All comics by DH-01

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by DH-01
3-02-01
Funfun Time with Sachiko and Jesus!
Hiyee! I'm Sachiko, and this here's Jesus of Nazareth!
Yo.
According to the Chrisitian faith, he's the Messiah and will change the world!
That's the Plan, little one.
... then how come you don't sprout giant laser-shooting penii and wipe out Earth's population?
... who let you in on the Plan?

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
Funfun Time with Sachiko and Jesus
Y'know, Jesus, you're seen as a really wussy Messiah compared to all the others.
Talk now, beyotch.

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
Funfun Time with Sachiko and Jesus!
All the people here... all the lives lost... all in your name.
Yeah, it really pisses me off sometimes, Sachiko.
I try and try and TRY to show them the right way...
I mean HELL, they're not even using the right ammunition! What kind of crap is that?

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
Funfun Time with Sachiko and Jesus!
Uh, Jesus?
Yes, my child?
You're not really Jesus, are you?
... what makes you say that, my child?
Because Chthulu's at the door wearing a strap-on and a mind-melting smile.
... damn his timing.

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
Funfun Time with Sachiko and Cthulhu!!
I like girls.
Oh shit.

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
"You coming now, Cthulhu?"
... oh yeah...
... dear god the agony...

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
Hey, where'd Sachiko go?
After I gave her the goods, she ran off gibbering about giant fanged worms crawling out of her orifices.
I thought I had those damn things fumigated last week.
They're getting nastier every year, man.

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
Due to recent events, Sachiko can no longer be active in this series.
We assure you, however, that Funfun Time will continue to disgust and disturb you.
Just like it did Sachiko, the poor, poor girl.
SUFFERING!

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
Pitching Products to Southerners...
The South shall RIIIIIIIIIIISE again!
... with Viagra!
... I think I got this con-founded Trojan jimmy-hat on...
Yee-haw! Let's roll in the hay, Bubba-Joe!
Due to the fact that I ate the producers, we will resume our previously scheduled program.
Ia! Ia Cthulhu!

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
What Evil Folks Do On Off Days...
You know, Fake Jesus plays a mean game of tennis.
Anna flashed her panties again! w00t!

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
... and now a word from Sachiko, Serial Killer Extraordinaire...
Hiyee! It's me, Sachiko! After my... m-moment with Mr. Elder God, I've found my true calling in life!
... namely, the violent and brutal slaying of all that breathe! And I have help, too! Behold Fuxxxor, the Rectum Annihilator!
... no, we're not sleeping together. Often.
rIdE thE bAlOnEy pOny, bItchnUts!

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
Deep Thoughts: by Fake Jesus
Greetings, my children. Today, we're going to talk about a very important topic...
This happens to be concern--
Move every 'Zig'!
Jesus Christ, go the hell away! Christ, that stopped being funny weeks ago!
For great justice!

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
Fuxxxor's Beatnik Groove Thang...
dEEp dOwn In thE bAck Of my mInd, I thInk tO mysElf... 'Is rEctAl AnnIhIlAtIOn rEAlly thE wAy'?
dO I hAvE tO plOw thAt mUshy fIEld In OrdEr tO cOnqUEr gOOd? Or Is thErE AnOthEr wAy?
UntIl thEn... sAchIkO, bAck dAt Ass Up fAstEr, bEyOtch.
Oh, you're so philosophical... I feel moist...

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
Sachiko and Fuxxxor are on the rampage! With their dual force of throat-slitting and anal raping, they are an unstoppable EVIL!
My hate-filled blood boils! Let all who breathe know that I am THE END OF LIFE! AH-HAHAHAHAAAA!
...pleaseletmedie...
But this is only a mere preparation for the true mission... to utterly destroy their sworn enemies, Cthulhu and Fake Jesus!
Feel my wrath! COLON SPLITTER STAB!
AAAGH!!! THE PAIN!
... oh, if only they knew the coming danger. If only they knew.
So you watched the WWF last night? Good stuff, man.
Bah! They fired The King. Not worth watching anymore.

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
Many comics have featured Nail-In-Head Man... but few know the true tale behind his odd and masochistic actions.
But now... NOW, the true story can be told. From the source... without censorship, without limits... and without... without...
HEY! Would you PLEASE stop nailing yourself through the fucking head for a moment? It's distracing!

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
Once, a long time ago... he was simply Man, an intrepid archaeologist with a penchant for combating giant beasts with only a knife and his raw courage.
BZZZZ!
Behold, the Knife of Some Unpronouncable God! It stabs you deeply!
... fuck, botched my dodge roll.
Heh, you're fucked man! I rolled a crit! Die, you bitch, I need the XP.
... okay, so I embellished a little.
BZZZZ! I am dead! You gain 200 XP! You find 500 GP! You gain a level!
A winner is me!

