All comics by eponine

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by eponine
11-06-01
I'll Get Over You As Soon As You Get Out From Under Him.
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here.
If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will.
It Takes Me All Night Long To Do What I Used To Do All Night Long.
May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose.

 

by eponine
11-06-01
I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine.
It Ain't Love But It Ain't Bad.
Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head).
You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Banister Of Life.
Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts of Life.

 

by eponine
11-06-01
If Whiskey Were A Woman, I'd Be Married For Sure.
I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home.
I've Got Red Eyes From Your White Lies And I'm Blue All The Time.
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye.
Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed.
I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy.

 

by eponine
11-06-01
I'm Eva! I want to be important, famous, and beloved by the masses! I'm gonna sleep my way to the top of society!!
Starting with me, a tango singer! Ack!
I'm an actress now! Oh, it's Juan Peron! Juan, baby, take me home with you tonight! I'd be surprisingly good for you. Then we can get married...
And I can be President of Argentina and you can have tons of influence! Some people will love you and some will hate you. Yippee!
I could do so much, only if I weren't dying of cancer. Crap. But don't cry for me, Argentina. I'll sing you a song before I die.
Hello. I'm Che. I basically tell the story of Evita in the movie. I've been ignored in this strip, but in the movie I was played by Antonio Banderas. Heh.

 

by eponine
11-06-01
I'm Hamlet. I'm all depressed. My father died and my mother has married my uncle. Oh my God! It's the ghost of my father!
Hamlet! I was murdered (murder most foul!) by he who now wears my crown! If ever you loved me, avenge me!
I will avenge my father! I'll also make everybody think I'm crazy! Or am I really crazy? At this point, I can't tell. Ophelia, get thee to a nunnery!
First this, then he accidentally kills my dad. And then I go crazy and drown. Fuck this.
Alas, I die, Horatio!
Yeah, you and the majority of the cast.

 

by eponine
11-07-01
What the hell is going on here?
I love you!
No, I love her!
Those two both loved me earlier.
Eventually, things are made "right." Really.
I have the head of an ass and the Fairy Queen loves it.
What fools these mortals be!

 

by eponine
11-07-01
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.
snap, crackle, pop
Oh my God! What was that! I'm so scared!
Aaaaaah!

 

by eponine
11-10-01
The Montagues and Capulets hate each other. Except Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet.
*love*
*love*
Juliet's cousin, Tybalt, kills Romeo's best friend. Romeo then kills Tybalt and is banished while Paris gets parental consent to marry Juliet.
A plague o' both your houses!
Either thou, or I, or both, must go with him.
Friar Laurence gives Juliet a potion that will make her appear dead until Romeo returns to her. Things don't go as planned.
My fair Juliet is dead. I will drink this poison and join her!
Romeo! I'm not dead! ...Romeo? Fuck, now I'm going to have to kill myself, too.

 

by eponine
3-04-02
Survivor Asia Ngirl's thoughts on Maura, from Goats, PA.
Maura's got a cute body. She paid a lot for it.
In the case of an emergency, my breasts can be used as flotation devices. And I hope there's an emergency, 'cause I'm useless otherwise! Tee hee!
Billy Joe Bob, from Wigu, Kentucky. (He's single, ladies!)
I can't understand anything Billy Joe Bob says, but I like him, anyway.
Ahtellyewwhut. That there Maury girl shore is purty. Ayup. Ah reckon ah'll keep this up so's ya'll will thank ah'm much dumber than ah yam! Now whare's that dadgummed food?
Eh...The operative word is "little."
I already love Roger. He knows a little about everything.
We need a fire. My nose itches, which is a sure sign that we have two hours of sunlight left. My trick knee tells me those berries are edible. Spider senses tingling!

 

by eponine
3-04-02
The Immunity Challenge at Challenge Beach.
This is for immunity. The tribe that loses will head to Tribal Cornh--uh, Council tonight. Survivors ready?!
Even iffen we lose, ah'm safe. Ah'm the comic relief!
Maybe if I close my eyes they won't see be able to notice me not helping.
I hope that beef jerky I hid in Maura's bathing suit is okay.
Gee, that Jeff Probst is even dreamier in person.

