All comics by JoeBlough

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by JoeBlough
3-04-19
Colud it be?
Pssst! Is anybody here?
What a stupid question. Nobody is ever here!
Yes, it could!
Looks deserted!
Look at where we are! What did ya expect?
Something's coming; something good!
Uh..."The Welcome Wagon", maybe?
Grow up, dude. We ain't in Kansas anymore!

 

by JoeBlough
3-05-19
Wow...it's almost like we never left.
We left? Oh yeah...right!
It appears the pace around here is still at "full stop"!
Well then, as our good friend Mick Jagger might say..."Start Me Up"!
Allow me to get your "Apple-II-E" out of moth-balls.
..and I'll try and fire-up the "dial-up" modem.

 

by JoeBlough
3-05-19
Oh... Jesus H. Christ!
You rang?
Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
I assume you're referring to those two numb-sku...
STOP! Say no more! I knew it was too good to be true!
Hold on! Maybe they've matured? Stanger things have happened. Ha...hehe..haw haw haw...bwaha...bwahahahaha...

 

by JoeBlough
3-05-19
Hey Deb...guess what me & MTB have decided to do?
Oh hell...I don't know...RELAPSE to that God forsaken comic site maybe?
She knows us only too well!
Well count me OUT! The ONLY way I'll get involved is if one of you puts me there.
Yo! I told ya to keep them cloven hooves off the coffe table. We got the green light from the boss so let's boogy!
I gotta lie down. This smell of "Tab" and pork rinds is gonna make me puke!

 

by JoeBlough
3-06-19
Our brief sabbatical seems to have prompted the latest "CC"!
Shall we even bother to enter?
You know our track record of "wins" is horrible!
And THAT, definitely, works in our favor just in case we feel the need to quit & go AWOL again!
But don't "Quitters NEVER win"?
Stop confusing the issue!

 

by JoeBlough
3-06-19
Too many people are wise to this JoeBlough bit!
So what are us gonna do about it?
Deb suggested we try disguises!
OK...let's go shoppin'.
How do I look? Can you see the "lifts in my shoes"?
You look fine. Like my new hair-do?

 

by JoeBlough
3-06-19
Hope Deb is OK with this.
Maybe I had better break it to her.
Surprise, doll babe!
Really? "LIFTS"? You look totally moronic. I can only imagine your alter ego.
So? How'd it go?
Tell me you kept the costume receipt!

 

by JoeBlough
3-06-19
About those costumes I returned...why was I charged an extra $10.00?
For the "LIFTS"!
But I retuned them too!
The had to be destroyed due to the stench!
Stench? But he washes his feet monthly, whether they need it or not!
Ugh..I just threw up in my mouth!

 

by JoeBlough
3-07-19
YOU make the call...
d_bacon, who was that at the door?
Just some sick pervert, rags!
A pervert, huh? Who was he?
Beats me! All he did was ask me a question!
One question and you could tell right away he was a perv?
First thing he said was, "Hey, would ya blow me here?"

 

by JoeBlough
3-07-19
So you must be the infamous Makin_d_bacon! Am I correct?
Guilty as charged! What say we go back to my place, baby?
Make yourself right at home. I'll open us up a nice box of wine.
And I'll go slip into something more "comfortable!"
What the...? That's some "5 o'clock shadow" ya got there baby!
The name is Steve! Sorry, but I forgot my dose of Estrogen today! Ya like the moo moo?

 

by JoeBlough
3-07-19
What name have you selected for you baby boy, Mrs. Jablome!
I think I'll name him...Heywood!
You do realize that Heywood Jablome sounds awfully like, "Hey, would ya blow me?"
So what if Heywood Jablome sounds like Heywood Jablome? It's supposed to!
Years later life got rough for Heywood.
I should run you in for truancy, boy. What's yer name?
Heywood Jablome here, Officer!

 

by JoeBlough
3-08-19
Alex Trebek goes in for Chemo.....
Sorry, Mr. Trebek, but you can't take that mic into the Chemo room!
But it's a "Service" mic. It helps keep me calm.
Wow! I've had fantasies of being a singer and getting my lips near a big, long, knob headed shaft like THAT!
Oh you have, have you?
Turns out, she must have been talkin' about this microphone I guess!
Oh, sure! That's what ALL the "Sodomy" perps say!

 

by JoeBlough
3-09-19
I wore out my first dildo watching "Baby Blue Marine" re-runs!
Those sure were the good old days!
I'll drink to THAT!

