All comics by ambulancedriver

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by ambulancedriver
1-16-03
Yo! I have come to deliver a message or, um, something.
Gnarly.
Dude, we totally do.
Um... It says here you think I'm gay.
That's not cool, man.
Your fucking mother.

 

by ambulancedriver
1-16-03
Doot doo doo doot, doo doo doot doo doo doo.
Doo doo doot, doo doo doot, doo doo doot doo, doot doo.
Are you going to kill me or what?
After I have finished singing the Trigun song.
Ah.

 

by ambulancedriver
1-17-03
Time travel is weird.
Wait, I think it's coming!... No, that ain't it.

 

by ambulancedriver
1-17-03
Boo! OOO!
Ooooooo! Booooo! Moooaaan!
Boooooo! OoOoOoOo! BOOO! Possess your soul! OOOOO!
God, dude, you've been following me around for like three days. It's not scary anymore.

 

by ambulancedriver
1-18-03
Mr. Goat, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?
I don't have any fingers.
Oh.
With which to hold the Tootsie Pop.
Yeah, I got it. I'll see you later then.
Think you're better than me 'cause you got fingers. You ain't better than me.

 

by ambulancedriver
1-19-03
Yar and things! How would you like to join me crew of... you know, pirates? Yar.
See, the thing is, I kind of like having two hands.
OOO, sissy baby wussy pants needs his TWO hands! He probably wants two eyes too! Yar.

 

by ambulancedriver
4-15-03
THE SOUTH SHALL--
Shut up, wait, I think I hear something.
Hold on. Let me go check.
Moments later...
That is possitively uber bitchin'!
Ooo! It would seem Baskin Robbins is giving away ice cream over here.

 

by ambulancedriver
4-15-03
Live from Iraq.
This comic has both some totally witty political commentary and a zombie. WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY ASK FOR?! AHAHAHHAAHAAHA!!!
Yes. USA.

 

by ambulancedriver
4-18-03
My nizzle.
Fo' shizzle?
Well, not so much for shizzle...
Yes. It's for shizzle, dizzle.
Psh, I've been izzle since before you were bizzle, mother fucker.
Cool your sizzle, jizzle. I was all up in this pizzle since mizzle and kizzle hizzle.

 

by ambulancedriver
4-19-03
You know, I love the Jew.
And I think the Arabians are awesome.
Want to dance?
So you can suicide explode all over me? I think not!
... Good God, that was offensive.
See you in Hell.

 

by ambulancedriver
4-19-03
AmbulanceDriver here, totally breaking the third wall like I swore up and down I would not do. But I just want to apologize for the last comic strip.
I would just like to say, Arabs rock me right in the face. They're awesome. Like in Lawrance of Arabia, those Arabs were ultra dope. God in Heaven, I am not kidding when I say I love Arabs.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry to the Jews for forgetting to put and S after "Jew" in the first panel. And the non-background. There's totally no "edit strip" feature. Piss me off.

 

by ambulancedriver
4-26-03
So I had this dream, right?
All right.
Ok, and in it this phone that's like six times smaller than a normal phone and this really ugly green color keeps ringing, so I answer it.
... Keep going.
Then I start to masturbate.

 

by ambulancedriver
4-30-03
So I was listening to this techno song.
I
And I started thinking.
am so
And then I was all "This song really sucks."
baked.

 

by ambulancedriver
5-01-03
Two rockets decide to race to the moon.
A race it is then.
To racing, friend.
And race they did. Race like the wind.
I am winning because your mother is fat.
The shape of your being is reminiscent of a penis.
And it was a tie.
Good show, old sport. Sorry I had to rough you up a bit back there.
I, too, am sorry I blew up at you like that. Pun very much intended.

 

by ambulancedriver
5-03-03
All right, since they are playing Kool & The Gang I'll dance with you. ONCE.

 

by ambulancedriver
5-04-03
All right, Yoshi, we've-a just got to get through this-a one last ghost house. Ready? Let's-a go!
... Yeah, who are you?
It's-a me, Mario!
Heh. Yeah, I know. I just wanted to hear you say it.

 

by ambulancedriver
5-06-03
TRANSFORM!
That's the lamest goddamn power ever.

 

by ambulancedriver
5-13-03
Oh gracious me, it is like my future self or something!
Seriously, don't these two look kind of alike? I'm just saying.

 

by ambulancedriver
5-13-03
Ms. Zedong, would you like to hear the story of how I almost died?
Why yes, Ms. Xiaoping, please tell us the story of how you almost died.
We were in this boat, and the boat just suddenly flips over, and he drowns. So he's all dead, and I'm all wet and pissed off.
Why, how did you make it back?
I don't remember, but I might have Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome.
Boy, are we ever Asian.

 

by ambulancedriver
7-30-03
Sigh. All these notes and nothing with which to keep them all together. Perhaps if I had some sort of clip.
Hello, Micheal! I have come to help you in your quest for paper management!
Gasp! Can it truely be? The answer to my paper organizing quandaries?
Yes, Micheal! And you can even bend me into a sword-like shape and have battles with a pretend dragon!
Praise the clip! Praise God Almighty!

 

by ambulancedriver
7-31-03
Come play with us.
Yes. Come play with us, Thomas.
... His name's Thomas?
Er, wait, I think that was the last kid.
That was Jason.
Well one of these goddamn kids has gotta be named Thomas!

 

by ambulancedriver
8-01-03
Every night for the past [a lot] years, two fallen soldiers have risen from thier graves to fight a bloody war that ended so long ago.
Boy, I'm gonna mess you up!
Oh yeah? Well my penis is bigger than your's!
Is not!
Ha ha, you had to think about it! Slavery is to the max!

 

by ambulancedriver
8-02-03
The following is a paid advertisement for Super Spring Break Girls Gone Wild Nipple Party Extreme Doggy Fizzle.
Word of caution: if you are masturbating to this, your life is a sham and nobody loves you.
Go put your pants back on.
All right, but I don't see where you're going with this.

 

by ambulancedriver
8-02-03
Life's funny, eh man?
Heh, you said it.
Know what I'm sayin'?
I'm totally with you.

 

by ambulancedriver
8-03-03
Um, Mary had a little lamb...
Whose fleece was... um..
Aw, damnit, let me start over. Goddamnit.

 

by ambulancedriver
8-05-03
Isn't this funny? We're like, two fish in a submarine.
Yeah, I guess that is pretty funny. Hey, you know what would be really funny? If a human swam by the window.
That would be funny. Because usually, the human is in the submarine, and the it is fish who swim by.
Would you like to reinact scenes from Down Periscope?
I was just about to say the same thing to you.
Scandalous!

 

by ambulancedriver
8-05-03
Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order?
I'll have a burg--
Um...
Chicken sandwich.

 

by ambulancedriver
8-06-03
Hey, the captain's chair! Maybe I could have a little fun.
Whee! Fire the photon torpedoes! We're under attack! Pshoo, pshoooo! BOOM! That be my laser in yo' face, Fooly McFoolister!
What? I leave for five minutes to have a little me time and this is what happens?
This whole experience has now been tainted for me.

 

by ambulancedriver
8-06-03
Now I will enjoy a refreshing Nestea Cool.
Outstanding!
Pardon me, sir. I'm going to murder you.
Cool to the core, that is not.

 

by ambulancedriver
8-07-03
Sooo...
Looks like we'll be dying together. My name's Courney.
That's a pretty girly name.
... Well, I can see why you're down here. I was thrown down here because I witnessed a murder.
That's a pretty girly reason. Fag.

 

by ambulancedriver
8-08-03
Asterisk, homosex, asterisk

 

by ambulancedriver
9-06-03
I'm a freak.
I hear that.

 

by ambulancedriver
4-26-04
A suspect was apprehended earlier this afternoon to be tried in the stange case of the murder of the radio star.
Here is the exclusive News Channel 6 footage of the arrest.
All right, Video, you're coming with me.
Wait, officer, I can explain. Quickly, stare into my random booty shaking and scantily clad women!
Truely a disturbing development.
In addition to first degree murder, Video is also being charged with taking credit for my second symphony.

 

by ambulancedriver
4-27-04
And when Anime Blind Dates returns:
So, I was thinking we could just be friends.