 

by eponine
3-04-02
Tribal Council Suspense!
Of course I voted Maura. We could've won the challenge if not for her.
Roger knows he better not vote me off or I'll tell everyone about his beef jerky.
"That's two votes for Asia Ngirl and two votes for Maura. We have a tie!"
Maura has been smirking suspiciously all day. I don't trust her, so she's got my vote.
*mumble mumble* Breasts of Doom *mumble* blackmail *mumble*
That nutty Jeff Probst!
Ah, our first tie of the season! Did we forget to tell you that ties are handled differently this season? Well, they are! Ha ha!

 

by eponine
3-04-02
Indeed, this season *I* have the power! I have been granted the power to break ties! RAARR! JEFF PROBST WILL--
Psst! Jeffy, it's Mark Burnett. Calm down and stop scaring the viewers. Hurry up and settle this. And remember the ratings, boy!
Jeff makes his decision.
I cannot believe this.
Tee hee! Jeff, you're so cute!
Asia Ngirl, your soul-stealing stare unnerves our cameramen and you will never attract the male viewers that Maura can. I have spoken.
So... until taping is over, I get to sleep in a real bed, see the sights, and eat real food. Heh heh. I think I'm a winner after all.

 

by eponine
8-23-02
Bastard.

 

by eponine
9-06-02
Get off my lawn.
I taste like love.

 

by eponine
9-06-02
I can knot a cherry stem with my tongue.
I can sneeze the tune of "Eleanor Rigby."
I can whistle the entire score of Jesus Christ Superstar.
Good ol' JC was my babysitter when I was five.
My uterus can flip.
I can't compete!

 

by eponine
9-17-02
Hey, nobody told me this was a theme party.
Theme?! Yar!

 

by eponine
9-24-02
"Due to the seriousness of your crimes, the court has no choice but to sentence you to... Death By Chocolate."
Yum!
Fuck.

 

by eponine
9-24-02
Hey.
Hi.
You gonna use those?
Nah. Take 'em.
*sigh*

 

by eponine
9-24-02
Eponine? I'm shocked and dismayed by how little use you've shown for me.
*sigh* Yeah, I'm really sorry about that...
You always thought I was a most interesting character. You thought I had so much potential!
...I know. It's just that I'm having a hard time coming up with good ideas for you right now, especially given your--uh, range.
If I could show any other emotion right now, by God, I would!
As I was saying...

 

by eponine
9-27-02
I think I'm frustrated sexually.
What makes you think that?
Well, people keep telling me that my habit of crunching ice is a sign...
...But mostly the sexual frustration.

 

by eponine
9-30-02
C'mon, sweetie. Mommy's ready to take the picture.
"We need a vacation!" you said. "It'll be great!" you said. "It's the happiest place on Earth!" you said.
"You'll get to meet your favorite Disney characters!" you said.
Hey, what's the problem here? I've got joy to spread.

 

by eponine
10-01-02
Hello, what's your name? Blah blah blah blah blah blah I haven't been living here long. Blah blah blah blah You looked interesting.
Eh.. heh. Just smile politely. Be nice, but give the impression that you have somewhere to be. Make sure there are people around. Don't give out too much personal info.
I lived in South Africa. Blah blah blah blah I'm studying and working. Blah blah blah blah What's your phone number? Blah blah blah blah I'd like to get to know you.
Ack! Is he really hitting on me? Am I being too polite? Am I being too rude? I don't want to give anyone my phone number. I have a boyfriend. I have pepper spray. I have a panic attack.
So you won't give me your phone number? Blah blah blah I don't really have many friends here. Blah blah blah How am I supposed to get to know you without your phone number? Do you have a boyfriend?
I can't believe he's hitting on me. People in their right minds don't typically hit on me. I don't even look at all attractive right now. Why isn't he taking the hint? My head is about to explode.

 

by eponine
10-02-02
Sally got a kitten today! Her name is Freya. She's the sweetest thing! She's white and gray and just adorable.
She likes to curl up to sleep on the floor next to Sally's bed. And she has a little mouse toy, but sometimes she catches real mice and takes them to Sally like a gift.
Who's Sally?
...My sim.
Dear, we're so going out tonight.

 

by eponine
10-07-02
Sweet-talk me.
I can see my unborn children in your muffins. Captain Picard said so.
I'm a Louisianan!
Can I at least watch?
Earth girls are queasy?

 

by eponine
10-09-02
The lights are low. It's cool outside, but warm and toasty inside. I've got something black and silky to wear. I even smell like strawberries. I'm ready to charm some pants off!
...Or maybe we can play a video game or something. That's fun, too.

 

by eponine
10-11-02
My husband said he wanted to stop at this quaint little place he found in the Andes.
He says the barbecue is to die for.

 

by eponine
10-12-02
To be honest, I just like to watch.

 

by eponine
10-12-02
He's not afraid to hold my hand in public.
You look fabulous.
No, YOU look fabulous.
She's got this incredible bone structure.

 

by eponine
10-13-02
I don't think this is working out for me.
You look different. Did you cut your hair?

 

by eponine
10-13-02
before:
A/S/L? U cyber?!?!?!
after:
Would I be out of line if I asked you some questions? How old are you and where are you located? Are you female? Would you like to engage in some internet love-making?

 

by eponine
10-15-02
Fucker.

 

by eponine
10-16-02
George! Hold on.
Crap.
I just noticed my cherry tree's been chopped down. You know something about that?
Lemme explain.

 

by eponine
10-17-02
Got dumped again?
Shut it.

 

by eponine
10-17-02
Of course I love you. Those cookies you baked were great. You look fantastic in those pants.
I noticed your haircut right away. I like it a lot. Yes, I was listening to you--everything you say is fascinating.
It's fine if you don't want to have sex tonight. I have no problem with just cuddling and watching TV. Of course I'll call you tomorrow.
It seems Carlo Collodi's story was a bit off.

 

by eponine
10-18-02
Roses in blood are red.
Violets in blood are also red.
Boo! Get out!

 

by eponine
10-18-02
Would you believe I'm crying on the inside?
It's true.

 

by eponine
10-21-02
Yes sir, I sure am proud of my son. George Jr is facing some very tough problems now.
In fact, I don't think he's faced anything this tough since that 50 foot Mecha Lincoln.

 

by eponine
10-26-02
Psst! Hey, Bob! You awake? Bob?
Moohoo! This is my chance!
*thud!*
Whoa! Bob, are you okay? Those damn kids must've been waiting for us to fall asleep again!

 

by eponine
10-29-02
*sigh* I'm getting pounded mercilessly.
Sounds fun!
I'm talking about playing Button Men Online, silly.
Almost as fun!

 

by eponine
10-31-02
Jealous much?

 

by eponine
10-31-02
Whoa! The selection here is incredible!
I'll be in Victoria's Secret.

 

by eponine
10-31-02
So, Mr. Leer, why do you feel you should be my familiar?
Well, I'm hoping to become very familiar to you. Heh heh.
I don't know, Mr. Loos. You're not exactly what I had in mind for a familiar.
*sigh*
What?

 

by eponine
10-31-02
I'm putting in my order for a computer.

 

by eponine
11-02-02
You know what I miss about being in a relationship with you, Jesse?
Nope... What?
Just checking. I couldn't think of anything, either.

 

by eponine
11-03-02
You have many gifts. As you grow up, you should always remember to work to your potential.
Roger that, dad. Now how 'bout we discuss new Barbies?
Finished your biology homework, dear?
Know what, dad? For at least the next thirty years, I'm going to have to suffer monthly from this thing called a period. Biology can kiss my ass.
With both you and your brother out of the house, your mother and I are forced to nag each other. Of course, she's much better at it.
Of course, dad.

 

by eponine
11-03-02
So... I'm dead?
How'd ya guess?
I don't know about this. Can we work out some deal so I can go back or something?
Go back to term papers, rejection by beautiful females, a low-paying job, President Bush, and your drunken roommate?
...You do have a point there.
Did I mention we have several of every gaming console on the market?

 

by eponine
11-04-02
I see everything that goes on within a 50 mile radius and report it to as many people as I can! Remember what you did on the 13th of last month? I do! And so does everybody else!
Are you really considering moving that far away? I'd miss my family too much. We're the richest, most influential family in town! I can stay here and I'm already set for the rest of my life! Ha!
And I cook.

 

by eponine
11-04-02
Did I do something wrong?
No, it's not you. It's me. This just isn't working for me.
Is it something I did?
No, no. Really, it's just me. I'm not ready to be back in a relationship so soon.
I'm starting to think it's really them.
That's a possibility.

 

by eponine
11-05-02
So I made enough correct guesses to move up to third place in the player ranking. I'm so excited!
Yeah? That's incredible. I'm very proud of you.
Are you humoring me?
I don't remember.

 

by eponine
11-06-02
You're watching that show with Anna Nicole Smith? Why?!
She makes me feel so much better about myself.

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