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
His quest into the Phallic-Shaped Tower lead him to the Flame of Blatant Foppishness... and a challenge was put forth!
... you challenge me to a game of Extreme Spoken Word?
What? Are you a fraidy-bitch, hon? I'll kiss-- er, kick your ass all over this panel!
The challenge seemed too great to overcome, but the Flame knew not of Man's secret power! A power so great, that it could only be activated by one single item...
You know that you'll lose.
Bah! I am invincible! None have ever beaten me, honeychild!
The slippery, water-based smoothness of K-Y Jelly!--waitasecond. K-Y Jelly?!
... um, excuse me. But where in the hell is that mentioned in my profile?
AGH!!! Your K-Y-induced powers overcome me! I will melt away... after laughing at you like unrelentingly!

 

by DH-01
3-02-01
Having defeated the flamer and gained more XP, Man went to the pub to get smashed on ale and tap that ass like his neighbor's cable... until...
... the Legendary Hammer of Nailing Yourself In The Head Constantly?
That's it. They say it's cursed... but anyone who finds it'll definitely be famous for all time!
You... barkeep, do you really support my aspirations for glory and honor? I am touched!
No, I'm just trying to find a way of making you leave before you puke all over the bar like lasttime.
... funny how the little things can lead to such agony.
... oh. Screw you too.
Whatever. That'll be 50 GP. Cough it up, stick-for-brains.

 

by DH-01
3-03-01
So, map in hand, Man sets off for adventure, honor and glory! This is his quest!
The world will quake and tremble before him after his acquisition of the fabled Legendary Hammer of Nailing Yourself In The Head Constantly!
This will begin...
... after I finish looking at this picture of Angelica Jolie's ass.
Ia! Ia Cthulhu!

 

by DH-01
3-03-01
The Adventure continues!
This lump of weasel dung may be a clue to the whereabouts of the Hammer! I will use force to make it talk!
... oh piss.
... much to the chagrin of...
BZZZZ! You are under attack!
I choose to get the power-up and beat your candyass!
... the other 'series' put on hold.
The fuck is up with this?! We're getting pre-empted by a fucking stickman that hammers nails into his head!!!
wAtch thE lAngUAgE! hE's fAmIly!

 

by DH-01
3-03-01
Moh!
mOh!
...
...
... let's face it people, it's not funny. It's time for a new meme.
Fuck this, let's screw like pink donkeys.
I'm All Up In dAt, bAbygIrl!

 

by DH-01
3-03-01
Finally, Man encounters the fearsome midget idol that guards the Hammer! Battle ensues!
I am the Idol that guards the Hammer!
But! The task is far more than even Man expected!
Critical hit, runt bastard! Get in my XP score!
You do no damage! The only way to defeat me is to engage in self-pleasure with this rusty spiked staff over to my right! Do so, and I shall fall!
Some things one simply can't do in the name of heroism.
Gets them EVERY TIME. Hehheheh.

 

by DH-01
3-03-01
... but when all seemed lost for Man and his quest for greatness, intervention arose!
Man returns... and he returns PREPARED!
... now, I bathe in K-Y jelly... and activate my SECRET POWER!!!
... SECRET POWER? What SECRET POWER?
... and I *know* you all saw that coming. No pun intended, naturally.
The power to accept large, painful objects in various orifices without pain or injury!
... well fuck me running.

 

by DH-01
3-03-01
FINALLY! With minimal anal discomfort, the Hammer has been obtained!
Awwwwww yeah. I'm the man. I am the *fucking* man!
... you think you've won... *gasp*...
... but, so was, it seems...
... what is this urge I... I feel?
... but... you've truly lost...
... the Hammer's CURSE!
OW! SHIT! OW! SHIT! OW! SHIT! OW! SHIT! OW! SHIT! OW! SHIT!
... but you'll make an excellent place to hang pictures! HAH HAH! AGHCK!

 

by DH-01
3-03-01
... and now you know the truth. Now the story has been told. This is the sadness that is Nail-In-Head Man's very existence.
Perhaps... there is a lesson that can be learned from this former Man's downfall. Perhaps... we can become better people because of his folly.
... but right now, I'd much rather leave him alone. It's really fucking creepy watching someone do that to themself.
Ia! Ia Cthulhu!

