Straightshooter  

I'd like a Morehead Public Library card please.

*Sigh* I need some info first. Name, address, phone number, social security number, date of birth, email, blood type, sperm count, mother's maiden name, credit score, sexual preference...

...how much in rent or mortgage you pay, what type of car you drive, total amount paid in bills per month, favorite food, eye color, do you have any STD's, birthmarks, tattoos or scars...

I'll come back tomorrow when you're finished.

...height, weight, list of medication, have you been convicted of a felony, engaged in anal sex or read any controversial magazines, favorite flower, any history of mental illness or leprosy...