All comics by Safety_Donkey

Profile

 

by Safety_Donkey
4-11-03
Good evening, readers! I'm SafetyDonkey!
I'm here to make sure stripcreator.com does not pose a hazard to itself or anyone else!
This background is unsafe. Pure white backgrounds distract and dazzle planes overhead.

 

by Safety_Donkey
4-11-03
Well, here I go! Off to make sure Stripcreator's a safe place for everyone to have fun!
Hello, what's this?
*baaaarp!* Hey SD!
Sir! Did you realise drinking gasoline in a National Park carries...oh! Too late!
NAIEEE!

 

by Safety_Donkey
4-11-03
You know readers, the publicity of safe behavior is a hard, unappreciated game.
if it wasn't for me...
Millions of fuckwads would be drinking McDonald's coffee and burning themselves right now!

 

by Safety_Donkey
4-11-03
First stop: the Big City! Lots of work here!
Fast food! You know you want it!
Mmm, yeah! I could certainly go for a bucket of Kentucky Fried Oats about now!
Yo, Pink Holmes, this is all 100% British feed. You will like, taste the British class. And the spinal cord!
AAAGH!
That dude ain't right! I be eatin this shizzat for years and quark fizzigog netherlands my brain-pan!

 

by Safety_Donkey
4-11-03
You there! I know EXACTLY what you're thinking and it is UNSAFE!
So what? Are you going to arrest me for thought crime or something?
Not unless you're sure to use a Nine Inch Nail! And be sure to hit all the way into the brain stem! Under Regulation 8670...
Hey! Don't you think I know about the Reznor Directive? Watch this! Closer To God!

 

by Safety_Donkey
4-11-03
Well met, sirrah!
My liege! What news of thy ailment, prithee?
Verily, I wish I could cast my balls of this affliction as easily as the French harlot that hath laid itch to me nutsack
A Pox on the French! A pox on on my Lord's balls!
Excuse me but cursing the Royal genitals was prohibited under the 173 Acte Againste Ye Poxe and Scurvye! I'd like to speak to your Royale line manager, sirrah!
Indeed this ass doth make a fool of us both!

 

by Safety_Donkey
4-11-03
Mmm...salty beer...
Boorite!
What?
Is that an unsafely insulated electrical cord in your underwear or are you just pleased to see me down here?
Neither. It's the feedline to my SCUBA gear. *PSHHT!* Is it safe for donkeys to breathe underwater?*PSHHHT!*
You know... I...AAAGH!

 

by Safety_Donkey
4-11-03
Mmm...salty beer...
Boorite!
What?
Is that an unsafely insulated electrical cord in your underwear or are you just pleased to see me down here?
Neither. It's the feedline to my SCUBA gear. *PSHHT!* Is it safe for donkeys to breathe underwater?*PSHHHT!*
You know... I...AAAGH!

 

by Safety_Donkey
4-11-03
*snigger!* SafetyDonkey's gonna be so pissed off with us!
He he eh! I just ate a British beef brain in his kid's bedroom!
Shh! here he comes!
Heh heh!

 

by Safety_Donkey
4-11-03
*clip clop*
*clip clop*
Is it safe?
GNNNGH!

 

by Safety_Donkey
4-11-03
*clip clop*
*clip clop*
Is it safe?
GNNNGH!

 

by Safety_Donkey
5-06-03
Hi readers! I've applied to be a sidekick to a superhero! I'm so excited!
Have no fear! Captain Adequate is here!
Wow! Hi Captain! You look awfully familiar!
Ha ha! I get that a lot! Step this way, as we fight only enough crime as is necessary!

 

by Safety_Donkey
5-06-03
So exactly what kind of powers do you have Safety Donkey?
Oh! Well none, really. I just try and make sure things are safe, that's all
Aha! Unglamourous but a necessary and effective talent. Adequate enough, my new sidekick!
Awesome!
Wait! My powers of Adequacy tell me that it is time to fight some crime in an unspectacular but efficient manner! Adequacy AWAY!
ISO 9000!

 

by Safety_Donkey
5-06-03
My... Adequacy Powers... tell me... some people... in Australia ...are being held against their will!
Cripes! Are they safe? Who's holding them?
Whoah there, fella! My powers only tell me enough information as is absolutely necessary.
Oh...I guess you're going to use your powers to fly us over there now, eh?
Sort of. As we speak, a no-frills Quantas flight is waiting for us at the airport You're in the cargo hold. See you in 22 hours!
Oh God! Well, at least we're not flying Aeroflot!

 

by Safety_Donkey
5-06-03
Int: Airport. The Captain and Safety Donkey take a budget flight...into destiny...
*mmph*! So you and Captain Obvious are related?
Yeah, he's my half-cousin, once removed. We don't get on.
*mmph*...Why not, Captain?
I give him a perfectly adequate pair of socks each Christmas. He points out that I'm unimaginative. Git.
*mmph* Captain, I think I'm suffocating down here, how much farther is it?
We haven't left the runway yet, Donkey.

