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| Welcome back to Fox News. We have breaking news tonight . | |
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| Yes we do. Scientists and historians working here at Fox have discovered the origins of numerous evils that have plagued mankind throughout history. | |
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| What you are about to hear may disturb you, but it should not come as a shock. Democrats are now proven to be the root of all evil. Their list of atrocities is staggering. | |
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| It really is: the Pubonic plague, hiccups, cancer, hurricanes, the Crucifiction, dead kitties, dry skin, darkness, and bed head are all deeds that have Democratic origins. | |
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| Truly, stunning. Stay tuned for more as the list will surely grow. | |
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| Thank you, and stay tuned for the O'Reilly Factor next on Fox. | |
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