 

by JoeBlough
3-09-19
Ya'll hear? Whoopie Golderg almost died of pnuemonia!
So?
So I thought you might feel relieved that a great Liberal black woman was saved from an terrible fate.
Actually, the terrible fate was that she LIVED. Also, the only great black woman I can think of is Cassidy Banks.
Cassidy Banks? What party is SHE affiliated with?
I'm not sure but my gut tells me the "STAG" party!

 

by JoeBlough
3-10-19
Vintage 1970's
AT&T says "Reach out & touch someone."
Sound rike good idea!
But alas.....
Chen not know she a lady wrestler.
C'mon dude! Her 25 inch biceps shoulda been a dead give-away!

 

by JoeBlough
3-10-19
It's Sunday Mr. Boozer! I thought I might find you here. Come to church with me.
You guys do "communion" at yer church?
Why absolutely we do! The Lord's Supper is the focal point of our gathering.
Supper, huh? Will there be an "Open Bar"?
Actually, we use unleavened crackers & grape juice!
Sorry Pal, but I'm either going with the Catholics and their cheap Chianti or some hung over Jews. I'm kinda partial to their "Manischewitz"!

 

by JoeBlough
3-11-19
You look bright! What would it take to get your vote?
Gimme somethin'!
No problem. Always glad to help a constituant.
So what the heck is a "constituant"?
Beats me, but I scammed a free autographed book out of him. So who is this "Jesus" dude anyhow?

 

by JoeBlough
3-11-19
Looks like I can't make changes or comments anymore until I make a donation.
ragu4u? Long time, no hear, Tightwad!
Tightwad? Oh yeah Brad...I guess I need to danate again, don't I? I'll just send the same as last time. OK?
Do me a favor? This time roll the 100 pennies up; or better still, use a dollar bill!
Hmpf! Greedy AND a nit-picker too!

 

by JoeBlough
3-11-19
At a costume store....
Velcome back to "Drac's Rax"! Returning one, I take it?
You godamn right I am! I want a refund. This thing stinks & is crawlin' with cooties!
Yuk! You're right. The stench is overwhelming.
What kinda inbred, low-life piece of pond scum rented this costume before ME?
Hey Rags, did ya return my disguise to "Drac's" yet?
How could I forget? It stunk like an Asian fish market! But I did keep the LIFTS!

 

by JoeBlough
3-12-19
"....but he wasn't a donor so...."
Hey d-bacon, guess why we lost the latest CC THIS time?
Oh, I don't know...somethin' to do with you being CHEAP, maybe?
Somewhere in Canada.....
"...so Brad, I need your address to send you a donation check ..."
I guess he really IS too stupid to understand how to use PayPal!

 

by JoeBlough
3-12-19
Did ya hear? Pelosi said it isn't worth it to impeach Trump.
That explains all the racket last night!
Hallelujah! Yippy-ki-yay! Whoopi! Oh yeah, it's my birthday. Oh yeah...
What the hell...?
Racket? What racket?
Then again...maybe Melania just finally gave him a "pity" blow-job!

 

by JoeBlough
3-12-19
THERE! I donated thru PayPal cuz Rags is a moron!
Now "JoeBlough" will be able to continue making his comics with full benefits!
Hey Pops...you'll never guess wha...
Don't tell me the pig F'd up again?

 

by JoeBlough
3-12-19
...and make sure he gets it PRONTO like!
Yes sir! Absolutely sir. I'll wear my disguise sir.
Special Delivery for a Mr. Brad Tour...
Ok...ok...
It says ..."JoeBlough" donated through PayPal so cough up his benefits!
As if that saucy pork-chop isn't already a big enough pain in my arse, now he's...

 

by JoeBlough
3-13-19
*knock kock* Open up Rags, it's ME, Lunch!
The name is Blough! Joe Blough!
d_bacon? Is that YOU? It's me, Lunch! Go get Rags or even Deb!
Poor Lunch is having a case of the "vapors" out there guys.
Damnit. All these identities have got me more confused than when I dated Sally Field while she was making "Sybil!"
Methinks he's losin' it out there, dudes!

 

by JoeBlough
3-13-19
So I donated and we still got no perks!
Maybe Brad is just through with us?
I wouldn't blame the guy. Canadians are only so tolerant, ya know!
Why ya always gotta go against me, Deb?
Yeah! Why ya gotta do that to me....I mean, HIM?
Where is my damn Xanax?

 

by JoeBlough
3-13-19
So I donated and we still got no perks!
Maybe Brad is just through with us?
I wouldn't blame the guy. Canadians are only so tolerant, ya know!
Why ya always gotta go against me, Deb?
Yeah! Why ya gotta do that to me....I mean, HIM?
Where is my damn Xanax?

 

by JoeBlough
3-13-19
Well Butch, have you finished?
Yeah! Me got 29 years & 364 days of memories boxed up to take home wit me.
Too bad you won't get your 30 yr. Pension. You KNEW theft was a firing offense.
Me never thought a pad of "Post-It" notes was....
Aha! That's where you thought wrong. No hard feelings, I hope?
"Hard" don't do it justice!

 

by JoeBlough
3-14-19
Damn, this was gruesome as hell. That guy will, for SURE, get the death penalty!
WRONG! Our idiot Governor commuted all the death sentences!
Oh great! Now we gotta pay to give em' 3 hots & a cot for life!
Or.......
Or what?
Or we could just make em' all live in Frisco till they die from AIDS. Nobody would ever know the difference!

 

by JoeBlough
3-14-19
I hate eating crow!
Face it d_bacon; we gots to do it or we'll be stuck here in Limbo forever!
OK, OK! LUNCH? RCLG?
4LTP? evil_d? Somebody? ANYBODY?
Please wake up Brad so we can get our "donor" status back!
We're feelin' muzzled here. We can't make comments, do messages, rate comics...nothin'! We may as well just up and qui... well, you know.

 

by JoeBlough
3-14-19
You the roofer we called?
NO! I'm a Ballerina! OF COURSE I'm the roofer. Are you STUPID or somethin'?
So you'll fix it for $50 like you quoted on the phone, right?
Abso-friken-lutely! Unless of course, I gotta actually get ON the roof. Then there'll be a 2 grand hazard fee.
You were right Rags! We'll never win this CC. He's tryin to screw us!
Quit yer bitchin'! This comic won't even get judged...you cheap ass, non-donating, arse-holes!

 

by JoeBlough
3-14-19
Copying your ass again, boy? Get dressed!
I'm so ashamed sir!
If you weren't my sister's boy, I'd... NEIL, get in here NOW!
I wish that kid would learn to wipe his arse first!

 

by JoeBlough
3-14-19
So, you need a secretary job, eh?
Yes ma'am, I do. I'll do ANYTHING to get hired! You just name it!
Just do the job & if you do it well our boss, ragu4u, will treat you to a one week Junket with him to the islands.
But what if I DON'T do so well?
The Junket will then last TEN days!
He's THAT gross, huh?

 

by JoeBlough
3-15-19
At the home of ragu/d_bacon & Deb!
Say Hi to Brad for me after you're done begging for "donor" status!
He doesn't even know you exist, wench!
Somewhere in Canada
So who are we today? ragu4u? Makin_d_bacon? JoeBlough? One never knows!
Just let me in Brad. I want my "donor" status back! Oh yeah, by the way, Deb says to tell ya "Hi"!
I don't know how she puts up with a guy like you three!
Huh? That's singularly plural, isn't it? Ya gotta stop confusing the three of me!

 

by JoeBlough
3-15-19
"...and you must be a DONOR to comment!"
Damn, damn, damnity damn damn, damn!
Still not reactivated? Brad must be confused by all your kokamamy identities! Rags will fix it!
Outside Brad's Office......
I'm very busy, ragu4u or JoeBlough or whoever you are today! You think you can just come & I'll jump?
Geez....that's what Deb says!

 

by JoeBlough
3-16-19
"I got a gal named Mini da Moocher..."
"She was a non-stop Hoochy-Koocher! Singin' hidey, hidey, hi..."
He gets like this whenever he watches "The Blues Brothers".

 

by JoeBlough
3-16-19
A Cantina in Tijuana, Mexico
Hi there Senorita! Hows about you givin' me an "el blow-jobo"?
No se, hombre! I am, how you say, an entertainer, not a PUTA!
Oh yeah? A singer or a dancer?
You will see. Show about to start!
It's.....SHOWTIME!
Ok now, when I hike my skirt, MOUNT UP big boy!
Finally, the butt-hole! That gash of hers was grossin' me out!

 

by JoeBlough
3-16-19
Inside Chez ragu/Blough/d_bacon&Deb
For Brad's a jolly good fe-e-llow...
...that nobody can deny!
THERE! You're a donor again! Now will ya'll leave my ass alone?
Look at those guys, Brad! "Donors" with boners!

