All comics by Hecker

Profile

 

by Hecker
1-15-01
Little Timmy's feeling the urge.
So skank, how much is this gonna cost me?
$3, and you'll probably end up with herpes.
But he needs some convincing.
We herpes have gotten a bad rap! We ain't so bad. Herpes is Mexican for happy disease.
Well, I'm sold.
And now everybody's happy.
Is there anyway to make sure I get herpes?
Gotta leave it up to luck kid.

 

by Hecker
1-15-01
Timmy's urge has been satisfied... but where are the herpes?
Well, that was great, but when will I the herpes kick in?
You should be feeling them right about... now.
A bad side to herpes? nah
Wow, it's like there's a party in my pants and everyone's invited.
Oh it gets better. *scratch scratch*
And now everybody's happy.
MUWAHAHAHAHA! Did I say Mexican Happy Disease? I meant Mexican Crotch Rot! Who's yo daddy? Scratch dat thang!
Aye Carumba! Goodness gracious my balls are on fire!

 

by Hecker
1-15-01
Never go to old men for advice.
Yo podunk, I have herpes. What should I do?
Herpes eh? Sounds like fancy book-learning talk. You oughtta sell them herpes for $10 a piece. Yeah back in my day blah blah blah...
So Timmy goes on his quest to sell his herpes.
Would you like to buy some herpes little girl?
Mommy told me not to take candy from strangers but... ok.
And now everybody's happy.
There. Done and done. That'll be $10. Herpes aren't cheap you know.
I can't wait to show mommy!

 

by Hecker
1-15-01
After spreading herpes to hundreds of neighborhood children, Timmy comes to a conclusion...
It seems I can't give these herpes away, so it looks like time for a good old scratching contest. Me and you Herpes, in the scratching ring!
It's on whitey!
But during the contest, Timmy realizes something...
Scratch scratch scratch scratchitty scrat-scrat scritchity scratch. Man, that's got a good beat to it.
Scritchitty scritchitty scratchitty scratch. Shut up and keep scratching whitey!
And so they form a rap duo. Sir Scratchalot, and Scratchmasta T. And now everybody's happy.
My genitals have shrunk by 3 inches, and my fingernails are covered in scabs, but the money's good.
Yeah it hurts to be cool, but it's a good kind of hurt.

 

by Hecker
1-15-01
It's not polite to stare you know.
Frikkin dangit, another guy is staring at us!
Ugh, not another perv! What are we gonna do?!
What are you, some kind of sick pedephile freak?
Just keep smiling, and maybe he'll go away.
Why do you keep staring at us?! We're just little asian children! Haven't you ever seen an Asian kid before?!
I mean, why stare at these two kids when naked chicks are just a few clicks away?
Oh good job, now his friends are staring too! I'm so sick of being oggled by all these computer geeks.
I'd run, but I'm paralyzed with fear.

 

by Hecker
1-19-01
Hecker meets Pump Jockey.
I blew up a hacker's convention center in DC. I just couldn't stand all that "All ur base are mein" talk anymore.
Nice work. I ran over a group of school children after they got off a bus.
Hecker realizes Pump Jockey is insane.
Wow...
Yeah I would've gotten away with it too if I would've made sure they were all dead. Who knew kids could read license plates.
Pump Jockey realizes Hecker is insane. Excellent.
That was just plain sloppy. You always have to make sure they're dead.
Yeah, live and learn I guess.

 

by Hecker
1-30-01
Lucifer tries out his finest creation: chat rooms.
Ok let's see, my username should be something to attract the ladies... I've got it!
HotGuy has been taken, please select another.
Hours pass...
Alright, HotGuy666 it is. OK ladies, come to me!
Welcome to Teen Chat.
But not even he was ready for the dreaded question: "So what do you look like?"
Well, let's see. I'm 5'11, 140 lbs. short black hair, goatee, mustache. Pointy eyebrows, pointy ears, pointy red horns, yellow eyes, pink skin... hey where'd she go?

 

by Hecker
7-11-01
Typical day in central park.
Mommy, can I go feed the squirrels?
Sure dear, just be careful. Those squirrels have gotten pretty big.
Never mess with the squirrels
I'm sorry little guy, I just ran out of food. Oh well, see you later.
Oh it's on now you little hoe!
Poor girl never knew what hit her.
Ooh, that's a pretty statue.
You'll feed the squirrels alright... you should last an entire week!

 

by Hecker
7-12-01
If you see an alien taking a dump in the woods, stay away!
Hey little bunny, do you ever have problems with poop sticking to your fur?
No not really, why do you ask?
You see, aliens have sensitive rears. Leaves chafe them bad.
I think you know what to do.
Awwww hell!
Ewwwww
AWWW This is disgusting! I'll be scarred for life!
Gotta love them fluffy tails.

 

by Hecker
7-21-01
Clango wallows in self despair.
Life sucks. My girlfriend left me, my dog died, my car broke down, I have no money, no friends, no job...
I hate lucky jerks too Clango.
Hey Clango, guess what! I just did it with two chicks in the back of the brand new car I bought with my lottery money! Sweet huh?
Oh my god. I've hit rock bottom.
Yes Clango, booze will make all your problems disappear.
I wonder if us robots are programmed to get drunk...

 

by Hecker
11-16-15
You know what they say... 15 will get ya 20!
Don't do it! I'm underage!
But, it's what I do! Don't you watch anime?
Well shit.

 

by Hecker
11-21-15
Fan Service Battle! GO!
Wet T-Shirt!
Panty Shot!
Fapfapfapfapfapfap
Round 2... Begin!

Showing page 1.