All comics by TheASSist

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by TheASSist
7-31-08
What seems to be the problem, officer?
Do you know how fast you were going?
But I was walking.
My radar clocked you going 2 m.p.h. in a 1 m.p.h. zone.
Alright. I'll amend it to "Failure to yield to a turtle."

 

by TheASSist
7-31-08
Welcome STAR SEARCH ALUMNI!
Sir! There's this little hole in the levy. Water is going to gush in and flood the factory!
Quick, plug that dike! We have celebrities in the buiding!
Welcome STAR SEARCH ALUMNI!
Hey, Aren't you Rosie O'Donnel?
Wrong dyke.

 

by TheASSist
7-31-08
This just in, men who accidently look at gay pictures may turn gay themselves.
With us now is 101 year old, Maggi Crustyone.
Mrs. Crustyone, tell us what happened to your husband.
My hubby was so macho...until (sob) he told me he wanted pictures of Liberace on the bedroom wall.
Are you saying just looking at a picture of Liberace made your husband turn gay? Is that why you're upset?
No. I caught him fucking the corpse.

 

by TheASSist
7-31-08
Oh Father! It hurts! It Hurts!
I burned my lips blowing up the consulate's car.
You fool!
You must apply a generous amount of chapstick first!

 

by TheASSist
7-31-08
Ya see, you need to fill in the blanks with numbers one through nine without duplicating any within a row or grid.
I still don't get it.
Listen you idiot! Nine numbers! No duplication! Get it?
Hey! I don't care. I'm more of a cross word kinda guy!
Bah! I'll show him! ROBOT GUARD! I need a seven letter word for anal rape that fits in with prison reform.
Tobor prefer anal word search.

 

by TheASSist
8-04-08
Good bye class. Have a nice weekend!
Miss Bliss, you FORGOT to give us homework.
Johnny, Johnny, Johnny. Tsk-tsk!
How many times must I hold you down so the rest of the class can buttfuck you?

 

by TheASSist
11-06-08
Ladies & gentlemen; The 44th Nigger of the United States of America.
It is with great respect that I relinquish the title of Nigger from Nigger Bush.
And I can only hope to someday match the Nigger contributions pf past Niggers.
Great Niggers... such as Nigger Clinton, Nigger Kennedy, even Vice-Nigger Al Gore.
Remember! You may not agree with your Nigger, but you must respect the office and institution of the Nigger.
WORD!

 

by TheASSist
11-06-08
Okay...Stanley! Most people are convinced that you are not real, and that I am crazy for having an imaginary friend.
I swear..if one more person tells me that, I'm gonna snap!All I need is an excuse.
What do you mean, "you're not real?"

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