All comics by Spark_Of_Life

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by Spark_Of_Life
12-29-15
Dammit Jared. What did you do with my cocaine?
You mean that white powdery stuff I put in my coffe wasn't sugar?
No.
No wonder I'm so wired.
By the way, did you make those brownies for that grade school fundraiser downstairs?
So, to be clear, that huge bag of powdery stuff WASN'T sugar...

 

by Spark_Of_Life
12-29-15
Chen, these violent outbursts simply CANNOT keep happening.
But I can't help it. Expositional dialouge makes me rage.
By the way, how is your estranged brother you haven't seen in twenty years because of your fallout over a girl in high school?
Ow...
I WARNED you!

 

by Spark_Of_Life
12-29-15
Kyler, I REALLY need you to get those reports done.
What reports?
The Madsen report? He's running for mayor. We've been taking about it for like three weeks.
What weeks?
Are you feeling ok?
Where am I?

 

by Spark_Of_Life
12-29-15
You ready to go jogging?
Can't, I have more important things to do.
Suit yourself. See ya.
See ya.
WELCOME TO THE JOGGING SHOW! TODAY, WE'LL BE DISCUSSING TECHNIQUES TO EXTEND YOUR ENDURANCE!

 

by Spark_Of_Life
12-29-15
I was so bored, Atomiclunch, that I read every comic you have ever made.
Really? Thank you!
I probably would have laughed at one of them if my IQ was lower.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
12-30-15
Julia, this really isn't working out. You need to stop calling me.
Muy bien, hijo de puta.
...huh? What does that mean?
I just started taking a Spanish class. It means "Ok, but never forget I love you".
Oh, Julia, I CAN'T live without you! Let's get back together!
OK, but promise me one thing: you'll NEVER learn Spanish.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
12-30-15
Ok, I barricaded the door. There's no way the killer can get in.
Cough.
Hold on, let me finish this chapter. Then i'll be right over.
Hey, the main artery is the Carotid, right?

 

by Spark_Of_Life
12-30-15
All right, off of the ship with you. You're going to see Supreme Laudis.
My liege, I have brought you a prsio...AAAGGGHH!
Are you blind? This is not the prisoner I asked for.
You mean Sparky?
Hey, it gets lonely on Mars.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
12-30-15
Sarah? I know you're in there.
Why won't you come out? All I want to do is take you to a movie. It'll be cinemAZING.
You don't like my puns, do you? Is that why you won't come out?
*lock*

 

by Spark_Of_Life
12-31-15
You say you know something about the crime?
Yes, officer. I was buying some gluten-free essence of lavender oil when the killer came out.
And then...?
He went up right behind that poor man and slit his throat. I nearly puked, it was so horrible.
Wait... so why are you still here?
Samples. Human blood is WAY more natural than ranch dressing

 

by Spark_Of_Life
12-31-15
Hey kids! I'm Will Wigwam, and today, we'll be visting a battlefield!
Look kids, it's Solider Mike! Say hi to the kids, Solider Mike!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, WILL? GET OUT! IT'S DANGEROUS!
Don't worry, kids. Soldier Mike is just having a bad day.
AAAUUUGGGHHH!

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-02-16
Boy, that Frank sure can get work done around here.
What is it?
Yeah. In fact, we have a nickname for him when he works that hard.
"Frank on a Roll"

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-02-16
And here, folks, you'll see Atomiclunch, the most fraudulent mofo in this entire galaxy.
We keep him in here because SOMONE needs to save the gene pool from his DNA.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-02-16
How do I get this job, Gloria?
It's simple! Just be up front and don't lie about anything.
Ah, yes, Applicant #3. Why should I give you the job of being my secretary?
So I can tell you that that sweatshirt/jeans combination makes you look like a pedophilic gym teacher.
...and the next thing I knew, I was being hauled away by security guards.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-02-16
Why shuldn't you eat gyros? 'Cause they're covered in Greece!
I know you're there. I can hear you breathing.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-03-16
Chris, since you're not Catholic, we'll have to have your wedding without eucharist.
Yo, Chris-o, what's wrong? It's your wedding day! You should be happy!
How can they have the wedding without me?

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-03-16
Ok... I got the grill al heated up. Do you have the deer heart?
Oh... shit.
What's wrong?
You know how we bought that deer heart in 'Frisco at that butcher shop?
Yeah...
I think i left my heart in San Fransisco.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-04-16
Hey there, you sexy thing. How about you come over... me?
Sir, I'm in the Secret Service and have a walkie talkie that can summon 250 armed agents, 10 helicopters, and a tank. So you'll shut up if you know what's good fro you.
I love it when you play hard to get.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-04-16
January 1st, 2016... New Years Resolutions
My resolution this year is to lose weight and buy nicer clothes!
December 31st, 2016... expectations
Good God girl, you're so fucking sexy! Let's make love right here, right now!
December 31st, 2016... reality
Thank you for choosing Jimmy John's. That'll be $22.67.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-05-16
Fergalicious defenition make them boys go loco...
Man, turn this shit off! You know I hate Fergie!
Well I LIKE her music!
They want my treasure so they get their pleasures from my photo...
You wanna go, Bro?
Yeah, I wanna GO!
January 5th, 2045...
JOHNSON! SING OUR WAR CRY!
FERGALICIOUS DEFENITION MAKE THEM BOYS GO LOCO...