 

by Safety_Donkey
5-06-03
Brr! It's dark, cramped and freezing! Highly unsafe! What was the Captain thinking?
AAAGH! What are you?
Gnnf...I'm Safety Donkey! I'm Captain Adequate's sidekick. Who are you?
I'm an asylum seeker! I'm fleeing bigoted old Blighty for the warm friendly shores of Australia!
Oh you sucker!...In 30 seconds...if Pauline Hanson offers you dinner: refuse politely!

 

by Safety_Donkey
5-08-03
Our heroes arrive in Australia...
You're lucky you stayed in the hold during our stopover in Thailand, SD, the 5 star hotel was...SD?
Oh! You've frozen to the undercarraige. I'll just thaw you out with my Adequate Warmth Vision...
S-s-so c-c-cold! B-b-barely luke-w-warm!
Adequate enough to get you back on your hooves. You'll get the feling back in them after a few miles walk...

 

by Safety_Donkey
5-08-03
The Australian Outback, some hours later...
AAAGH! I'm getting sunburn! And AAAGH! There's dangerous creatures everywhere!
Relax SD, I've afforded us adequate protection against both skin cancer and drunken footy fans.
Yeah, but do they have to smell like dingo shit? This power can't be safe at all!
Um, SD I'm not using my...WAIT!
What's wrong, Captain Adequate?
My powers!...Telling me...we're in danger! Can't...be...any...more...specific!

 

by Safety_Donkey
5-08-03
Freeze ya do-gooding gimps!
Kangaroo Jack! I might have known!
You wouldn't know walleroo dung if you stepped in it, Captain InAdequate!
You've won for now, Jack, but I'll still defeat you, in an unimpressive yet effective way!
When will you learn? You have to be exceptional to beat a super-villain!. Mwa-ha-ha !
Oh! So what's your so-called power, Jack? Having an AK-47? Really fair dinkum exceptional! Wanker!

 

by Safety_Donkey
5-08-03
Shut up Adequate! You have no idea what it's like to be the smartest marsupial alive!
If it's any help, I know what it's like to be a talking pink donkey!
And who in Greg Norman's dirtbox are you?
I'm…erm..I-I'm S-S-Safety Donkey! I'm Captain Adequate's trusty s-s-sidekick!
Make that two more hostages for my ransom bid of a jillion dollars Australian!
AAAGH! Please don't call the Russians in to negotiate!

 

by Safety_Donkey
5-08-03
Boh! This is neither safe nor adequate, Captain! What do we do now?
Relax, SD. While Kangaroo Jack was talking to you, I used my Adequate Powers to make him reveal his plans.
Really?! What did you find out?
First, that he's ransoming us for a jillion dollars Australian.
Aaaaand…?
That's about it. Oh! Something to do with shooting us if he doesn't get his money.

 

by Safety_Donkey
5-30-03
Dexx! Not you too?
Yeah I know. I only went to the shops for some beer and I get bloody kidnapped!
I'm worried! Captain Adequate is seeming less and less like a super hero all the while.
Relax. I've got just enough charge on my cellphone to make one local phone call...
Hey! dcomposed! We've been kidnapped, phone for the state police! Oi WILL! ANSWER THE BLOODY PHONE!
ZZZZ....

 

by Safety_Donkey
5-30-03
Right, I'm told that Stripcreator regulars aren't worth used sheepdip, so I'm killing the whole bloody lot of you!
Oh No! I'm going to die! I'm not cut out to be a sidekick! What was I thinking?
Captain, help! I'm not cut out to be your sidekick!
Sure you are! Being safe isn't glamorous, but you're *super* safe, and that makes you one of a kind!
I...suppose I am. How many talking purple donkeys can quote all 32 volumes of the ISO 9000?
That's the spirit SD! Now, use your powers to distract Kangaroo Jack while I *just about* foil his evil scheme!

 

by Safety_Donkey
5-30-03
Prepare to die losers!
What the...?
The safety catch has jammed!
Ha ha HAA!

 

by Safety_Donkey
5-30-03
Good work Safety Donkey! Now, Kangaroo Jack, prepare to have your tail kicked, Adequate style!
Uh-oh!
For the ordinary man! Take THAT!
OOYARGH!
You kicked him in the balls?
Simplicity is the sweetest way. Besides, have you seen the size of a kangaroo's unit? I couldn't miss.

 

by Safety_Donkey
5-30-03
Wow! I guess my Safety powers saved the day after all!
I told you! Being safe is one of the greatest gifts of all!
Come on, I'll fly us home with my Adequate Flight Powers!
You can fly now?
Always could. Just not much faster than 30 miles an hour!

 

by Safety_Donkey
8-07-03
Hello readers! Now that summer is here, it's more important to use plenty of sun block!
But this is Australia. It's winter here right now.
Oh...
And another thing, how did you get into my office?

 

by Safety_Donkey
8-31-03
Here is an important saftety announcement!
I am not to be used as a flotation aid.
Nor am I to be taken internally!

 

by Safety_Donkey
10-07-03
Hello everyone! I'm acting as a safe role-model for one of the new characters. Say! here comes Big Evil Dan...
The elephant and I are going to a remote island to train up the new hero characters.
Really? How are you going to get there?
I'm taking a jumbo.

