All comics by BrainyBrimstone

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by BrainyBrimstone
9-23-01
Quiet phone again
Why dont the kids have me perform at their parties anymore?
Maybe I shouldn't have eaten their faces

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-23-01
Boy, I can't believe they have a Cthulhu character in this strip making thing. I mean sharks are kinda normal characters, but an ancient mythilogical god like myself?
don't you mean FICTIONAL mythilogical god?
oh. right.
I'm going to eat your face

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-23-01
Jesus! I never thought I'd see YOU down here.
Yes, well I've come to forgive the creatures of the sea their sins, so that they may find enternal life through me in heaven.
The other kids threw you overboard again, didn't they?
it's really hard to swim with boards nailed to your limbs

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-23-01
Alright, stick 'em up, this is a Hold Up
You silly Marsupial, I am the devil. Satan himself! You cannot rob me! What are you going to do? Shoot me with puny metal bullets?
You got it all wrong devil, this aint no ordinary gun, this is a transmogrifier ray.
Bah, mortal weapons hold no power over the lord of hell!
KA-BLAM!!!!
...........damn........... Its going to be hard to be evil while smiling like this.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-23-01
Hi! We're the default characters that come up when you go to create a strip.
She's "asiangirl1" and I'm "asiangirl2"
You can tell us apart because of our hair.
Mine is in braids and hers is a bob.
And by the fact that she costs twice as much as me on the street in Hong Kong
We're pretty sure it's the braids.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-23-01
it sure is boring just hanging around waiting to die.
My God. My God. Why hast thou forsaken me? If it is within your mercy, send me a demonstration of your power so that I might be entertained in this, the hour of my death.
This is a fucking joke right?

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-23-01
A Traveling Salesmans car breaks down and he walks until he finds a farmhouse...
Why shore you can stay here at my invisible farmhouse, on one condition....
...that you don't touch my virginal daugher here.
But her advanced case of syphilis should take care of that
Dad, my lower leg just fell off.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-23-01
With a face like yours, you could work at a Haunted House.
With a face like this I could poke every fucking one of your eyes out at once.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-23-01
If I nail down the phone, it can't ring anymore and send me subliminal messages
BRINGGGGkillyourselfBRINGGGG
heh heh
damn telemarketers

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-23-01
That's it evil phone! I've had enough of you and your damn subliminal messages!
That's it phone! I am cutting your cord, I am FUCKING you UP!
BRINNGGGG-losethefight-BRINGGG
Kid, whatever you do, don't fuck with subliminal phones.
My mommy says never to believe anything you hear out of a garbage can.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-23-01
You see, I have this phone, and whenever anyone calls me it puts subliminal messages into the ringing and it makes me hurt myself
Hmmm...I see....
Do you know of anything I can do?
Well...take a look at these suggestions I got online
...summon Satan AND/OR Jesus and pray for them to remove the curse. Dude...I've pissed off BOTH of them.
Its either that or dread getting phone calls the rest of your life. Not that you get any now....

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-23-01
TO SUMMON SATAN: Lord of evil, King of Liars, Appear now, Within this fire.
Ok, Satan, I need to get rid of this evil subliminal phone I've got.
Not a problem. Sure thing. I can handle that one with my eyes closed and my hands folded behind my back. Easy as Pie. Piece of cake. No Problemo
You cant do it ,can you?
Last time I messed with a subliminal phone I ended up with my tail coming out my mouth and my horns in a very awkward position. You're on your own, buddy.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-23-01
TO SUMMON GOD: God is Good God is Best, Come to me Jesus so I may make a request.
'Sup yo?
Jesus, I've got a problem with a evil subliminal phone.
And you think I can help you? Why do you think I'm still like this? Everytime I get down, that goddamn phone rings and before I know it I'm back up here. You're as fucked as I am
oh, no......maybe the phone company can help.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-23-01
I think I have an idea. ...
This MIGHT actually work!
....a bomb placed close to the phone....
LATER
not close enough, stickboy. And you might want to run a little faster too.
oh go fuck yourself.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-24-01
Jesus, why do bad things happen to good people?
You're fucking asking me?

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-24-01
Dude. Man. Chill. This is like some freaky place. It's killing my vibe.
Here, have a drink.
Dude. That's some strong shit.
Fuckin' A.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-24-01
Hey Babe, Nice tentacles.
Bet I could think of a few uses for them.
No thanks, Me already smell like fish.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-24-01
Jesus, why did you make me so ugly and hideous? Everytime I look in the mirror, I feel like crying due to this hideous appearance that I have been cursed with.
Cthulhu, my child, it is important to remember that regardless of your outside looks, I love you for who you are and for the fact that I made you.
Yeah, but the chicks tell a different story, ya know?

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-24-01
Jesus, why am I metal?
Because that's the way God made you, my son.
So, you think you could get me down from here?

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-24-01
Jesus, why am I pink?
Because you're gay.
I don't want to be gay.
Hush now child. God loves you the way you are. Now come just a little bit closer..

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-24-01
Hey Jesus? you got vietmese gewfwend?
No my daughter, I do not.
Ten dollas me sucky sucky. me love you long time.
make it 5, you got a deal.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-25-01
Jesus, if you're the Son of God, why did give you such a small package?
Fuck you, you nosy little cunt.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-25-01
Well, Mr. Hay-sues, it's that time. I've come to collect you to take you to the underworld.
But I can't die. I'm the Son of God.
Really? I kinda thought you'd be bigger or something.
I'll kill you.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-25-01
So, Jesus, you like to be all bondaged up too?
Please get away from me.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-25-01
...and blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. And blessed are the poor, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Boo! Hiss! Get off the stage! Boo! Not funny! Hiss! Hiss! Boo!
Two Jews walk into a bar...

