Oh crap, he wants to know...	"Well, umm...I'm a Scientist!" "Yeah fracking right!" So you're saying that if I go in, I'll turn into a big breasted Fairy? Err, umm...yeah!

 

Omar's REAL Job by MetalZombie 1-29-04
Tell the truth, dude! Fine, fine, all right!	"I'm a Zoologist!" "That's not true either!" Do I REALLY have to shove my hand up it's ass?! Mreow?	"All right! I give up! I don't have a job! I just frolic in the grass all day with Garbanzo!" "That sounds more accurate!" Now shove me down the hill in this trashcan! Okay!

 

No Punchline by MetalZombie 1-29-04
*whistle* *doink*		What, were you expecting a joke? *doink*

 

Fight Fire with...z00t? by MetalZombie 1-29-04
*whistle* Yup...	Robot Burn Power!! *z0000000t!!*	I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, MARX!!!! BLAGHABOMBOTU!!!

 

Mature pr0n by MetalZombie 1-29-04
My, what a fine young piece of ass! *doink*	Hey there young man! Think you can handle a wild woman like me? ...Umm...	"Let me show you what I can do!" Oh my lord! MY EYES!! AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!

 

Burning Hippy! by MetalZombie 1-29-04
Whoa, it's a hippy! Save the jellyfish!	What's a hippy doing down here in the bottom of the ocean? People like you are the reason that we have people who kill cute innocent jellyfish!	Look! Even underwater, the hippy burns!! AGH OMG HOW THAT POSSIBLE?!

 

This comic sucks because there's no punchline. by MetalZombie 1-29-04
The restroom is over there if you're wondering... Oh thank you!!	*sigh*...just another day... Outta the way!	What, were you expecting something...FUNNY to happen? Yeah right! *yawn* Yee-up, another boring day at work...Nothing happening at all...

 

Running naked through the grass by MetalZombie 1-29-04
Hey Garbanzo, wanna go running naked through the fields and roll in the grass? Here in the public park? SURE!	Okay, let's take our clothes off right here! Yay! We're gonna become nudists!	*CENSORED* There's a good and a bad kind of forsh. THIS is the bad kind. Wow, you're bigger than I am! Enough staring, let's frolic in the buff!

 

To make up for the lack of punchline in the other... by MetalZombie 1-29-04
*sigh* That robot's been in the bathroom for a long time now...	*yawn*... YARG!!!!!	When does this day end? So boring... OMG!! The bathroom exploded! The robot is dead!

 

God will smite me for this one... by MetalZombie 1-29-04
In a church somewhere... Now then, let us all pray...	Dear lord, thank you for this day... Oh wait, this isn't a strip club is it?	SINNERS!! HOW DARE YOU BRING SUCH LANGUAGE INTO THIS HOLY PLACE!! Crap, dude, this is a church!! That must explain why the whores are dressed like nuns tonight!!

 

BBQ Moon Squirrels by MetalZombie 1-29-04
Chirup? Chirup Chirup Chirup!	Chi- RAGH!!!!!!!! CHIP CHITTER?!	CHIRAGH!!!!!! *z000000t!!* Woo-hoo! BBQ Squirrels on the moon!

 

The meaning of life! by MetalZombie 1-29-04
A-ha! So what's what bras are for! Yup! That's right!	Now I know the meaning of life! *tee-hee!*	THE END!! So, umm, how about some forsh, o big breasted Fairy that taught me the meaning of life? *giggle giggle* No!

 

What to do when Reality shatters by MetalZombie 1-30-04
*Shortly after Reality was shattered by a discussion on what a labia is...* Way to go, Garbanzo, you shattered Reality... Whaddya mean? You helped me!	Fine then, WE shattered Reality... Yeah. So...now what?	Yay! Forsh? Sure, why not?

 

The Cure to all problems by MetalZombie 1-30-04
Why Evil Red Robot, what is the matter? I hate people! Why wont they leave me alone?	Aww, cheer up! I know just what you need! Really? What's that, Marx?	*SUPER z0000t!!* AAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!!!

 

The Drunkship of Lanterns by MetalZombie 1-30-04
You've got the lot to burn...A shelf of pig smothered cries...Is there a spirit that spits upon the exit of signs? What?	Is anybody there?! These steps keep on growing long! Bayonet trials! Rust propellers await! What is he saying?	Note: Listen to The Mars Volta's "Drunkship of Lanterns" and you might understand...or become more confused... NO! Nobody is heard! Rowing sheep smiles for the dead! Nobody is heard! An antiquated home... AGH!! MY MIND CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE!!!!

 

Shapeshifting Spector by MetalZombie 1-30-04
BUGABOO!! ...WTF?	I am a Shapeshifing Spector! Do I scare you? Look, I'm kind of busy right now, can you come back later?	BOO!! YEEP!

 

*doink* by MetalZombie 1-30-04
...And that's why I decided to become a nudist! That's cool, but umm, you never DID wear clothes...	...Oh, well, umm...you have a point... Forsooth and verily.	Meanwhile... hmm... *doink*

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