 

by JoeBlough
3-17-19
Sir, the unthinkable has happened!
You don't mean....
That's EXACTLY what I mean, sir!
Humanity is doomed...DOOMED I say!
Ya think he's glad we're back?
I'll be able to tell better if & when he stops crying!

 

by JoeBlough
3-17-19
Holy crapinski, d-bacon! We've already got 5 followers! COOL-BEANS!
And so it begins, Deb!
I know! I know! He gets like a kid in a candy shop!
Of course, I have all the of "Good & Plenty" you want, little boy!
I'm so excited I think I just pissed myself!

 

by JoeBlough
3-17-19
The word is...he's calling himself JoeBlough now!
Damn ...he's harder to keep track of than Kim Kardashian's sex partners!
Shall I put a tail on him Sir?
Sure! Couldn't hurt!
I don't know babe. It's red, about 3 ft. long with a spike on the end and it just came protruding out of your ass!
Funny, but I feel I'm being watched!

 

by JoeBlough
3-17-19
Was everything to your liking, Sir?
Actually...no! The meat is tough, the soup is cold and the bread is stale. I demand to see the head chef!
What the f....."
I'm doin' de best I can, man! Gimme a break!
Someone needs to give that Chef a hand!
A hand? An arm & a leg at LEAST, I'd say! Eh wot?

 

by JoeBlough
3-17-19
Chen's Life story.....
Kiss me...I'm ILISH!
Huh?
Chen waiting....
A simple "NO" woulda done fine!
Eat shit and die, you Chinky, Tibetan, mongrel!

 

by JoeBlough
3-18-19
Get "Justice" on the line. I'm gonna sue SNL!
You're gonna sue a comedy show for mocking you?
You got a problem with that?
Even though every negative point they make is 99.99% accurate?
But that still leaves a "positive" of .01%!
I guess a .01% approval rating is at least SOMETHING!

 

by JoeBlough
3-18-19
So the pig, sauce boy & Deb are making a come back, eh?
Shhhhh! It's a secret!
A secret? Bwahahahahaha! That's a JOKE! Everybody knows. In fact, there's a list of names in the back room. C'mon.
Lead on. I gotta see this LIST!
Guess I shoulda said LISTS!
I'd say!

 

by JoeBlough
3-18-19
Are those shorts or boxers, fella?
Why do you ask?
Because if they're boxers then I'll have to arrest you for "public indecency"!
Then they're "Shorts"! I'll be on my way now!
Not so fast, pal! If those ARE "shorts", then I'm arresting you for "Having Poor Taste"!

 

by JoeBlough
3-19-19
Good morning Rags. Sleep well?
OK, I guess...considering!
Oh no! Considering what?
Considering that d-bacon thinks he may be non-binary!
It just means he's unsure of his identity, that's all. It's not contagious.
We can only hope!

 

by JoeBlough
3-19-19
What seems to be the problem, ma'am?
There's this pig guy in the ladies dressing room.
Excuse me sir, but you can't be in there.
I'll be right out. I'm just trying on outfits to "get my sexy back"!
Well Mr. d_bacon, how does THAT ensemble make you feel sexy?
In THIS I feel like a "Stripper"!

 

by JoeBlough
3-19-19
Listen up d_bacon. This whole non-binary thing is a HUGE mistake!
Ya think?
Hell yes! Your dressing up in nothing but gender neutal stuff is like putting lipstick on a....
On a what?
A pig?
Where's the damn Xanax?

 

by JoeBlough
3-19-19
After months of therapy.....
Well Mr. d_bacon, I'm so glad you have finally come to terms with your maleness!
It's all thanks to YOU, Doc!
This non-binary craziness is just a fad. I'm so very glad you beat it.
Me too Doc. Nothing but all females for me from now on!
I think d_bacon just got home!
So who does he screw tonight? Me or you?

 

by JoeBlough
3-20-19
Ya hear Mike Trout signed wit the Angels for 430 mil?
Yeah, but it's a12 year deal!
Really? That come to bout 36 mil a year. I think a sucka could live damn high on money like THAT!
Tell me about it! That's why I'm gonna renegotiate MY contract!
Yes sir, I DO feel I deserve a 50% raise on my 2 year deal!
Fine! But if you don't EARN that 10K I'll expect every penny back!

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