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-06-16
We need to spice things up.
Don't worry, I have the perfect idea. I heard it on Urban Dictionary.
Urban Dictionary...? Isn't that website full of phrases that no one actually uses that everyone writes down because they want attention?
No. Listen, I'm talking about the Weenie Beenie. It's were you pour pork and beans down your vag, we have sex, and then you lick the stuff off my dick.
That sounds unsanitary.
In this case, the word "pork" is figurative AND literal.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-06-16
Phreaky and Drexle have all the fun when they have sex. I want in on it.
I geuss we'll have to outdo them. I'll go check Urban Dictionary.
Fifteen minutes later...
Any luck?
There's this thing called the "Nookie Cookie". It's were we cover ourselves in melted chocolate and we we get a third person to lie between us and we cum all over them.
...then we have a three way until we resemble a giant, melted Oreo.
Count me in.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-07-16
Adrian Lockwood?
Yes, that's me, honey.
Well, great! How're ya doin'? Nice weather we're having, huh? Say, that's a neat-o vest!
Is there a reason you're being so freindly?
The boss complained that I was too grim. I'm the Scmoozy Reaper now.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-08-16
Welcome to Whitebread's House of Squares. How can I help you?
I'm not here to buy anything, man. I'm here to protest.
Protest what?
Corporate America. Facless companies like yours sell cheap products that the Chinese make. Then you sell them at 10X what they're worth. It really makes me sick.
Say, that's a cool shirt. Where'd you get it?
Wallmart.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-11-16
Good news, Rosie! I've heard how lonely you've been, so I got you a boyfreind!
I am very greatful.
Wow, you're really metalicious. How about I put my nut in your bolt?
Only if you oil me first.
A few months later...
I heard the news! What is the baby going to be?
A Roomba!

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-11-16
Pardon me, laddie. Is this the way to the "Best Bagpiper in Old Scotland" contest?
Sir, this is a golf course. Please leave.
HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY MOTHER COUNTRY! PREPARE TO DIE, GOLLYWOG!
Sir...
Thanks, Vishram. Shit like this comes up all the time.
All I had to do was mention was that his kilt didn't match his breeches.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-11-16
Hey there, sexy. Does the the carpet match the drapes?
Yeah! As a matter of fact, both the drapes AND the carpet are a shade of blue!
...oh, wait. Was that a double entendre?
Shut up. I'm playing Fallout 4.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-13-16
When shall we two meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
Three? But there's only two of us here.
Yes. Well, you see, we can't fit three of us into one panel.
Right...right... where were we? Oh yes... There to meet with... MACBETH!
Fair is foul, and foul is fair. Hover through the fog and filthy air....
That still dosen't have the same ring to it as "Beautiful is dirty, and dirty is beautiful"

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-13-16
A battlefield...
What bloody man is that?
Even though I'm dying, I somehow still have the energy to tell you that Macbeth and Banquo are heroes.
Hey, Lennox, did we win that war?
Yeah, and the Thane of Cawdor was backstabbing bastard, and shall be put to death very quickly.
What he hath lost, noble Macbeth hath won.
Yeah, and there's NO WAY he'll ever turn on you.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-13-16
All hail Macbeth, thou shalt be King hereafter!
Wait, I can't be King! Duncan's still alive!
You shall be King.
That can't be right.
Hey Macbeth, the Thane of Glamis is dead. You're thane now.
Oh goody!

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-16-16
Macbeth's Castle...
Is execution done on Cawdor? Are not those in comission yet return'd?
Yeah, he's dead. I can't believe you trusted that guy.
O worthiest cousin! The sin of my ingratitude even now weighs heavy upon me!
I did it all for you, Duncan. Come in! Make yourself at home.
Nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong here!
You can say that again!

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-16-16
So, husband, I hear the witches told you that you would be king. You know what that means.
We let him go? By the way, he's here tonight.
And when goes hence?
To-morrow, as he purposes.
Well, then we have to kill him before he leaves. Then you'll be King.
Right-o!

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-17-16
This castle hath a pleasent seat. The air nimbly and sweetly recommends itself Unto a gentle senses.
Yes, father, we know the Macbeths use tons of Febreeze. Just keep walking.
All our service, In every point twice done and then done double, Were poor and single business to contend against those honors deep and broad wherewith Your majesty loads our house.
You're welcome!
Say, is that Black Pudding and Blood Sausage?
Of course. We make them ourselves out of our dead enemies.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-17-16
Okay, Macky, you got this. All you need to do is kill the King that holds you in high regard.
How now! What news?
He has almost supped. Why have you left the chamber?
You have to go kill him! I know you're scared, but just GO!
Fine.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-18-16
You OK, Banquo?
All's well. I dreamnt last night of the three weird sisters, to you they have show'd some truth.
Well, good repose the while!
Thanks, sir, the like to you!
Is that a dagger which I see before me, the handle toward my hand?
Calm down, my lord. It's just me, the castle butcher.

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-18-16
I have done the deed. Didst thou not hear a noise?
The only sound I'm hearing is the whining of my insufferable husband.
One cried "God bless us!" and "Amen!" the other.
Consider it not so deeply.
Okay, now we need to get away before anyone finds out.
Right-o!

 

by Spark_Of_Life
1-18-16
Were it so late, friend, ere you went to bed , That you do lie so late?
Sheesh, dude. All I was doing was drinking heavily.
O horror, horror, horror! Tounge nor heart Cannot concieve a name for thee!
What happened?
Oh, Malcolm, King Duncan has been killed!
What?

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