 

by DH-01
3-03-01
Funfun Time with Sachiko and Fuxxxor, Fugitives at Large!!!
Hiyee! It's me, Sachiko, and my partner in crime, Fuxxxor the Rectum Annihilator!
All yOUr AnUs ArE bElOng tO mE, bItchnUts.
We're on the run from the law, but we've been more than willing to give them clues as to where we are!
wE lIvE dAngErOUsly, As All EvIl pEOplE shOUld.
... that is, as long as they're willing to actually GET the clues.
yOU'd bE AmAzEd hOw fAr yOU cAn stIck A lEttEr Up A gUy's cOlOn wIth yOUr schlOngOr.

 

by DH-01
3-03-01
The good...
I like wang.
So I can see.
... the bad...
Let's stab those Shriners over there!
hIgh cOlOnIcs fOr EvEryOnE!
... and the ugly.
Ever do it with a deity before?
... I think I'm going to go home now.

 

by DH-01
3-03-01
Moh?
Moh!
...
...
... it's *still* not funny.
Fuck this, let's screw like that Japanese schoolgirl and her well-endowed friend.
Oh goody!

 

by DH-01
3-03-01
Hello. I'm Sachiko. Normally, I'd be ranting on about killing the living or stomping on kittens, but I have a much, much more serious issue to discuss... Baseophilia.
The addiction to making Zero Wing references has overtaken the internet community, and the search for a cure has been a long, labourous one...
Thankfully, you all have Fuxxxor to thank for discovering a failsafe cure. Don't worry about looking for us. We'll find you. We'll definitely find you.
c'mErE, bItchnUts! HYPER COLON SPLITTER STAB!

 

by DH-01
3-03-01
... y'knOw, I'vE bEEn thInkIng AbOUt thE whOlE AnAl AnnIhIlAtIOn thIng... I fEEl I cAn brOAdEn my EvIl hOrizOns...
You don't say...
thErE *hAs* tO bE AnOthEr wAy tO UttErly tOrtUre And hUmIlIAtE my vIctIms...
Two words, honey; Reality. Television.
Sometimes, inspiration's right on the tip of your phallus.
... dEAr gOd, thAt's sO EvIl It's gIvIng mE A hArd-On.
You know you like it, baby.

 

by DH-01
3-04-01
Cthulhu's Haiku Corner!
God, this feels so good
Holy shit, I'm sporking!!!
Damn, that bitch can suck.
They don't call it "Godhead" for nothing!

 

by DH-01
3-04-01
And now, the battle you've all been waiting for! In the red corner... Fake Jesus and Cthulhu!
... and that's the bottom line, 'cuz J.C. said so!
If you smeeeeeeeell what the Elder is cooking!
And in the blue corner... the titanic team of Sachiko and Fuxxxor!
Because I *AM* that damn good-UHHH!
It's trUE, It's trUE!
Let's see what the public has to say about this epic battle...
The hell is this? They told me the dog-on-a-ball was gonna be here!
Yeah! We want our goddamn money back!

 

by DH-01
3-04-01
Sachiko takes on Cthulhu in a grudge match that spans the ages!
I like Elder Gods.
Oh, shit.

 

by DH-01
3-05-01
... and now, Fake Jesus versus Fuxxxor in a battle to the death!
...
... wEll?
Well, fuck. My holy mojo seems to be in my other loincloth.
sUcks tO bE yOU, crOss-bOy. nOw bEnd OvEr.

 

by DH-01
3-07-01
Your winner, by murder, Sachiko and Fuxxxor!
Damn straight.
A wInnEr Is Us.
So! Now that your evil enemies are defeated, what're you going to do now?
Simple. We're going to Disneyworld!
Awwww yEAh.
How delightfully generic! Any specific reaso for choosing Disneyworld?
I hear it's fun to rip the heads off of the Disney characters in front of little children.
And thE fOOd's nOt thAt bAd EIthEr.

 

by DH-01
3-08-01
Moh.
Moh.
...
...
... I'm trying, but it's STILL not funny.
Were it not for the Lake of Fire devouring my flesh, I'd ask you to do the nasty.
Why is it *ALWAYS* sex with you? Sheesh!

 

by DH-01
3-08-01
Hiyee! It's me, Sachiko and my good pal, Fuxxxor, off to Disneyworld via plane!
wE lOvE tO fly And It shOws.
As you can see, everyone here is in the crash position, and we're rapidly plummeting towards Orlando.
yEp. lIkE A stOnE.
Hopefully, they'll remember to give us first-class tickets nexttime so we won't hafta do this again. Teehee!
I gOt thE chUtEs. lEt's bAIl, bAby.

