Oh Jesus, I pray to you to help me conquer my alcholoism, my chronic mastrubation problem and my Scottish affectations.
Actually, let me be honest here. I'm not Jesus. I'm actually Jesus' beer swilling brother Jed.
Oh? Then why. . .
. . .do I look like him? He got mad and changed me into him for calling him a "TV Magic Queer." Then he ran off to Hawaii while they crucifed me. I see him again I'm busting his head to the white meat
Damn. That's fucked up. So uhm. . .anything you can do to help me?
I'm nailed to a cross. I can't even change the channel on my fucking TV.