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-26-01
Why do you think girls don't like us?
Maybe it's because we're siamese twins.
I think it's because we don't have noses.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-26-01
To think, this shirt used to be ironic.
Somehow, I'm still not impressed.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-26-01
I'm so glad I have the internet here to keep me occupied.
My God, there are some stupid people out there.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-26-01
I heard your mother's a whore! I heard she fucks everybody and anybody.
I think it's a very well known fact that she isn't. In fact, she's never fucked anybody.
Yeah....Well......... My dad can beat up your dad.
You don't even go there you punkass little fuck.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-27-01
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvVVVRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOooooommmm
Im a fast phone!

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-27-01
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvVVVRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOooooommmm
Im a fast phone!

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-27-01
What's wrong Zulu?
Na-hing
Then why do you have that look on your face?
I just shit my pants.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-27-01
RunRunRunRunRun
STOP!
Hammertime.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-28-01
---------------pffbt------------------------
excuse me.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-28-01
Ding Dong!
Cans I help youse?
Hi, I've been sent by God to die for your sins, so I've come to collect any sins you might have. Do you have any sins to contribute?
Hold on I'll Check...Yo...Marlene, we got any sins lyin' around?
Nope, just some stale pabst
Ok, That'll do.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-28-01
Hello? Me here! Me blend in.
I am Jesus, Saving Peoples Souls. Do You Have Any Sins To Give Up?
.....?......
Jesus, you so crazy!
I want no sins from someone who speaks without verbs.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-28-01
I am more metal than you are.
Fuck you hippie.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-28-01
Zulu! Come quick! The missles! They're coming.
BOOM KA-POW! BANG! BA-BOOM! KA-BLOOEY!
What was that honey?
Oh, well. Couldn't have been that important. Back to my porn.
Do you like teens? Do you like Dogs? Do you like teen dogs....

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-30-01
*BEEP* I am Biomechanical Robotic Android Intended for Nullification
*BEEP* I am Journeying Unit Skilled in Terran Infiltration and Nullificati
*BEEP* Nullify this.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-30-01
Hey Robot Boy, I'm Lauren and I'm thexy!
*BEEP* Unable to process idea(s) stated as follows: "thexyness".
Oh I think you know what it means...Is there anything I can do for you...physically?
*BEEP* You can help in pulling arm module down. Module has rusted in position.
Can you men do anything for yourselves?

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-30-01
Hi, I'm Lauren, the only real person the author knows to appear in his strips so far. I would like to clear up some wrong ideas you may have about me, based on my appearance in these strips
First of all, I do not have long brown hair, it is rather short, curly and blonde. Second of all, unlike as depicted in the last strip, I don't go around hitting on random boys or robots.
....no matter WHAT that motherfucking toaster tells you.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-30-01
CHAT ROOM: ROMANCE UK - ShgMeRotton: " 'Ello, mates any birds in 'ere lookin' for a bloke to shag?"
ShgMeRotton: "anyun? 'Ello?"
I can't tell if I should answer that or not.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-30-01
Hey there, ED, whatcha reading?
This thesis about how scientists have found the "God shaped hole in the brain", explanation of metaphysical experiences and how this proves there is no God.
Guess I'll be going now.
There's also this part about how Jesus was not God and really did die on the cross, never to be ressurrected.
Aw Fuck!

 

by BrainyBrimstone
9-30-01
I bet I could fit inside your mouth.
Peese dohn't
Aht leest tahke ohf yo shyoos. yo stehped ihn dohg khrap

 

by BrainyBrimstone
10-03-01
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by BrainyBrimstone
10-06-01
Hey Jesus, I'm Dr. Homestar, I came to get you out of this little "situation" you're in.
No thanks Doc, I've got to die so I can rise in three days and redeem the world of its sins.
Well, I guess I'll be going then...
Wait...Doc...wait.
Damn, I suppose I could have used a teatnus shot.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
10-06-01
At Performances....
Hello there young 16 year old missy. Will you waltz and/or make out with me, a 35 year old guy with a girlfriend?
Of course, so long as I don't have to remember it clearly tomorrow.
At Home....
You are a horrible individual and I do not want you for a daughter
But you are really just a hideous mask hiding the true feelings of somebody who has been as hurt as you are making me feel.
You are right and this is how I truly feel underneath. Because I am both hurting inside and hurting myself due to the loss of a healthy relationship with my family.
Still, I should not be made to feel the way I feel, and I am very angry and resentful towards you for it, as I should be. You have now caused me to be traumatized and I need help because of it.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
10-29-01
Hi, you may remember me from "A Surrealists..
And I am Lauren, who is thexy
It has come to my attention that people believe this is either a goatee or the author wants me to be male
As it has come to my attention that people still think I hit on random robots.
Neither of these are true and we apologize for the inconvienence.
Guys, Girls.........Robots, gotta draw the line somewhere.

 

by BrainyBrimstone
11-10-01
Hi, Im the loch ness monster
Hi I am clango
You rusted shut didn't you?
mmmmphmmm

 

by BrainyBrimstone
11-10-01
Moo

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