 

by DH-01
3-08-01
Lowpass News! With Anchorman Guy!
I'm Guy Who Looks Vaguely Like Gabe, and this is the Lowpass News.
In today's headlines, a 757 carrying 245 passengers crashed into Epcot Center, causing widespeard panic and suffering.
But first, our top headline. Dog-On-A-Ball, the world-famous mascot of Lowpass.net, payed our studios a visit today. Isn't he cute?
Moh.

 

by DH-01
5-10-01
Ey, sAchIkO, y'EvEr wOkE Up fEElIn' lIkE y'gOt bUmrApEd In yEr slEEp, bUt y'wAkE Up And All's chIll?
Yep. Many times.
rIght.
Do it again and I kill you.
hEy! I dIdn't sAy It wAs mE!

 

by DH-01
5-10-01
A Moment of Reason with Sachiko!
The fact that you wasted your time looking for a punchline saddens me.

 

by DH-01
5-10-01
A Moment of Reason with Fuxxxor!
thErE OncE wAs A mAn frOm nAntUckEt...
...
nIcE tO mEEtchA.

 

by DH-01
5-10-01
... y'know, my fantasies about rough prison sex didn't actively include a prison.
... AnywAy, whOsE tUrn Is It tO drOp thE sOAp tOnIght?

 

by DH-01
5-11-01
Moh.
Moh.
I'll get tired of this old joke eventually.
... no way in hell we're doing the nasty, man! Nuh-uh!
But your crotch... so full... of... of... crotch!

 

by DH-01
5-11-01
Sachiko and Fuxxxor: In The Pokey!
Heya, folks! Looks like we're on our way to Death Row! Apparently the nice officers don't like cute little Japanese girls in tiny skirts.
Or dEmOns wIth bIg wAng lOngs. bIgOts.
...uh...
...er...
"Damn... cut! Cut! Let's try that again!"
Alright fucker, you drop the cue cards one more time, and it's your ass.
yEAh.

 

by DH-01
5-12-01
Sachiko and Fuxxxor: In The Pokey!
Heya, folks! Looks like we're on our way to Death Row! Apparently the nice officers don't like cute little Japanese girls in tiny skirts.
Or dEmOns wIth bIg wAng lOngs. bIgOts.
But I have found out that deep down inside, I'm a scared little girl with a Hello Kitty vibe and a tub of Astroglide.
...
... I *SO* didn't just say that.
I'll gO kIll thE cUE cArd gUy fOr yOU nOw, hOn.

 

by DH-01
5-12-01
Sachiko and Fuxxxor: In The Pokey!
Heya, folks! Looks like we're on our way to Death Row! Apparently the nice officers don't like cute little Japanese girls in tiny skirts.
Or dEmOns wIth bIg wAng lOngs. bIgOts.
But, thankfully, we've hired a lawyer to help us out, and we should be out of here in no time.
I wOndEr whAt EvIl hIs cOld, lAwyEr hEArt Is plOttIng rIght nOw...
[ It likes sprinkles on its groinular extention probing device. Touch the sprinkles. ]
... dude, I need to lay off the hooch, man.

 

by DH-01
5-13-01
Meet Xox-Xox The Martian Lawyer!
[ It is here to explain its purpose in Funfun Time. It is here to act as an amusing diversion from the main characters. ]
.... AAAAGH!!!
[ It also has the job of making the more unusual potty jokes. Let it give you an example. It is floating right now. Above a street.. Full of people. It is naked. ]
H-hey! STOP THAT!
[ It had one too many bottles of caffienated cola today. It also has a pitifully small bladder. It enjoys its job. ]
I just BOUGHT this shirt!

 

by DH-01
5-13-01
Sachiko meets Xox-Xox...
[ It will make its case by brining up your tortured childhood. If you did not have one, it can willingly give you one in the space of a few hours. ]
... I *LIKE* you.
Fuxxxor meets Xox-Xox...
[ It will show the audience that your means of torment is relatively harmless, even enjoyable with copious amounts of lubricant. ]
... I *lIkE* yOU.
The Warden meets Xox-Xox...
[ You did not touch the sprinkles. It is not amused. ]
... ow.

 

by DH-01
5-14-01
Xox-Xox Does His Thing!
[ Its closing agument is this: it believes that these two beings are innocent of the murders, rapes and pillaging they caused over the past month. Anyone who thinks otherwise... ]
[ ... will get a Martian cap busted in their tight, firm, probeable ass. ]
[ The defense rests. Moon-SIEEEEDE. ]

 

by DH-01
5-15-01
And now a word from Satan...
Erm.... ahem. Is this thing on? Good, good.
Ahem.
LOBSTER STICK TO MAGNET!

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