 

by Safety_Donkey
1-22-04
As the war in space ended...
Quack?
The war on boinky33 was beginning...
I keep telling you! Ralph Nader is ALIVE!
Shut up, gaywad! You're such a gaywad, you went to Wadham college, Oxford!
You fucking what, little man?
Yeah, you heard me! If you did karate it would be Wado-Ryu style! And you'd eat wadded beef for dinner, ya nosewad! ++BLEEP!++

 

by Safety_Donkey
1-24-04
boinky33 is still being held captive
What is it now? Are you going to give me another cavity search with your nightstick?
For the 9th time, NO!
Awww....
*urgh*...Listen, your lawyer is here to see you
Johnnie Cochrane?

 

by Safety_Donkey
1-24-04
What the fuck is going on?
You, or rather, your ass, is the only thing stopping the robots from ultimate victory over Earth Force!
You WHAT?
Shh!...Let me explain...
Meanwhile...
AAAH! Mecha-Tobor!

 

by Safety_Donkey
2-28-04
Do you have that photgraph I requested a reprint of, boy?
Yessir, Mr. Heston, twice normal size, just like you said...
What? You MANIAC! YOU BLEW IT UP!
DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

 

by Safety_Donkey
2-28-04
Look, Sally! It's Charton Heston!
Do you like my new balloon, Mr. Heston?
Balloon?
I inflated it myself.
You MANIAC! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

 

by Safety_Donkey
2-28-04
What in the hell are you bastards doin' on mah property?
We're from Changing Rooms, Mr. Heston, and we've given your home a makeover!
What the...?
As you can see, we've gone for aquamarine and gooseberry in the hallway, and if you'll step through to the bedroom...
You MANIACS! You BLUE it up! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

 

by Safety_Donkey
2-28-04
Have you crazies finished wallpaperin' mah bedroom back the way it was yet, boy?
Uh, no sir, Mr. Heston
Why in the name of the NRA not?
Well, we can't decide how to attatch the wallpaper to the wall. We were thinking of using push pins...
You MANIACS! You GLUE IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

 

by Safety_Donkey
2-28-04
Finally, got this place lookin' less queer and more steer, Lydia.
Yes, dear.
Did you like that moose fricassee I made us for dinner?
I'm sorry dear, but it really disagreed with me...I'm sorry about the mess in the bathroom
You MANIAC! You THREW it up! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

 

by Safety_Donkey
2-28-04
Where are you going, dear?
I can't stand all these goddamn irritations. I'm going for a walk.
What is it, ya little turd-viper?
Please, Mr. Heston, I've..I've got a loose shoelace and...
You MANIAC! You DO it up! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

 

by Safety_Donkey
2-28-04
This frakkin' day can't get any...oh no! A LIBERAL!
Ah, Mr. Heston. You like the right to bear arms don't you?
Hell yeah, sonny! It's my constitutional right!
Not any more. We finally found the perfect wording for the bill to repeal the 2nd amendment once and for all!
You MANIACS! You DREW it up! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

 

by Safety_Donkey
2-28-04
Ah, the great American country. Clean livin', fresh air, and no-one nor nothin' to spoil it.
Moo.
What...did...you...say?
Moo!
You MANIAC! You MOO'd it up! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

 

by Safety_Donkey
5-07-04
Hey you! You're too dunk to operate that arc welder.
Am not...watch this...
AAAGH!
Oops!!
Now how are we going to rebuild the orphanage in time?
Don't look at me, I'm just an elephant. An elephant who hates orphans and being looked at.

 

by Safety_Donkey
2-05-05
Hello readers! Today I'll be presenting a Health and Safety video!
Although my co-presenter is a little...recalcitrant...
Pah! Le pompt du chopping le fingers d'un junior soux chef, le community service order! L'Health un Safetey bois de cheval-cock!

 

by Safety_Donkey
10-02-05
I just saw one of those "Fair Trade is Not Fair" posters; apparently it's not free trade at all.
It's true! FairTrade is less fair than you would think!
Then what the fuck have I been doing paying £2 for a jar of "Fair Trade" coffee? At least with battery farming there's no pretense at being nice!
Uh, that''s different, free range eggs are...
I might as well INSIST my green beans are shipped from Antarctica by a Hummer fuelled by war diamonds and driven by a Brazillian street orphan!
What you said is wronger than X Factor, but I see where you're going with your point. To Hell.

 

by Safety_Donkey
4-12-17
Hello readers! In order for my alter ego to stay safe and get fired, I'll be presenting these real life tales of office banter!
So let's introduce our characters, whose names have not been changed to protect the innocent.

 

We're back! ISO 9001!
Mind the gap!
by Safety_Donkey, 2-27-23

 

by Safety_Donkey
3-05-23
Here, we see a man, encased in a concrete block.
*glub*
Watch what happens when some diesel and cemtex is applied!
*aaagh!*
Now there was no need , for that to happen!

 

by Safety_Donkey
3-08-23
Hooray! What can I make more safe today?
You could start with this document control system.
I just see a stack of boxes of paper. Isn't this a quality control issue?
Not if I...
Oh no! NOO!
Spontaneously combust!

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