And so, on a perfectly temperate Wednesday afternoon, Isaac Jacob Henry would discover a massive red lump that had situated itself on the base of his penis.
This both confused and frightened Henry, who due to a combination of bad luck and crippling halitosis had not enjoyed sex with another person in three and a half years.
This sensation would last exactly two minutes and seventeen seconds, at which point the saviour of humanity would burst from his pelvis, killing him instantly.
says: