All comics by Jose_Anon

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by Jose_Anon
5-16-03
Dude looks somewhat upset.
Ahh am sew pissed ooff riaght now
Dis humiditee is MEHKING ME CREZIE!!
Iah must go and turn on the A.C.
Dude, you're growing penecillin on your jungle ass.

 

by Jose_Anon
5-19-03
Stephone consults his physican
Dr., The humiditee ees making eh mold grow upon my ass.
This sounds serious! Have you considered Lamasil and moving to Arizona?
These girls are here for no reason whatsoever.
Lamasil, sexy, uhmm......
He just wanted to use the word "whatsoever."
Meanwhile ... in Arizona
Hey there little Fella, Gosh you sure are pale. Mebbe you should try some of this Peyote button.
They are green flakes fallling off of my ass like snow.

 

by Jose_Anon
5-19-03
Meanwhile, as the Peyote kicks in ...
Howerya doin there Stephone you pale greenhorn?
Zeke. Somethin ain't right Zeke. I've lost my accent.
You're lookin kinda crazy there cowboy. What are ya seein?
Hep meh Zeke. My ass itches somethin awfull and you look like some kinda rabbit freak!
Just think happy thoughts son.
I'll never sit at the keyboard for 96 hours straight again. There's no place like home ... no place like home ... no place ... Sweet Jesus help me.

 

by Jose_Anon
5-19-03
Jesus appears ...
Theenk you oh Lord and Savwar for appearing tah meh een mah time of crizees.
Shit. Another messed up doper. I am not up for it today.
Mah Lord. I eem zeeing things that don't exist, and my ass ees covered weeth a nasty fungehl growth.
Look Kon Tiki Breath. I died for your moldy ass and that's enough. NO, shaddup! You have to wait till you're all wasted to call me. How much money have you sent me lately? Beam me up dad.
But. But Jesus, I'm having a really bad trip. Sniff ...

 

by Jose_Anon
5-20-03
Two nights later
Am I awake?
Was I dreaming?
My mouth tastes like roadkill possum.
But at least my butt isn't itching.
Jesus completes his revenge. The End
Time to go brush the teeth.
OH MY GOD!. I'm BLICK!

 

by Jose_Anon
5-20-03
Hey, hey, how's everybody doin tonight? Oh yeah? That's wonderfull. Well I've got crabs. Yeah, hey, the little bastards are crawling allover my crotch right now. Doin the Mambo.
So you sir. Yeah you with the beanie cap, wher'er you from? ... Awe bullshit! ... Really? Toadsuck Arkansas huh? You've made my job a lot easier tonight sir. Ha Ha Ha
So, what do you do for fun there in Toad Suck? Oh yea? You're lips don't look warty. Then you put it where? HA! ha ha ha. So you've got rectal warts then eh?
Is that your girlfriend? Where're your warts sweetheart? Just one huh? Had it ever since you can remember? Didn't know it was a wart till you boyfriend told you that's why he couldn't lick it huh?
Whew Beanie man you are a dog. I can't believe that worked. See me after the show baby and I'll rub some love on that wart. Ha ha. Really? A cheerleader huh? What's you school mascot?
Who woulda guessed! Hey, you've been a great crowd. I've had a blast. Whoa, just made a blast ha ha. Smell me later. Goodnight.

 

by Jose_Anon
5-21-03
So Miss Adventure, you know the big promotion is coming up. Exactly how funny did you think my comic strips were?
Honey, I haven't done anything all day but look at your comics and do my nails. I didn't understand them at all, but if you want to come with me to the copy room we can reproduce together.
So Miss DeMeanor, you know the big promotion is coming up. Exactly how funny did you think my comic strips were?
Sir, I am so sorry. I have been so busy working that I haven't had a chance to read them, but I'm sure they are very funny, and cool.
Sigh ...

 

by Jose_Anon
5-21-03
It's 11:28
Oh you evil hag. I can tell already that I want to gouge out your tongue with a rusty old Campbells Soup (tm) can lid. I have to be back at 12:30 YOU RANK SMELLING FOSSIL.
Hello Sonny, I need to talk to you about blah blah blah blah blah and then my older sister went blah blah blah blah blah blah because they don't make them like they used to blah blah blah blah blah...
It's 12:19
Stupid blue hair'd bat. I hate you I hate you I hate you. If I could kill you without getting caught I would rip out your beating heart and stuff down your still babbling throat.
And then my great grandson took the spoon and blah blah blah blah blah blah I always called him Mr. Edison, even in bed blah blah blah blah Is this Dr.'s Mugs office or is it the one next door?
12:21
I'm sorry sweetheart, this is an insurance agency, Dr. Mugs is next door. (Thinking," Why won't you die?? sniff sniff. What have I done to you, you foul creature? sniff")
Such a nice boy but so figgity. I must inquire to his manager about him possibly being on drugs.

 

by Jose_Anon
5-21-03
Bob The Builder is adding rooms to our house.
Have you seen Bob today dear?
Hmmm. I haven't seen Bob in several days. Did you give him money?
Well yes, yes I did. He needed a couple thou for supplies. Said he would be out today.
That crazy Bob. Maybe he'll show up before sundown. I'm sure we're not the only job he has going.
Bob The Builder don't mess around.
May I help you sir?
Why yes. I would like these tow nails and the hammer, and $1988 worth of burgers and porno dvd's.

 

by Jose_Anon
5-22-03
Excuse me Jon. Your review is coming up in 2 weeks. Thought we might brush up a little now. First question, "Who is always right?"
Uhh, The customer ...
Smack ... Jab... Kick... Stomp... Punch...
Ok. Now that you've had some more OJT, "WHO IS ALWAYS RIGHT?"
I am sorry my glorious and omnipotent leader. You, of course, are always right and most fair in your disbursement of punishment and rewards. All hail!
Damn skippy!

 

by Jose_Anon
5-22-03
Yes Smithers, can I help you?
It's my wife sir. She thinks I spend to much time at the office and wants me to be there for the birth of our child.
Ohhh Smithers ... We've been over this before. This is just like the time you wanted to take off when your mother died, and the afternoon you missed when you were in that 5 car pile-up at lunch.
Sir, the accident was 2 years ago ... but ... I understand you need me. I'll be here
I hate you, but your figures are up for the past three quarters in a row.
Thank you sir, just doing my job.

 

by Jose_Anon
5-22-03
Have you heard the one about the sky?
It's over your head!
Have you heard the one about the bed?
It hasn't been made yet.
Have you heard the one about the sidewalk?
It's not all it's cracked up to be.

 

by Jose_Anon
5-22-03
What do you call a cow with no legs Sharon?
Gr Gr Grou Grou Ground Ground Beef
Sharon? SHARON! Wha What do you call a cow, um cow, with 3 legs?
Lean Beef ... ah. It's lean beef isn't it Jack?
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Kelli? Is that you in front Kelli? Uhhh, Going Home Alone then?
Yes Ozzy, you call it Going Home Alone.

 

by Jose_Anon
5-23-03
In her search for a review, Rowena finds herself alone with the evil Dr. Finklegruber.
Hey asshole. Look at my comics. They're really cool.
First you must tell me something about when you were a little girl, about this high.
She must establish herself as an equal from the beginning.
I give the orders here Dr. Finklegruber. Now give me the review or I leave this minute.
Quid pro quo Rowena, Quid pro quo.
That's really it. I just wanted to see the hillbilly guy say quid pro quo.

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