 

by ambulancedriver
4-28-04
Wow, I can't believe it! I'm on Mars! And what's that coming this way?
Hello, we've been waiting for you! Follow me, and I will lead you to the chocolate volcanoes and rock-awesome ninja fights!
Can it be? Does the Mars Fairy tell truths!
Greetings! I was just about to totally flip out on some guy, and then I will lead you to the sexy chicks with accents that you can make out with!
Mars is just as I imagined! It is like the Earth without the grating reminders of the uselessness of existence!

 

by ambulancedriver
4-29-04
Heeeey, this guy! This is the guy!
Yessiree. The guy, man. That's the guy. I would have to say, he isn't NOT the guy. Because he's totally the guy.
You seem to think if you keep saying that, the twenty bucks you want to borrow will magically appear. I don't have it, man.
Not even for a little peak? Peaky peaky? Take my little hand here, wash your little hand there, and vice versa. THE GUY!

 

by ambulancedriver
4-30-04
--What the?
...
Man, I know they're going to find a way to blame this on me.
They'll probably take away Hawaiian shirt Fridays! Fuck that, man. I didn't see a goddamn thing.

 

by ambulancedriver
5-03-04
RaiseTheRoofTron, how can I be as skillful in my roof raising as you are?
You must feel the roof, my son. Feel it in your hands, show it their power, follow the funky beats, and elevate!
The power in my hands, huh? Well, here goes nothin'.
Hup!
My word, boy, you're doing it! The roof is on fire up in here!

 

by ambulancedriver
5-06-04
Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of wealth and taste. I’ve been around for a long, long year. Stole many a man’s soul and faith.
And I was ’round when Jesus Christ, had his moment of doubt and pain. Made damn sure that Pilate, Washed his hands and sealed His fate.
I sympathize.
Pleased to meet you. Hope you guess my name.

 

by ambulancedriver
5-07-04
Hurry up! Are you finished drawing me yet?
Hold the phone, blue eyes, I'm almost there. ... Aaaand done! Here, check it out.
You, sir, are an artist. My own personal fuckin Expressionist, you know?
Come on, was it really that bad? Bah-da bing!

 

by ambulancedriver
5-15-04
Does Marcellus Wallace look like a bitch? Say 'what' again! SAY 'WHAT' AGAIN, MOTHER FUCKER!
All right, enough practice. I'm ready to do this thing.
Huh?
Say 'what' agai-- wait, did you say 'huh'? God-son of a bitch-damnit!

 

by ambulancedriver
5-15-04
Biped, I think we're all interested to know, where did you get your inspiration for the popular A Journey To The Centre Of Vin Diesel's Asshole strip?
Well, sir, the answer is quite simple.
You see, the idea came out of Hitler's ass.
And there you have it, folk-- HITLER'S ASS?
Oh yes. He just ate pop culture celebrity references along with some gay jokes, and out came the inspiration, man. SUCK IT DRY.

 

by ambulancedriver
10-27-04
Christmas at the ChristmasTree's.
"O' Christmas Tree" is about me, man.
Keep dreaming. You only wish your branches were this lovely.
Well... then I call "Up On The Housetop" being about me.
God, whatever.
By the way, I had to sell my pocket watch, but I bought you this sweet comb! However, you seem to have ironically sold your beautiful hair as to buy me a present.
Not only am I fairly sure I never had beautiful hair, I'm positive I didn't get you anything.

 

by ambulancedriver
11-11-04
What do we want!
NOW Vol. 12!
When do we want it!
NOW!
... See, I told you that would work way better than Kidz Bop 6.

 

by ambulancedriver
2-02-08
Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.
What? No, dude, that's Horatio. I'm Yorick.
Wait, seriously? Ha ha, oh my God, I can't believe I did that.
Oh wow, dude, I can't believe you think I'm of excellent fancy.
Ha ha ha, Jesus. Oh God, please don't tell anyone I said that.

 

by ambulancedriver
2-02-08
I know what you're thinking. Fish sexual innuendo, yeah? Well I'm not going to do it.
Oh sure, I wanted to. She was going to talk about his fish stick, he was going to blow tartar sauce on her face. I had it all planned out. But instead, I'm going with this:
FUCK I CAN'T BREATH
OH MY GOD WE'RE DYING I NEED FUCKING WATER HOLY SHIT

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